Azz Fest 5 Review

Reviewed by Crucifixio Jones  on  11/2/2004

Azz Fest #5

2004, 3 hours
Video Team
Directed by Van Styles
Starring Katja Kassin, Mary Jane, Angel Eyes, Katrina Kraven, Lauren Phoenix, Olivia O‘Lovely

The Knowledge:

On this election day, November 2nd 2004, I have done my homework. I wouldn’t want to cast an uneducated vote because that is much more dangerous than an informed one, I‘m sure I don‘t have to tell you. So I‘ve studied the facts, I‘ve closely scrutinized both candidates and I‘ve analyzed both of their platforms. I’ve listened to their speeches, heard their philosophies and weighed how they jive with my own. Finally, I‘m pround to say, I‘ve made my choice. And I’ve cast my ballot for who I believe to be the best man. What I don‘t understand are “swing voters.” Who, at this point in the race, can still be undecided? The two people running are nearly exact opposites of one another and really share no similarities to be torn on or conflicted about. So, America, I think it‘s time to decide. Who are you rolling with: Thomas Zupko or Van Styles?

With only one installment of Jules Jordan’s Ass Worship released this year (the sixth installment just hit shelves mere days ago), the title of Best Butt Appreciation Series was up for grabs all year long and the dollars of the fans of the genre were practically there for the taking. The two series that made the strongest case to hold the crown in Jordan’s absence were Zupko’s Big Wet Asses and Van Styles’ Azz Fest, both releasing four installments each this year. Watching the two lines compete for my attention was like being a spectator at an exciting and grueling championship boxing match: just when you thought it was over, just when you thought one of them may be on the ropes and unable to recover, they came back with even more firepower than before, making the battle almost too close to call in some fans’ eyes. I‘ll be the first to admit, when I saw BWA3 (which dropped only a DAY before AF3) I thought the race was DONE; that movie nearly gave me a heart attack and should‘ve been renamed Big Wet Ass AND Tits, because as a breast man, that cast was a dream cum true for me. But as of today, the dust has settled and I can claim only one of these gentlemen, who have brought me so much joy throughout this incredible year, the victor. With this great (and whispers are saying, LAST) installment of Azz Fest, I have to give the nod to Styles. Read on to find out why.

The Action:

Katja Kassin

Katja arrives outside of Styles’ door in a large cardboard box marked “Made in Germany” and crawls out in a camouflage bikini, eager to service the three studs (Rockman, Surewood and Wood) that surround her. Katja has been before Styles‘ lens before (I Like It Black…4) but never before has she looked this good. I don‘t know if that credit is due to Styles or not but I do know that Katja, after months of her not really grabbing my attention, has finally worked (or should I say, ass-fucked) her way into my heart. She gets sexier with each and every single appearance and along with Teagan, has scorched nearly every boxcover she‘s graced in 2004. She‘s running the risk of overexposing herself lately but as long as she continue to show up looking like she looks today, I‘ll never get tired of watching her (and I‘d pay green money to see her paired with French-Canuck Emily DaVinci in a b/g/g scene). Remember in Azz Fest I when Styles gave us, in the very first scene, an established superstar in Belladonna to begin the proceedings? I liked that very much () and this scene has a very similar feel, starting off the flick with a bang with a main event-caliber performer. Katja is face-fucked and DP‘d airtight, cowgirl and reverse, as our group gradually works its way all the way up a flight of stairs here, keeping her knee-high PVC high-heeled black boots on throughout. Her asshole is triple-teamed doggie and mish until all three men leave her upturned face spackled with spunk.



Mary Jane

Mary Jane is a relative newcummer to the jizz biz this year but is certainly one of the hottest Hispanics to choose this vocation as of late. If it‘s one thing Styles has an eye for, it‘s latinas (the ungodly ass of Olivia O’Lovely nearly stole Azz Fest 1 while Catalina and Rosanna De La Vega were no slouches in installments III and IV, respectively) and perfect asses, so I knew Mary Jane would be a no-brainer for him to cast if they ever crossed paths. Also starring in the fifth part of another of Styles‘ ongoing series, Mamacitas, Mary Jane will be performing her first (and perhaps last) anal scene here. The deflowering will take place under the mighty prick of Mr. Kurt Lockwood and not the director himself, who amazingly, has yet to step foot in front of the camera, an urge I know not how he resists especially considering the exceptional talent he chooses to shoot. Kurt wriggles Mary Jane‘s hot pink shorts down around her hips, admiring her ass and fingering her bung along the way. While she may be new to porn, she‘s certainly not new to sex, as she shows an incredible and unteachable prowess when faced with hard cock. MJ‘s a certified veteran, it seems, in the art of fellatio giving Lockwood a hummer *I* almost wrote home and told my mother about. After a thorough and energetic missionary drilling, Mary Jane accepts Kurt in her ass in the same position and doggie. In doggie there is some particularly awesome footage captured from behind the action of MJ just rocking her ass back onto Lockwood‘s prick while she stands completely still. After slowly dragging his cock in and out of her ass in the piledriver position, Kurt takes a short break and comes back reenergized and ready for more of MJ‘s pussy, where he‘s once again able to pick up the pace until unloading all over her face and in her mouth. MJ lovingly laps at what‘s left and makes with some post-cum head.



