Battle Of the Asses Review

Reviewed by Christian Dark  on  7/9/2009

When I seen the cover of Battle Of The Asses all I could think was "LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETSSS GET READY TO RUMBLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Such an assy cover should be illegal in most states. This is a movie that is impossible to resist. Just seeing Ava and Alexis standing there was enough to send someone into shock. Now I must admit I was a little disappointed that Ava and Alexis were not in the same scene. I felt I was led to believe that they were due to the cover. But who cries over spilled ass........................... I mean milk anymore. Excuse me. Let's not put all the focus on the A Team lets get to the other players. Kelly Devine, Pinky and Cherokee, and a returning Rachel Starr!!! I have to say this is the hottest movie I have seen this year. Not just because of the cast but because Sam No/Mason does an outstanding job at shooting such a flick. I usually think tease sequences go a little long but not with her. Noooo way!!

If anything you are left wanting more. I don't know if Sam is into women but there is no way a woman can shoot ass the way she does, and not have dabbled a little...................or a lot!!! If you make it past the tease action in this film it will cause a severe case of shock and awe. Not the George Bush kind either. I mean a lot of directors can take a cue form her on how to shoot this kind of footage. I'm about to make a statement that might drop a few jaws. Don't shoot the messenger but, the only person who shoots ass better than Sam No/Mason is John Stagliano!!!!!!!!!! I said it dammit!!! On ADT I said it!!!!!!!!!! Stag really appreciated ass when he shot it and Sam seems to love it just as much. I guess you can tell that I absolutely loved this movie. Hell I anticipated it!!!! This is bigger than X Men Origins and Watchmen to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Okay that was a bit much, but this was just awe inspiring. Its the kind of movie you feel you would have shot if you had the cast and know how!!!!!!!!!! I'll give you a summary of the scenes but I honestly believe this is a movie that is better seen than read or heard about!!!!

Alexis Texas------Now I'm a big critic of Alexis due to her IR ban that she so vehemently upholds, while her man fucks any and everything black. Now she may have fell out of favor with me, but there is no denying that she has a sweet ass. I mean its not as big as it used to be (maybe that was to turn off the brothers!!!) but its still a nice little onion. Like I said the tease footage is top notch and its really nothing more u can say about it. When the guy buries his face in her ass the jealousy and envy set in. I'd do the same damn thing. As Ric Flair would say "All Night Long!!!!" Being an ass movie that's what we see during the sex. Alexis ass still jiggles in cowgirl so she didn't lose all of it!!!!!!! Doggy as well. This was a strong way to set off the movie. All I can say to Alexis is ME NEXT!!!!!!!

Kelly Devine----------- This is the queen of the booty to me right now. Well as far as white girls go. If she keeps it together it will be the queen of ass period!!! I loooooooooooooooooooovvvvvvveeeeeeeeeeee Kelly Devine. She is not just pretty and assy, but a hell of a performer. She always gives her all even when the male sucks ass in the scene its still worth watching because Kelly fucks like she is going to prison in the morning!!!!!! From the moment you that ass you get giddy!!! Its like Christmas time in Hollis Queens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The ass wobbling tease is how can I put it okay how about "UPLIFTING"!! During the action I really can't blame Mark for putting his face in the place and saying grace!!! When a woman like Kelly sets herself to turn you on its pretty much a wrap. Oh did I mention that Kelly takes the rod in that big ass too!!!!??? What doesn't she do!? If Kelly isn't the next Buttwoman someone is going to have to do some serious explaining to me. Or maybe Sam should shoot an all Kelly movie. Her cowgirl skills are the bees knees. She takes anal in a couple of positions b4 the pop. I'd like Kelly to star in a movie with yours truly. I'll never put it in stores but ahhhhhhh the memories!!!

