Blue Plate Special Review

Cast: Claudia Chase, Candy Roxxx, Billy Glide and Alex Sanders.

Director: Luc Wylder

Production date: 5/3/02

Length: 80 min.

Extras: A slide show with 20 photos.

Audio/visual quality: The lighting is poorly balanced. The backgrounds are overly bright, and the performers' skins are dark. The handheld camerawork meanders and occasionally suffers from jitters. The angles are too often indirect and dissatisfying. Seven minutes into the movie, I'm already feeling frustrated that so much of the view has been devoted to food and to headless torsos. The focus is a bit soft in places but not bad overall. There are also continuity problems and a few scattered artifacts.

The music (rock instrumentals and electronica of questionable quality) supplies the only audio for the first 21 minutes. The sex sounds are nicely audible when they finally do enter the mix. The second scene is exclusively live sound. Unfortunately, traffic noise filters in from outside, and there's also a pretty strong echo in the room. Much of the murmured sex talk is incomprehensible. The overall volume is fine, however.

False advertising: The cover describes four menu specials ("Alex Sanders Scrambled Eggs Supreme," "Candy Roxxx Jello Upside Down Cake," "Billy's Birthday Party Special" and "Claudia's Cock & Cream Concoction"). One might naturally assume that the movie contains four scenes. Nope. There are four chapters, but only two scenes. I consider this confusing enough that I've deducted a half point from the overall rating. Also note that where the text mentions "more holes than one," that's a reference to oral and vaginal (there's no anal). It's technically correct, but a tad misleading.

First impression: If it were china, Blue Plate Special would be a piece of chipped.

Scene highlights: Claudia Chase shows off her fluorescent pink bikini to Billy Glide, who's loosely "bondaged" in pink crepe streamers. Billy lights his birthday candles and hand-feeds cake to Claudia. They lick frosting off each others' tongues. She rubs her breasts in the cake and then sits in it to draw his kisses downward. After two minutes of (mostly soft-core) oral, they leave the room. I believe they took an extended break during the edit, since they've washed up and laid a fresh layer of plastic tarp on the floor. Billy dribbles cream down his well-toned abs, sometimes funneling it into Claudia's wide-open mouth. She provides a competent blowjob and pinches his nipples. They conjoin their cream-dappled bodies in a standard missionary/doggie sequence, but they're suddenly cleaned up again for reverse pile driver. There's a very abrupt edit to Billy's pop, which dribbles first into a whipped cream heart that's magically appeared on Claudia's belly and then into her mouth. One of the few saving graces of the scene is that Claudia gives good eye contact throughout.

Candy Roxxx wears a transparent corset and raincoat while modeling for photographer Luc Wylder. Luc's dissatisfied with the "sanitized" look of the studio, so he asks Alex Sanders to deliver a little lunch. I don't know what people normally eat in California, but raw eggs are never served at my table. Anyhow, Candy accepts the contents of a couple eggs into her mouth and drools them out down the front of her body. Alex adds some carbs to the protein in the form of fruit syrup and honey. He licks her pussy and ass, pausing to pass the excess honey from his mouth to hers. Alex also feeds Candy some red gelatin and cream, which she spits out. She sits in a puddle of pudding, raw egg, gelatin and whipped cream…I could go on, but you get the idea. By the time they're fucking on the slippery floor, the visual result is about the same as you'd expect from quarantining a half dozen stomach flu victims into a small room. Candy goops the honey and raw egg onto Alex's cock during the blowjob (which has me gagging in sympathy). The intercourse begins 34 minutes into the scene and includes five vaginal positions. It's pretty good once it starts—Alex is energetic in his thrusting and remembers to kiss Candy periodically. He climaxes into her mouth after only a minimal amount of jerking.

Thumbs up: The movie isn't a total loss of cookies. The overall mood is lighthearted, which I consider a plus. Also, the cream-on-Claudia sequence does strike me as sensuous and aesthetically pleasing. When Billy pours it down his shaft and into her mouth, it resembles ejaculate. It doesn't require much effort to imagine he's cumming (…and cumming…and cumming), which I find rather hot.

Thumbs down: It's moderately gross that Candy handles raw eggs in her mouth, but that doesn't bug me half as much as Luc and Alex talking about her like she's not even there. Typical remarks include: "Do you think she'd [insert food suggestion]?" and "Oh, look at her messy [insert body part]." This turns me off even before the scene gets going. Candy takes it all in good humor, though, and she and Alex seem to have decent chemistry together (though she's definitely submissive to his lead).

My main problem with Blue Plate Special is that it just isn't terribly sexy to me. Sometimes it's difficult to see what's going on. The amount of actual intercourse feels short, especially for a gonzo-style movie. Foreplay with food can be extremely erotic when thoughtfully done, but this disc contains a lot of filler. Tighter editing and the addition of a third or fourth scene would have helped. It's just plain wrong to put two scenes on a DVD and no extras (excepting a short slide show) and ask full price for it.

YogaGrrl's motherly advice: For the most part, the food play in this movie is external. This is a good thing, since food in the vagina can disturb the delicate balance of its ecosystem. Normally, lactobacilli (healthy bacteria) maintain the vaginal pH at 3.8–4.5 by producing hydrogen peroxide (which is acidic). When these bacteria are suppressed, other naturally occurring microorganisms can multiply unchecked, resulting in bacterial vaginosis or candidiasis (yeast infections). In the case of a yeast infection, treating the vagina with a vinegar douche and/or plain unsweetened yogurt may actually be helpful. Otherwise, it's generally best to avoid putting food into any orifice except the oral one. (Please also note that liquid substances introduced into the rectum—beer, wine, coffee, condensed milk, etc.—are absorbed directly into the bloodstream and can make the recipient quite sick.)

Themes: Food play (primary theme), oral, vaginal, rimming (male to female), facials, fetishwear.

Condom use: None.

Juice-o-meter: Medium low.

Final analysis: Blue Plate Special might be okay for fans of this fetish or as a cheap/free bonus disc included in a larger order. But don't even think about paying a full movie price for these two scenes. Otherwise, you might be the one wearing egg on your face.

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