Curse Eternal Review
Wicked
Studio: Wicked
Category: Feature film
Directed by: Brad Armstrong
Starring: Chris Cannon, Randy Spears, Brad Armstrong, Eric Masterson, jessica drake, Tiffany Taylor, Joey Ray, Lezley Zen, Barrett Blade, Ice La Fox, Gia Jordan, Kaylani Lei, Eva Angelina, Keri Sable, Tory Lane, Alyssa Knight, Kelly Kline, Kris Night
Released on: 2/21/2006
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REVIEW: Professor Stewart (Randy Spears) and his non-sexual, and therefore uncredited, assistant, Komar, have broken through an ancient tomb wall and are now exploring its cluttered passages. They happen upon some ancient hieroglyphs that warn them to stay away. They, of course, ignore the warning and push through to an inner chamber. They find the sarcophagus of an ancient queen named Neferkala (Kaylani Lei). Apparently she was beautiful (well--DUH!!) and she was cursed for some such inproprieties with some forbidden lover or other. To the Professor's surprise, her coffin suddenly dissolves in a flash of light and she wakes up. Komar is out a' there in a hurry, but the Professor stays behind and listens to Neferkala soliloquize about what a mistake it was to disturb her chamber. Instead of killing him right away, though, she simply pushes down on his shoulders and demands that he pay homage to his queen. Well..... ::sigh:: If he must...
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Scene 1 - Kaylani Lei & Randy Spears At Kaylani's behest, Randy gets right down to business sucking and licking on her flawless pussy, sliding his fingers inside her and "paying homage" as he was told. That doesn't last too long before Kaylani returns the favor with her mouth on his cock. Kaylani is typically gorgeous here, and she's got a way about her when she sucks cock, I can't deny it. Still, it all seems to suffer a little bit from the standard high-budget pornographic showmanship, and beyond the positions and eye-candy, there isn't too much here that really screams passion or connection to me. Kaylani mounts him in some reverse cowgirl, and looks fantastic doing it. She looks similarly great in the doggy position, and things close out with a decent facial, but I'm tellin' ya, there's ZERO interaction between these two in this scene. I mean, nothin'. Hell, even a little grudge-ful lust might have been nice. As it is there's no clear reason as to why these two are having sex. Then again, maybe I'm missing the point. Kaylani is pweeettyy! There--that's the spirit, right? After the deed is done, Neferkala takes the Professor's chin in her hand and mutters something about now having to take his punishment. She opens her mouth--he opens his, and some sort of evil soul draining occurs between them. In the end, the Professor is left dead and mummified. Neferkala's satisfaction is cut a bit short however, when Komar returns and reseals her chamber with a charge of dynamite. Poor, pretty little Neferkala... she's so misunderstood. Twenty years later, Samantha Stewart (Jessica Drake), Professor Stewart's daughter, is working at a museum cataloging ancient relics when she gets a call. Back at home with her boyfriend, Adam (Eric Masterson), she tells him that she has to go to the tomb they've recently re-discovered and see it for herself--the place where her father died. He protests, but then she spouts out some badly written porn innuendo and all is quickly forgotten as she uses sex to avoid the argument. Ahhh-- ::wistful smile:: lamour...
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Scene 2 - Jessica Drake & Eric Masterson Jessica's looks are to her normal standards here (with a little variance because of the pair of glasses she's wearing) as Eric eats and fingers her pussy. The laundry list continues when Jessica attacks Eric's cock with her mouth. After that Jessica mounts him cowgirl, and fingers her own ass in the process. Doggy position follows, and an average facial finishes things off. Aside from the requisite good production values, and Jessica's typically flawless legs and ass, there's nothing to get too excited about here. Somewhere in the desert, Samantha (Jessica) meets up with a local guide and is ferried to her destination in a jeep. While looking at the opening to the tomb, Samantha sees a vision of her father stepping inside. It turns out that the guide is Komar's son, and his father has told him lots of stories about his adventures with Samantha's father. He's a horrifically bad actor, but he's offering his services to Samantha, so I guess she doesn't have much choice. He claims the curse is real, but they both go into the tomb anyway and see Neferkala's sarcophagus. They recount to each other the tale of how Neferkala acquired her curse in the first place. The scene flashes back to those fateful days:
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Scene 3 - Kaylani Lei & Eric Masterson Kaylani approaches on her camel, and meets her lover outside the city walls. They waste no time getting down to business as Kaylani bends over and takes Eric into her mouth. She then quickly mounts him reverse cowgirl, and naturally looks great doing it. She breaks things up with some pussy to mouth action before they dissolve into the doggy position. It's all good lookin' enough--desert backdrop, the sun beating down on them, Kaylani Lei's gorgeous body doin' it's thaing, but again, it's all very mechanical and lifeless as well. It's really a shame. Maybe it's just me, but I guess I just don't get the point of porn movies that... aren't porn movies. Eventually Eric give Kaylani a lackluster facial and so ends another relatively drab, but pretty scene. But UH-OH!! Busted! The palace guards take her lover away in a flurry of scimitars--at least he got his popshot off first, eh? According to Samantha and her guard, Nomron (Eric Masterson) was beheaded later that day. Her guide convinces the jaded scientist to wait until she gets it home to open the coffin. Before she leaves, he gives her a necklace that her father wore that has some significance to her--something about always finding his way home. She breaks down into tears and leaves. Later at the lab, Samantha starts studying the coffin. It's not long before she and her assistant open it, revealing a linen wrapped mummy and a necklace that she identifies as a "pectoral" (sp?). She studies it and its contents without incident for the better part of the evening, and then goes home, leaving the security guard (Chris Cannon) alone in the building. The security guard is beckoned to the coffin by a whispery voice He finds Neferkala, and she spouts off some gawd-awful dialogue about his sacrifice to her. Before that happens though, he gets a "reward".
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Scene 4 - Kaylani Lei & Chris Cannon Once again, the scene starts with Chris licking out Kaylani--not that I'm complaining too much mind you--Kaylani does look good getting licked out. Again, though, it's all just so matter-of-fact and anti-sexual. I guess it's just that he's under her "spell", but the context here just isn't all that interesting to me. Sure, Kaylani is a hot little mynx, but beyond that, what the heck are we all doing here? If he is under her spell and she really is evil, why is she not really taking advantage him and using him for her own evil twisted sexual purposes? Maybe I'm the only porn fan who'd be interested in that kind of dynamic. Alas, it isn't here. Anyway, she sucks his cock. He fucks her pussy. She moans and groans. He pops a load. She licks it up. He gets his soul sucked out of him. You know--the usual. Neferkala decides to walk the streets in her ultra-revealing outfit. She gets propositioned by a wanna-be John, and gets asked for change by a street bum. Eventually she wanders into a bar and starts dancing. Samantha's assistant just happens to be there, and he calls his boss to inform her of a weird chick wandering around in the necklace they saw on the mummy earlier. Samantha freaks out and heads right over there. Before she gets there, though, we get a glimpse at some of the doings in the men's bathroom at the nightclub.
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Scene 5 - Keri Sable & Barrett Blade Keri (a random club-chick) is on her knees in the men's bathroom sucking on Barrett's (a random club dick's) cock. She looks wonderfully good in her little white camisole and a short skirt as she deep throats him next to the urinal. Unfortunately, the best scene so far is cut WAY short when Barrett explodes onto her face (with a little getting into her hair) after pistoning her throat with his cock. What a shame this didn't go on a bit longer. Keri gets pissed that he popped into her eye and goes to clean up. Meanwhile, the scantily clad Neferkala is admiring herself in the mirror. Keri drops buy to admire her wardrobe, and it isn't long before Neferkala puts Keri under her spell as well. They go at it right there by the sink. Makes perfect sense, doesn't it?.
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Scene 6 - Kaylani Lei & Keri Sable Aside from starring the two most beautiful contract girls that Wicked has (although I guess Keri isn't with Wicked anymore--it's hard to keep up), this scene is pretty well your average Wicked girl/girl pairing. They look fantastic. Kaylani licks and fingers Keri's pretty pussy, and it isn't long before she ends up mummified thanks to Kaylani's oral soul-sucking talents. Neferkala (Kaylani) pilfers Keri's leather coat--now that she no longer needs it--and Samantha arrives demanding to know what she's doing with the pectoral necklace. Meanwhile, Neferkala recognizes Samantha's necklace (the one that used to belong to her father) and after a bit of ridiculous dialogue, they both come to a tenuous understanding. They discuss the legitimacy of reincarnation and Neferkala reveals that she is still looking for her love, Nomron. Apparently she also thinks that Samantha has some kind of journey to take, and uses her special powers to incite an orgy right there in the bar, but wait--didn't this all happen long long ago as well? Yes... ::nodding:: I'm following all this perfectly, aren't you?
