Best of Johnny Rebel: The One Eyed Pirate, The Review

Reviewed by T0MBOne  on  1/7/2014

The Best of Johnny Rebel: The One Eyed Pirate (2013, Your Choice-The Netherlands) is a compilation of 12 sex scenes with Pascal sucking and fucking mostly cute all-natural performers with Johnny Rebel behind the camera then performing in a few encounters. Nearly 3 hours and 40 minutes.

(My Brit buddy, Richie, is usually pretty homesick at this time of year so he's going to write this review as only he can. So, the following review of The Best of Johnny Rebel is by Richie the Brit)

Ta, B0ne.

Sooo, there's a pirate doodle on the DVD cover along with a few photos of other birds like Lisa and Alexis and Mika. That Lisa with a finger in her mouth looks like a hottie, she does.

So, some bloke named PASCAL gets the shagging going with ALEXIS, a pale bird with braaaids and small teets. They bonk on a couch and on the carpet. She plays footsies with his cock and that's where he drops his spunk at the end.

EVIE and Pascal shag by the pool. He even rodgers her bum hole then shoots his spunk on her tummy. By the waaay, Pascal don't look like no pirate.

Ayyy, it's JOHNNY REBEL with a bandana and he bonks the girl from the cover, LISA. He chats up his bird a bit and lets us know that her bum and other 'oles are "out of bounds today." Shouldn't a pirate be able to fuck any 'ole he wants? Yeaaa, then again, Johnny aaain't much of a pirate.

That wanker Pacal is back to boff a black beauuuty named LALA. They shag in a bedroom with a few Gothic lamps and such. Pascal flattens her for a doggy fuck then shags her some more then shoots some spunk up that black bod.

Frizzy haired cutie ANAIS and her mate named LEE shag outside under a shaaady tree. 'Eee eventually fucks 'er upright then paints her face and frizzies with spunk.

Pascal fucks honey blonde EDYTA with a brilliant bum on a bed with noisy bed springs. She keeps on this ugly gray tutu and at one point seems too bored. I wonder what she's thinking; maybe "I thought I was going to fuck a pirate todaaay."

Wearing fishnets SAMANTHA and Pascal shag in a bed with a butt oogly bed board and drapes that don't look like nothing they're wearing. Weak spunk shot.

Cutie hottie with blonde hair side parted MIKA sucks Pascal's nips then gets naked for bonking in a single bed. Pascal shags her in a few positions then shoots his spunk up her cute bod. She attacks his cock for some nice after sucking. Oh, yeaaa.

EMILY, a gal with braids and big teets with pierced nippoles, and ROBERTO, some fuck wit, suck and fuck in that saaame bedroom with the Gothic crap. This chap kept wanting to doogy fucker her. Fuck, cum already! At least, Emily has nice bouncing boobs, she does.

Short black haired hottie ROXANNE wears a red bikini then gets rodgered in 'er bum by Pascal in the breeeeezy weather outside. Upright anal shags are best. Theeeeey even stop for a kiss so I guess he fancies this bird.

GINA has some bad teef, love, and an oogly hairstyle but that wanker Pascal fucks her anyway. I kinda liked watching her toes curl.

There's an orgy at the end with Johnny and Pascal rodgering the bum holes of ROXANNE and EVIE agaaain. Three other birds named SCOTTIE, JESSICA and KYLA are around. Johnny fucks one of them in the bum. Those three mostly dodge Pascal's spunk shot for the ending.

I waaatched the credits and found out that those little tiny waves that appear with each performer's name at the start of each scene was by some bloke named Captaaain Hook so maybe he's a real pirate.

There's a French pissing trailer among the half dozen trailers that make up the extras so let's just say that THE BEST OF JOHNNY REBEL: THE ONE EYED PIRATE (2013, Your Choice) has plenty of cute birds but no pirates. Instead, we get that bloke Pascal in most scenes so maaaaybe this DVD should be called THE BEST OF PASCAL: THE TWO EYED WANKER.

Yeaa, mate. !! 1/2 outta !!!!!