Angel Eyes

I‘ve always admired Styles‘ decision to add a little flava to his productions. In the past he‘s included the likes of Ayana Angel, Ice La Fox, Fire, Adora and Courtney Devine. Today we get the chocolate and naturally curvy Angel Eyes, decked out in purple and black (coincidentally the same colors Courtney chose in part IV). Feeling in a dominatrix-type mood, she brandishes a riding crop (Kayla Marie‘s weapon of choice in part III) and sits on the face of a blindfolded and handcuffed Kurt Lockwood, who calls her “mistress.” Once Lockwood is unshackled and allowed to see, it‘s Angel who is dominated, giving Kurt a noisy and sloppy blowjob while he repeatedly rams his rod between her lips. His prick covered in saliva, Kurt slides easily into Eyes‘ pussy missionary, which makes just as much noise as her mouth. The talking that goes on between them is very reminiscent of Ayana Angel‘s trash talking in II and Kurt works Angel over equally as good in doggie and piledriver (with the exception of not being able to get in some anal time with Eyes, save for a few fingers). I‘m not saying every woman should do anal but you don‘t take the last name ‘Eyes’ and not get a little nasty. Somewhere, Ebony Ayes is contemplating a comeback to show these young thundercats how it‘s supposed to be done. I will say that Angel‘s sumptuous ass looks just as good if not better bouncing on bone cowgirl than Ebony‘s ever did in her prime, I‘ve never seen it look so enticing or alluring as when she‘s grinding circles on Lockwood here or working just the top of half of his prick with her pussy, occasionally bringing her ass down hard on his lap and having her ass spanked. Angel is also in possession of a fantastic natural rack which is on full display when the couple moves back to the floor for more mish until Lockwood PASTES Angel with a stream that blasts her entire face and forehead.



Katrina Kraven

Ask and ye shall receive.

Since the first Azz Fest I’ve kneeled at the foot of my bed before going to sleep every night and I’ve prayed: “Please God, let Van Styles book Katrina Kraven for his next Azz Fest. Thank you. Amen.” Like they (and Ja Rule and Ashanti) say, he’s not always there when you call but he’s always on time. It took a while, four previous movies to get to this point, but with Katrina smiling (how cute is she when she grins or bites her bottom lip?), showing off her tits and shaking her ass, all is forgiven. I could care less about the past when the K Double is on my screen RIGHT NOW. Watching her slowly ascend a flight of steps, her phat ass peeking out from under a black pleated miniskirt, I’m tempted to just take a break and get back with you guys when the scene concludes; I have a hard time containing myself when it comes to Katrina. Once at the top of the stairs Katrina’s met by the dicks of Brett Rockman and Mark Wood. Like Catalina before her, Kraven’s a 110% performer who is SCARILY intense and to match her with only one man wouldn’t be fair. The poor guy might get hurt. Sex to Katrina is almost like a competition but she’s not competing with her partner, rather just trying to outdo and push HERSELF. But what’s so cool to watch is that she has a ball doing it. In another room, Rockman and Wood pack Katrina with prick; she rides one reverse cowgirl while getting her throat reamed by the other. Try as they might to fuck her their hardest, Katrina just grits her teeth and shouts more demands: “Slap my tits! Pull my hair! Come on, put it in! OH YEAH!” I’m so ready to put a ring on her finger. “Push me down on his cock!” she screams to Mark Wood while she rides Rockman reverse cowgirl. Katrina’s in full control. When she gets up, sexily eyeing the camera as she walks to another room, the boys follow her like lost puppies. They fuck her ass doggie and mish (with some anal beads inserted into the mix for a bit), Katrina lustily taking to her dicking like a whore in heat. “Don’t take that dick out…put it back. PUT IT BACK!” Kraven’s on another planet with a dick in her ass and she obviously doesn’t enjoy having her “trip” interrupted. DP’d reverse cowgirl and cowgirl, Katrina hops down onto the floor and collects Wood and Rockman’s cum on her face with a naughty yet demure smile. A genuine one. She’s so satisfied right now. God, I love this woman.