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Scene 7 & 8 - Jessica Drake, Eva Angelina, Tiffany Taylor, Tory Lane, Lezley Zen, Ice La Fox, Kelly Kline, Gia Jordan, Alyssa Knight, Kris Knight, Joey Ray & Brad Armstrong This is actually two scenes inter-cut together. One takes place in distant Egypt--three harem girls--Samantha (Jessica Drake) among them, and two guys go at it in the sun next to a pool. The other takes place in the bar where a slightly bigger, but no less enthusiastic orgy is taking place. Describing every girl and every position seems a bit pointless, but suffice it to say that all the girls look beautiful, they all get their share of both cock and pussy, and the whole thing is a bit of a flesh-happy free-for all. One event that deserves special mention is Jessica Drake taking an anal pounding from Brad Armstrong. For those who enjoy the relatively rare glimpses of Jessica taking it up the butt, here's your chance to catch it again. Careful though--if you blink you'll miss it. The whole dual-scene affair ends with facials for everyone, although being facials of the normal Wicked variety, there isn't a whole lot to scream about. I came away from this frenetic edit-happy fuck fest with not much more than an appreciation for the pretty girls. As far as the action itself went, it was a bit too disjointed for me to get into it. Well, evidently Samantha and Neferkala are all best buds now, thanks to whatever revelation Samantha has just had. Neferkala hops into Samantha's car and they go off together in hopes of finding Nomron in the heart of Los Angeles. Quite the ambitious road trip, I must say, but who am I to put a damper on girls night out? Neferkala recounts her unhealthy relationship with the king, and what drove her to Nomron in the first place. She describes a scene where he would watch while his harem girls put on shows for him.
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Scene 9 - Tory Lane, Tiffany Taylor & Alyssa Knight This is a pretty average all girl scene, complete with pretty ladies, over the top Tory Lane-esque sex-scowls, and some fancy toys that don't belong anywhere near ancient Egypt. The king watches, but he never joins in. This is also a pretty darn dark scene, which made for even identifying the girls a bit difficult. It's certainly still watchable, but it's moody moony, rather than garish sunny. Anyway, after he has his fun watching the show, Neferkala's hubby is reward with a knife to his back. Neferkala no liky. Back in the present, the spirits have guided Neferkala to none other than Samantha's apartment. "He is here," she says as Samantha nearly has a conniption fit. Neferkala goes in to see for herself and the requisite 5th Act "confusion and revelation" ensues as Samantha (Jessica Drake), Neferkala (Kaylani Lei), and Adam / Nomron (Eric Masterson) try to "dues ex machina" their way through the end of this ridiculous tale. Not to worry though, it's all taken care of by way of an equally bewildering sex scene.
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Scene 10 - Jessica Drake, Kaylani Lei & Eric Masterson Outside Neferkala's tomb, the scene starts with some flashing between Kaylani and Jessica sucking Eric's cock as if they were one and the same person. Soon enough, they are both in the scene together though and each girl gets dicked in turn. It's a short time before they share Eric's cum on their tongues, and so ends yet another Brad Armstrong "experience".
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EXTRAS: DISC 1 DISC 2
OVERALL: That all said, I love to watch Kaylani. I love to watch Keri Sable. And I love how Wicked makes them look in their movies. I know how difficult it is to put together a production like this with the budgets that porn producers have to work with, and given that, this may well be worth watching for the slightly less scrutinizing fan of story oriented porn--particularly if your a fan of Kaylani Lei, who probably has more scenes and screen time here than in any of her Wicked movies to date. I enjoyed it, but as usual when I watch these kinds of movies I can't help but riddle myself with this eternal puzzler: How is this a "thriller"' and not a "comedy"? ;-) |
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The opinions expressed in this review of Curse Eternal from Wicked are not necessarily the opinions of Adult DVD Talk. Adult DVD Talk provides a public forum for consumers to post their DVD reviews. Adult DVD Talk does not edit these reviews.