Ava Rose--------- Okay b4 i get to my opinion I have to ask, WHERE IN THE FUCK DID AVA GET ALL THAT ASS!!!!!!!!!!! Ava always had a nice little frame but Mia was the one with all the ass. Ava's ass is what Alexis's used to be. Even bigger maybe, and she can move all that junk too. Hell I wish she'd move it right on over here. The ass footage here is Stagliano-esque!!! Only he can shoot clothed ass this way!! Man I'm gonna tell you the truth, during this footage.......................................I got one off!!!!!!!!! I said it!!!!! On ADT I said it!!!!!! Its just she does exactly what you want to see from a woman teasing in general!!!!!!!!! After they come off its the infamous "stank walk" damitt!!!!! Look the tease is bananas!!!!!!!!!! Once ol boy shows up its ass face burying time!!!!!!!! Damn, I'd do it too, over and over again. I'd commit "Ass-Phyxiation", die just like that!! One word, two syllables COWGIRL!!!!! I promise you, you will not get past it. The energy is high in all positions, but I'm telling you COWGIRL. Another strong assed scene!!!!!!! Only wish Ava was doing anal around this time, goodness be still my beating heart. Got a feeling she'll be Buttwoman soon also.

Rachel Starr----------- Oh how we've missed that ass. I swear I still don't know where white girls grew these asses from. I'd like to heard them all to a country go there and declare our independence form the United States!! Call it Assticia!!!!!! Rachel jiggles shakes vibrates bounces and all the other things you can do with a big ass. Hell with the camera work here I'd let Sam No/Mason shoot my wedding!!!!!!!!!!! Get a good shot of the bride and the bridesmaids asses. Hell she can damn sure shoot the honeymoon!!!!!!! The only problem here is the guy in the scene. That Marco dude is fucking creepy!! He looks like Arnold Schwarzenegger, but he also has Bobby Brown mouth. You know crooked and shit, can't shut his mouth all the way. He was a real drawback, but Rachel is hot so I can put up with him and the half stroke he do!!! Her bj skills are even more prevalent than b4. I hate to rehash the point but the cowgirl footage is the hottest shot here. He seems to slow her down though and she really couldn't break loose. I hate when guys do that, kills the mood. But all in all Rachel is back and that is all I have to say about that!!

Pinky and Cherokee------------WELL DAMN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MIGHT JUST TYPE THIS WHOLE THING IN CAPS CAUSE I AM YELLING. NEVER HAVE YOU SEEN THIS MUCH ASS ON ONE SCREEN AT THE SAME TIME. EVEN MASON SEEMS TO BE STUNNED!!!!!! YOU COULD FILM A 10 GIRL ORGY AND STILL NOT HAVE THIS MUCH ASS ON THE SCREEN!!!!! ITS FUCKING OUTRAGEOUS!!!!!!!! OK I'm back to my senses but you have to see this for yourself. I have a lot of Cherokee and Pinky scenes, hell I have a Pinky fucking Cherokee scene, but this is just ridiculous. You have to know the two ladies. Pinky the Pink haired dynamo who with or without the extra lbs is still the strongest black female performer in the game. From her bj skills to her just straight up boning she is it!! Even without doing anal!! Cherokee, the worlds most assiest woman. I seen her grab a hand ful of her own ass cheek one time and I was just shocked. She isn't the bj queen, the only part of her game she needs to work on but that ass is what we're here for anyway!!! The tease was immaculate, and when Stefano shows up you know one thing is obviously going to happen, him burying his face in these two gi-normous asses!!!!!!! The doggy footage to start off the sex was in a word jiggly!!! Pinky's bj skills are also on display, as well as an outstanding cowgirl romp for the girls. Shit Cherokee even throws some anal in this scene. What a way to end a movie. Tell em Shang Tsung "FLAWLESS VICTORY!!!"

You even get a bonus scene with Alexis Texas and Kristina Rose!!!!!! What the hell else could you want man!!!!!!!! I mean hell there is nothing else that needs to be said. Stop reading this review and go get this damn movie!!!!!! Oh and "NO WESLEY PIPES IN 09!!!!!" C. Dark Audi 5000!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!