Olivia O‘Lovely and Lauren Phoenix

The only two girls in this movie who are Azz Fest veterans return to do not only the final scene of this movie but perhaps the final Azz Fest scene EVER together and boy, I can‘t wait. From the time I learned of their pairing ‘til the time I saw them on the cover, I’ve been looking forward to this one. Besides, we haven’t had a two-on-one since Azz Fest 2 with Ice La Fox and Fire. O‘Lovely‘s been down with Van since Mamacitas I and Phoenix since I Like It Black…2. The girls kiss each other and then make their way over to Mark Ashley, where they share his cock like a fat joint, puff-puff-passing it between them, getting higher and higher as they inhale the aroma, inhibitions floating away on the wind. Ashley bends both the girls over and tastes their asses before banging Olivia‘s thick rump doggie while she licks at Lauren‘s twat. Never one to shy away from cock, it‘s not long before Lauren is waiting at O‘Lovely backdoor for Mark‘s dick to come out so she can suck Olivia‘s cream off his cock. When it’s Lauren’s turn to be fucked, missionary, her filthy mouth kicks into overdrive: “Ooooh, yeah…that fuckin’ dick in my cunt! Spread that pussy open and fuck me!” She spreads her legs apart extra wide and grabs her own heels to keep her legs in place, an impressive feat considering how long Phoenix’s legs are. In a complete and total Anna Malle/Jeanna Fine moment, Lauren calls Olivia “the cocksucking fairy” when she sucks Mark’s dick as it slides out of Lauren’s pussy. I don't know where that came from and neither does Lauren probably, but she was in the zone and it just came out. Next, Olivia climbs on top of Lauren in a sixty-nine position and eats her pussy while being fucked doggie by Ashley. When he’s not balls deep in O’Lovely’s plush derriere, he’s balls deep in Phoenix’s dirty mouth, which waits open and willing just below. “Yeah, fuck that little slut,” Lauren encourages as she watches Ashley fuck O‘Lovely mish on a nearby barstool. “Look at that fuckin‘ cock disappear in that fuckin‘ pussy,” she says when Olivia rides him cowgirl. I hate to keep quoting her but she‘s so nasty and yes, so observant because Ashley‘s dick really is going out of sight in between O‘Lovely‘s big fleshy buttcheeks. He finds an available orifice to hide it in in Phoenix as well, reverse cowgirl anal and she gives him some ass-to-mouth head in between rides. She gets more pipe laid to her heart-shaped ass in doggie and piledriver, this time Olivia partaking in some ATOGM dicksucking and tonguing and sucking at Lauren‘s clit while she‘s fucked. Ashley cums in Olivia‘s mouth and she swaps the semen with Lauren in a wet, sloppy kiss and both girls grin from ear to ear before intertwining their tongues once again before we fade to black. This would have been BEYOND PERFECT if it weren‘t cut to feel as though Phoenix dominated the last 2/3rds or twenty minutes of the scene. But as is, it's simply perfect.



Extras:

Cast Bios, Photo Gallery, previews, phone sex ads, web trailer on the first disc. That‘s right. I said first disc. Because Azz Fest 5 comes with a second disc of BoneAzz Footage featuring a 27-minute Behind the Scenes featurette and TWO entire scenes with Mary Jane and Misty Mendez (right). For fans of Melanie Jagger's antics in Azz Fest 3, you’ll enjoy every bit of her thick and bootylicious partner-in-crime from Cum Swapping Sluts 3, Misty, as she has her rump plowed and DP‘d by Brian Surewood and Brett Rockman and has her face covered with gobs of goo when it‘s all said and done at the conclusion of her 29-minute romp. I can see why the decision was made to exclude it from the main: Misty battles the same weight demons that her friend Melanie did later in her career but naturally, you don’t pack an ass and tits like that by just eating salads. The scene itself is up to snuff and so is Mendez's thick, juicy ass. Mary Jane draws Brett Rockman as well for her 27-minute one-on-one, non-anal affair that is just as hot, if not hotter, than her scene in the main feature with Lockwood. Her white and black mesh ensemble is certainly more eye-catching. So after a three-hour main feature, on the second disc you get an hour and a half of bonus material, most of it more scorching sex.



Comments:

Azz Fest, if this line is indeed to be discontinued as rumored, is a series with a couple of firsts and some history embedded in its annals (not anals). Styles was fortunate enough (and nervous by his own admission) to secure the great Belladonna for the very first one. Fate smiled on him again and allowed him to shoot the likes of Serena South, Bella Marie Wolfe, Melanie Jagger and Dana Vespoli all before they called it quits. Fans of black women got to see Ayana Angel, Adora, Courtney Devine and Angel Eyes along the way. There have been latinas galore and we even saw one phat-assed asian in the form of Mika Tan shoot ice cubes out of her pussy on a hot summer day (Surewood’s idea, I’ve heard). Ladies and gents, fans of Azz Fest and porn in general, this three-hour opus is Van Styles‘ gift to you. One long 180-minute ‘thank you’ note for those of us that have supported him and this series since the start and also a calling card to show the late-comers what they‘ve been missing all this time. This is the volume that proves that directors do listen to their fans, as Van took all the successful elements of each previous edition and combined them into one solid, kick-ass package. Go out, find it and don‘t knock Van Styles‘ hustle. Personally, it's my DVD of the YEAR. You want mine, you'll have to pry it (and my dick) from my cold, dead hands.

Crucifixio Jones