Dore Alley Bears Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  1/17/2004

How boring it would be if all porn were the same. So, it’s great that there are films out there to suit every conceivable taste. As a result, there are some films like this one that are somewhat limited in their appeal. I found this a very difficult film to review because the performers were definitely—repeat DEFINTELY—not my type. Now I find lots of types to my taste. Twinks, muscle studs, gorgeous Europeans, ethnic guys, slender hairy guys, smooth totally shaved guys, guys with big dicks, guys with little dicks, guys with foreskins, guys without foreskins, masculine guys, effeminate guys--all can turn me on. But big burly guys that are advanced in years with hair on their shoulders and enormous bellies are just not my thing. Luckily there are guys who go for this type. Cyber Bear films are made for these viewers.

The film opens with Chad Llong seated on the sofa reading. Chad is just an average Joe who has not taken good care of his body or watched his diet. He’s not fat, but the flesh is not firm. Tank enters and they kiss. Tank is well named. He is the size of a tank. He is really rather endearing in his gentle seduction of Chad. He also does a good job on Chad’s cock. It is rather mean of Chad not to reciprocate. He does suck briefly on Tank's tits (Tanks for the mammaries), but completely ignores Tank’s tool. Still, Tank just sucks and sucks until Chad straddles his belly and drops his load on Tank’s neck.

For the second scene Tank and Brian arrive at the home of JYD and Bad Dog. Brian has long unkempt blond hair. JVD is huge man with a baldhead, a long beard, and an enormous belly. Bad Dog is excessively hairy. None of these guys has ever seen the inside of a gym but has certainly frequented a lot of beer halls and pizza joints. But that’s the point here.

Tank and Brian go off to shower and JYD and Bad Dog start to make out on the sofa. As they shower, Tank lovingly soaps Brian who has a teeny dick. Tank, who was so neglected in the first scene, gets his dick sucked now. They dry off and join the others in the living room. Brian gets fucked by JYD. I was curious as to whether or nor a condom was being used but I could never see the dick hidden as it was among all that flesh. While he is being fucked, Brian sucks Tank. Bad Dog is over on the sofa doing it alone. After a time Brian lies on his back, JYD holds up his legs, and Tank shoves a dildo in and out of Brian’s butt. That’s it in a film that runs less than an hour.

Knowing that the guys were not my type, I tried to be overly objective in viewing the production and the sex. Looking at these guys you would expect some rough sex from them or a hardcore version of the scene in Deliverance with mountain men raping an intruder. But these are the gentlest most docile bears on the planet. The sex is totally vanilla, and thus disappointing and totally boring. I did develop affection for these guys as they were so sweet and I was glad they were getting sex. I was never turned off, as I feared I would be, yet never once did I become aroused. More importantly, never once did I feel that the performers were really aroused either. Chubby chasers may get a rise out of this; and others of you may want to see how the other half loves. I hope this studio gets the audience these films are made for, but I think even then the sex has to have a lot more passion for them to really succeed. In this age of the mesomorph and the ectomorph, it is well to remember that fat people need love, too.