Buttman's Ultimate Workout Review

Reviewed by Long Noel  on  2/5/2008

Buttman’s Ultimate Workout (1990)
Themes: Ass obsession
Starring: Talia James, Darla Derriere, Alexandra Quinn, Patricia Kennedy, Madison, Sunny McKay, Zara, Randy Spears, Tom Byron, T.T. Boy, Bubba Brando & Rocco Siffredi
Written, produced and directed by: John “Buttman” Stagliano

IMPRESSION:
I’ve been passing this flick up for a very long time on purpose. But I knew I would eventually see it someday. So, I’ve decided to check it out and looking at Talia James really turned me on. So, I said “Hey, what the fuck, let me grab this shit.” I rented it and I cannot say that I regret it… although I would love to own this on DVD, I can’t because there’s a few weak points. “Buttman” is known for having beautiful women showing the booty & getting hit in the shitter (the most private and “forbidden” part of a woman’s body). And it’s all done with ecstasy. Let's see what happened a year after "The Adventures of Buttman"...

HIGHLIGHTS:
I won’t say that this is too different from other “Buttman” flicks. I’ll just say that this is more of a tease video than it is a sex video. Because the tease is very remarkable, even when the sex isn’t. “Buttman” is a man who goes all around the world in search of the perfect asses, but he doesn’t go all around the world in this flick. Instead, he goes to local dark allies, gyms and elegant neighborhoods (including Santa Monica) for his discoveries of fine asses. Not every woman has a big round butt. Some of them have small, petite and athletic “flat” asses. This flick was done in 1990 and this was two years before we heard “Baby Got Back”; a song by Sir-Mix-A-Lot that praised big butts and accused white women of having flat asses. This was also an era where it was very rare to see a white woman with a big, round booty like a moon. I mean, it was as rare as finding some kid who didn’t own a pair of Fila shoes. You feel me? I just wonder if Sir-Mix-A-Lot ever got a hold of any “Buttman” flick after he made that hit. When you see this particular video, it’s proof that a white woman can have a “pancake”/”waffle” ass and it can still be worthy of being praised. Personally, I’d rather have a “pancake” booty than to have some ridiculously fat ass attached to Sarah Jay, Cherokee D’Ass, the chicks from the “Mega Butt” series.

Most “Buttman” flicks run between 120 minutes to 140 minutes. Most Evil Angel flicks run well over that nowadays. I was shocked to learn that this flick only lasted for 96 minutes. -- Is this really the best-selling "Buttman" flick of all time? -- This flick was shot with a Betacam, just like “The Adventures of Buttman” was. This is the reason why the picture quality is so damn great. This is also why the picture quality for something like “Buttman’s Bend Over Babes #1” & “Buttman Goes to Rio” wasn’t good at all, because those flicks weren’t shot with Betacams. There’s music playing throughout most of the film, but hey! You have to keep in mind that this is an old-school porno flick that is nearly 20 years of age and during this time, most pornos had music playing in the background. I don’t have a problem with it, unless the music is cheesy and lame. This flick’s mood is kind of similar to that of “The Best of Buttman” & “Buttman’s Butt Freak 2”. I say that because this is more of a tease video instead of it being a full-blown sex video. Don’t get me wrong, “Buttman’s Ultimate Workout” is not a compilation at all.

The first three scenes are mainly tease-only scenes and they all can drive any man up the wall. There is some sex in the first scene, but the guy was a premature ejaculator and he came so damn fast that it doesn’t even count! The third scene is a tease-only sequence with Talia James. Talia James is a hot-ass and she knows how to move. She kinda reminds me of another Tangerine Dream (from "Buttman & Rocco Go to Montreal") or Nicole “Coco” Austin (Ice-T’s badass wife)! She’s got two scenes in this flick -- one being tease-only and another being straight sex with a guy named Tom Byron. Did I mention that Tom Byron looks like Pat Metheny (the jazz guitarist who could barely make a bad song in the 80s)? He does a scene with Talia James. I’m wondering why I haven’t seen her in any other “Buttman” flicks and why the fuck she wasn’t in “The Best of Buttman”! The tease and booty shots in this scene are incredible and surprisingly, the sex is real good. However, during the last few minutes in this scene, she sucks John’s dick, jerks him off and before he nuts, you see some horrible editing. She’s sucking John’s dick and that scene is interjected with her bouncing up and down, riding someone’s dick for 2 seconds, then you see her jacking The Original Buttman off, then he nuts.

The scene that came before that (the fourth scene) included two ladies at a gym getting fucked by a personal trainer in a gym and it was really hot, but not as hot as the next scene I’m about to describe, which is scene #6. It opens up with a woman on a thigh master machine while a guy is slapping and checking out her behind. She’s a wonderful redhead named Patricia Kennedy and another chick comes through to help her with some overall body stretches while some jazz music is playing. There’s a lot of slow body movements, which includes some wonderful movements of both of the women’s booties. Now, I’ve seen a lot of wonderful booty shots from skin flicks by John “Buttman” Stagliano, Justin Slayer, Stanlay Miranda, Erik Everhard, Santino Lee and even Jules Jordan. But, I’ve never seen anything like this. This footage had me harder than a cannon ball. Imagine a pornographic version of “Buns of Steel”. I won’t ever forget about this footage. After the drawn-out tease stops, two dudes appear and get with the redhead chick’s program. There’s a lot of fucking and sucking… She bends over the thigh master machine while she’s getting fucked from the back and sucking the second guy’s dick. There’s a really hot moment when her body is hanging halfway over a rail while she’s getting vaginally fucked and sucking on the other guy’s dick. The guys go all over the gym, taking turns fucking her.

The final scene includes a chick who acts as if she has low self-esteem. Rocco has seen some videos of her and thinks low of her and she knows it. I believe her name is Zara. Of the five women in this video, she is my least favorite. She does nothing for me at all. Anyway, the tease is pretty lacking and soon, Rocco fuck her real good while some boring “old-folks’ restaurant dinner music” is playing. The sex doesn’t last any more than 8-10 minutes and even though Rocco fucks her good and offers her some anal sex, there’s nothing remarkable. This happened to be a very boring scene and was a fucked up way to end a very-damn-good “Buttman” flick. This happens to also be probably the most boring sex scenes “Buttman” has ever shot.

Again, just like most “Buttman” flicks, this is very erotic, high-class material that isn’t trashy & filthy and can be gratuitous without being vulgar like the bullshit you see in Anabolic/Diabolic, Red Light District and even Jules Jordan Video. You know?

Let me add another note. Alexandra Quinn is in this flick. Now, I didn’t recognize her not at all. I’ve always been allured by her sexuality and she lit up the screen in her scene with Lex Steele in “Heavy Metal 2” & “Up Your Ass 18”. I’ve read in an old interview with John Stagliano that some of her scene had to be cut because she was underaged at the time she starred in this flick. I know she’s had a very early start in the industry. I was shocked when I saw her name in the credits. There are some females in this movie who star in here in tease-only scenes and you barely see their faces. So, she probably had to be one of those females whose faces you didn’t see. I've heard that an international version of this flick contains some rare footage of Alexandra Quinn. Is this true, anyone?

NEGATIVES:
The only real negative in here is that some of the women have tan lines that I find ridiculous. Some of the male talent suffer from premature ejaculation. Want to see what I mean? See the very first scene where some dude fucks a woman from the back in a dark alley. The final scene with Zara was boring and she kept popping up all throughout this flick and she became really annoying! Oh, and there’s also one instance of ridiculous editing.

DVD QUALITY:
The a/v quality is excellent, considering that the film is old and this was one of the very first DVD releases from Evil Angel. I’m just not a fan of the menu and the technicalities of the DVD. The menu is real ABC and not polished at all. The extras include a photo gallery, an incredible fetish menu (something that has been replaced with “Cumshot Recaps”) & a visual commentary by John “Buttman” Stagliano, which lasts for an hour.

OVERALL:
“Buttman’s Ultimate Workout” is highly recommended. I could compare this one to something like “The Adventures of Buttman” or “Buttman in the Crack”, which was also a classic! I can also say that this flick is honestly a few steps behind “Buttman’s Revenge”. So overall, this was a very hot ass-obsession skin flick and out of seven scenes, there was only one scene that was terrible and that’s the final scene with Zara. The two scenes with Talia James were both “Flawless Victories”. The scene with Patricia Kennedy was also a Flawless Victory. This had the potential of being a 5-star flick, but what fucked it up was Zara and her scene with Rocco. Otherwise, this is a flick that I would personally say "Own". The women were beautiful and the booty shots/ass-obsession was crazy and so freakin’ tight and was damn-near everything I dream of. It’s also very good to see another “Buttman” flick have this much ass-obsession that was created no later than 1991. Again, this one is highly recommended. Did I mention Talia James turned me on like XM Radio? -- I personally wouldn’t own this on DVD, thanks to the bad DVD technicalities and the soft-ass finale with Zara. But, If I’m lucky enough to find this flick on VHS Tape like I recently found “Buttman’s Revenge”, then I’d grab it for sure. I just can’t understand why none of this shit ever made it on “The Best of Buttman” and what’s odd is that the artwork “The Best of Buttman” came from a scene for this flick, but still you won’t find any of this bangin’ footage in that compilation (which is one that I own)!

RATING SCALE: 91.2%
BOTTOM LINE: Please, check it out!