Butt Detective, The Review

Reviewed by Tongue in Groove  on  4/7/2004

“Butt Detective” is strictly a couples’ film that could have been great, but instead is ruined by an editor with too many toys to play with on his control board. There are some very hot ladies here, but their performances are completely sabotaged by loud, obnoxious music and MTV-style camera work.

This flick is part of what VCA calls its “Classics on DVD” series. What a misnomer! Calling this a “classic” is an insult to all the truly great pornos that preceded it. I found myself FF through the sex scenes and watching the plot. That doesn’t happen often!

The often-humorous storyline has wealthy Jon Dough hiring private eye Harry Spader (Mike Horner) to find a girl - with only a snapshot of her butt as a clue. Horner is as funny in this flick as he’s ever been. Juli Ashton is his assistant, and Horner starts his search with Juli in their office. After a short BJ, Juli and Mike go through several position changes, including some anal, before Juli takes a load on her sweet face. As with EVERY other scene in this movie, the dumb music and special effects start the second the sex begins. Bummer!

Horner’s search takes him to a bar and an eventual threeway with Ariana and Amber Woods (as Amber Lords). An unremarkable scene (including Ariana taking it in the rear) ends with a pussy cumshot.

Juli, meanwhile, is doing some investigating of her own and ends up at T.T. Boy’s house. They fool around with T.T.’s girlfriend, Rebecca Bardoux. T.T. is made up like an Elvis impersonator, complete with fake sideburns. Both girls get analed and Juli takes another face-frosting.

Horner finds another possible match in a porn shop. Very cute Tammi Ann takes on Horner and Nick East in a hot scene with a tad better music but the same stupid tepia-colored slo-mos. Tammi takes it up the poopchute (but no DP) and accepts the guys’ loads on her pussy and chest.

Back to Juli, who is in a gym locker room when brunette cuties Nicole Lace and Vanessa Chase enter. Being part of a synchronized swimming team, the girls walk in stride, open their lockers at the same time, etc. Funny stuff! Some toys magically appear from a locker and the three have some relatively hot lez sex, despite the swim caps and goggles on the girls’ heads.

Horner tries his friend Tom Byron, a notorious womanizer and sculptor. In his stdio, Tom is interviewing Vanessa Chase (yep, she’s back) for a modeling job. Horner watches long enough to eliminate Vanessa (who has a fantastic body) from his search, then leaves the two to romp through a good scene that includes anal and an open-mouthed facial.

The next stop for Horner and Juli is a sex club where Jordan Lee, Rick Masters, Dave Hardman, Beverly Glen, and Alex Sanders are in the middle of a mini-orgy. Trying to catch a glimpse of Jordan’s butt, Horner hilariously stands on his head during the DP. Very funny! Jordan and Beverly both take it up the butt here, and both receive facials for their efforts.

The plot gets convoluted here, as Tammi Ann turns out to be the mystery butt Dough seeks. Didn’t Horner check her out in the sex shop? Whatever, during a dream sequence, Tammi Ann and Dough cavort in an overexposed scene that includes some butt-fucking and a tummy cumshot.

Bottom line: Nice cast, hot to sizzling sex, terrible music, and overdone special affects. The sex is almost unwatchable because of the crappy camerawork and editing.

The DVD offers as Extras: Cast Page, Photo Gallery, Hall of Fame (narrated by Jim Holliday, I think), Other Titles, and Contact info.

Grab some popcorn, snuggle up with your s/o, and be entertained by a fine, funny story with some badly-captured sex. Just don’t expect to find any jerkoff material here. Too many distractions! What a shame.