Asstounding (3rd Degree) Review

Reviewed by Jake Blade  on  3/19/2010

One glance at Kagney Linn Karter on the boxcover with her exposed ass protruding and the new series form 3rd Degree could easily find its way into your shopping cart. ASStounding boasts the new Zero Tolerance signings with the contracted tits of Kagney and Sara Sloan involved here. As they ply their trade on throbbing dick meat its easy to see why they have a full time gig with ZT, however there are three other lovelies working on this title and judging by reputations this release the potential to be a good one.

Brooke Haven
The lips, big front teeth, face and boobs have all had their share of work done, but the results give Brooke that look of love. There is no doubt about her sensual sluttiness as she dirty talks to the camera and gets sloppy with Pat Myne early, but the stabbing session with a full body focus is more revealing. Brooke looks fine and there is no doubt she is good on the night tools, but she is definitely professional in her performance and never enjoys the lure of natural chemistry. There is a touch too much missionary for my liking, the camera taking in Myne’s ballbag and man crack for far too long. Just when you think the pain is over Brooke hops on top in cowgirl and we get more of the same angle with the positions in reverse. Despite all this, and Myne continually battling for control of his ejaculatory emotions, it’s nearly worth sitting through the mediocrity to watch Brooke’s next move. If only this scene had more turnaround work and boob action to utilise her body. And if you sit through the melodrama until the end expecting fireworks from Myne, as he has been on the knife edge throughout the scene like a teenage boy who hasn’t pulled the bean in a week, you don’t have to be worried about being overwhelmed with envy at his moneyshot. Brooke sucks the load straight out, but the dribbling visuals of the happy times don’t produce a mess large enough for multiple tissues.

Kagney Linn Karter
She is the ultimate in blonde bombshell with perfect tits, a juicy ass, and not too many brain cells to overburden the beauty. Kagney starts off in an awfully crack hungry pair of black hotpants, and when they are dropped to revel black dental floss its enough for the dizzy spells to kick in as blood rushes from your brain to areas its needed most. Myne is babbling like an idiot as she slowly strips in a flirtatious way for the camera, and when she rolls on her side and the sun catches her crack to reveal a view of pierced pussy and perfect asshole with a hint of blonde peach fuzz it is the ultimate. But as usual in modern day porn, phenomenal views last a second before mundane sex in overused positions takes over. James Deen is a clown but to be fair he puts on a decent show here, working Kagney through a routine with a couple of inventive positions that have the sweet thing moving around and asking directions like a tourist. Importantly they expose Kagney’s fine rig at some revealing angles. The girl is more a performer than a lover, but with that chasis and her pretty face it doesn’t matter a great deal what she does. She simply has the potential to emotionally distract. Deen looks like he has been hitting the protein smoothies and eating bowls of serogen and saw palmetto for breakfast as his load is much better than his usual efforts.

Kelly Divine
It’s an ass that is beyond explanation and could possibly send men to an early grave. The coronary booty of Kelly Devine is appropriate in any ass themed title, but sometimes with an ass so brilliant the prelude footage of the cheeks moving and shaking and swallowing up the g-string is actually better than the sex. Kelly is usually cock hungry on the job though and she puts in here, with Mark Wood supplying the pound to those luscious mounds. Of course there is turnaround work aplenty and the ass jiggling cowgirl, although in the case of this ass it’s more like tremors than jiggles. As usual with Kelly’s scripts there isn’t mush mystery left for the end, and an anal invasion by the probing python of Wood soon materialises in a fine side saddle scenario. Once on the dirt track Wood seems to get a lot more physical and the scene gathers momentum and becomes valuable in terms of stroke material.

Kristina Rose
As usual Kristina is looking rather dishy, and with leopard print leg-ins pulled down to just below her cheeks and back arched, her little asshole is stuck out like a target. Her booty does great jiggle and as couple of her fingers make their way into the backdoor of love it’s a sign of good times ahead. Mick Blue slides on in nonchalantly with the wedding tackle already exposed, and as he face fucks Kristina its easy to see why she is so popular. She is one girl you would be happy to pay a return visit as she is simply a great fuck. Her oral skills are supreme and she knows how to make it sloppy and work in the hand pumps. Once she arches the back and sticks out her butt its game over, with Blue shooting for the bubblegum pink pussy in a range of positions including a deep diving human pretzel type arrangement. But his attention soon moves to the chocolate highway of romance where he feasts like a gluttonous schoolboy. The anal piledriver opens Kristina’s gaping ass nicely, and as she screams out her co-stars name it ensures any dude named Mick will really enjoy this scene.

Sara Sloane
Sara is a juicy sweet piece of ass, so good its surprising a contract wasn’t slapped on her earlier. She possesses not only cock skills and a rig built for fun, but a flirtatious nature that can be quite charismatic, a trait not always evident in today’s whores. Myne has the lens in so close to the crack you can nearly smell the ass sweat, but its far more arousing watching Sara work the love hammer than listen to Myne mumble drivel. The pretty brown eyes and dirty pirate mouth look sensational in POV, the slurps and moans capping off some fine deep throat technique. When the eye makeup starts to run and the legs are pinned back behind the ears the blonde is a purely sexual sight, and for Myne control is once again a tough gig. He can never build up a great deal of rhythm and is more interested in fucking shallow and slow during parts of this encounter. In the end he misses the chance to pull out anyway leaving a scene with no moneyshot, and eventually no cream pie. But this girl looks like an angel and fucks like a demon so even though parts of this are uninspiring, Sara Sloane still gives you the urge to throw the leg over.

In Closing
Exemplary cast, decent sex, and a couple of anal scenes makes Asstounding a solid number form 3rd Degree. If the banter on the BTS is anything to go by this will be a new series, so it will be interesting to see what future line-ups have in store and if they can match the talent on this first edition. At just over two and a half hours it is quite standard porno that takes its place on the shelves without much hurrah, probably its big selling points are the new contract girls in Kagney and Sara, and the box art. The photo of Kagney turned around with her ass poked out is fine photography and will probably shift units for its horn factor alone. However the critics don’t need to look deep for material. A couple of these encounters lack spark and Pat Myne or Danny Case or whatever he wants to be called may possess a good head for radio, but his tones in hetro sex films are far from dulcet, and his excitable natter more equivalent to the screech of fingernails on a chalkboard. Luckily the female talent will provide the crutch to get viewers through.

If you have a comment or query for the reviewer please email please.jake.blade@gmail.com.