Diva X: Brittany Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  6/4/2005

The Little Details

Running Time: 15 min.

Production Date: 2000

Director: None. I think there’s a very good reason for that even though Andrew Drake is known as being the lack-of-brains behind it

Cast: Brittany Andrews and Ian Daniels

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Just the mention of Pixis makes me feel like I should get a shot of penicillin. I can’t say that I’m looking forward to anything about this one.

Initial Reaction: It’s not quite as bad as getting your testicles caught in a bear trap.

Who Should Watch It : Extreme Brittany Andrews fans, like the kind who need to see everything she did no matter how bad it is.

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who can.

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects leave plenty to be desired. The audio is pretty clear, but I’ve seen dubbed foreign movies where the audio and video synch better than this. There’s also some bad background noises and a lot of talking between Ian and Andrew Drake behind the camera. The video isn’t bad, but there is a bit of pixelation and uneven lighting.

Music: There’s a little music that’s cheesy and horribly. Thankfully it rests quietly in the background.

Menus: The menu is okay. It lets you choose between the four selections on the DVD, but sadly doesn’t have a self destruct feature.

The Feature

There are two parts to Diva X: Brittany. First is a sex scenes and second is something called TFUI. I’ll cover each part separately.

Scene 1 - Brittany Andrews and Ian Daniels

Brittany starts out the scene welcoming you at the door about winning the “Have Sex with a Pornstar” contest. Things move inside where you see that you get kicked aside for Ian Daniels, oh wait, it’s just crappy camera work. She wraps her big fat tits around Ian’s cock before going to work on it with her mouth and throat. Ian repays her with a little tongue and finger action for her bald pierced pussy before climbing up to give her a quick kiss. Ian moves behind Brittany to spoon her pussy before fucking it doggie and missionary style. Finally, Ian fucks her tits until his cock explodes between them.

This is a sad thing, and I can only think that Brittany is here because she lost a bet or is a close friend of Ian. She does a great job through the entire scene, but she’s the only one that does. Ian appears lost and frequently jabbers to make sure that everything’s okay. The editing is horrible, seeming almost like it was put together by a blind and deaf guy who hoped to someday work in a Japanese steakhouse. The camera work is just as bad, and at times made it seem like it was a deliberate effort to chop off Brittany’s head. I hope that Brittany breaks out her biggest strap-on and makes every guy involved with this scene pay for the horrible job they did!

TFUI - Brittany Andrews and Ian Daniels

TFUI appears to stand for Totally Fucked Up Interface. I guess with enough alcohol, this thing kinda makes sense, but damn do you have to kill brain cells to start understanding it. To make your selections you have a picture of Brittany that you can view from either the front or back, and you can choose between her face, tits, pussy, and ass to make your selections. You also have choices along the side for Rub, Finger, Grab, Toy, Cock, and later, Climax. When you make a selection, you’re given a clip that normally runs about twenty seconds, with some being as short as nine and one oddity actually making it over a minute. You have to make your way through the maze of selections to get what to where you want to go. Some of the selections offer multiple angles, which gives you something completely different from the main angle. I think the audio also sucked on this, but I had a hard time hearing it over my body’s whimpering defense mechanism.

It’s easy to see why many people consider Diva X: Brittany a joke at best and a travesty at worst. Nothing about this disc really shows any technical ability, including the pretty basic sex scene. It’s really too bad because from what you can see of Brittany here, she shows tons of potential. With the job she does playing to the camera it doesn’t take much thought to realize that she’d be fantastic for a virtual sex style release, and 99% of that potential is wasted here. With products like Diva X: Brittany out there, it’s a miracle that Andrew Drake and Ian Daniels can even get a job cleaning toilets for adult companies.

The Extra Stuff

The slide show lasts almost a minute with about five seconds per varying quality snapshot. The blooper reel lasts about a minute. You get to see a bit of the cameraman playing with his hand in front of the camera and a little screwing around. It’s a very disappointing blooper reel, but one of the most impressive things about the DVD.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, titty fucking, virtual sex, masturbation, and toys

Raincoat Factor: Low

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Does it really matter what this one costs? No! It’s that bad!

Note to Pixis: I can’t help but wonder if you were deliberately trying to see how bad of a release you could make.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight