Ass Good as it Gets (Lord Perious) Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  8/19/2003

Running Time: 120 min.

Production Date: 02 / 2000

Director: Blas Medrano

Cast: Ava Vincent, Chelsea Blue, Silvia Saint, Mark Davis, Kelsey, Chris Cannon, Julie Meadows, Ian Daniels, Bobbi Bliss, Barrett Moore, and Rod Lightning in a non-sex role

Initial Expectations: For some reason, Lord Perilous scares me, but with a cast lineup like this, I can’t help but give them a chance.

Initial Reaction: It’s a pretty average porno with some good anal action.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody wanting anal action with a bit of plot

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting nastier anal action

Audio /Video Quality: The audio varies a little throughout the feature. The most noticeable problem is a fairly high pitched drone in the background throughout the movie. The balance also varies throughout the feature, and takes a big change for the worse between the second and third scene. The audio also gets a bit hollow after the second scene, which makes it difficult to clearly hear the stars. The video varies quite a bit throughout the feature. The lighting changes drastically, even within individual scenes. There’s also a fair amount of grain, which comes and goes like the lighting, and a few remnants.

Music: The music is the soft style of typical porn music. It adds a little to the early scenes, mostly because it’s nicely balanced with the rest of the audio rather than covering things up. Sadly, before the third scene the music came up to the point that I couldn’t hear the dialogue clearly.

Disc Problems / Complaints / Borderline False Advertising: There’s no time stamp! This always ticks me off because I like to jump around in movies and it’s something that I understand takes next to nothing for cost and effort. The feature is also split over two titles, with the break occurring almost exactly in hour into the feature and in the middle of a scene. Once you start the new title you can’t go back to anything in the first title without going through the main menu. This was a common problem in the early days of DVD, but is something most studios moved past well over two years ago. Finally, the cover makes it appear that this Silvia Saint is a major player in the movie, but she’s only in the first scene and that’s it. I was about to have a tough time deciding on the overall rating, but due to these problems Ass Good As It Gets received the lower rating.

Menus: The main menu is unanimated and very unimpressive. The chapter menu isn’t much better, and lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene.

The Feature: Psychologist Ava Vincent takes on some tough cases. At her clinic, they take on sexual cases that go against some of the societal norms. Her biggest clients are women who have a craving for anal sex, who come to her seeking help to save them from their love of anal sex rather than learning to really enjoy it. Ava knows that she could help them with a little behavior modification therapy, but thinks that might not be the best solution.

Silvia Saint and Mark Davis start things out. They kiss briefly before Mark dives down on Silvia’s snatch. He tongues her pussy and fingers each of her holes before letting Silvia suck his schlong. Mark fucks her missionary style while sucking her toes before Silvia lets him bone her from behind. They finally get on with the anal, with Silvia taking it in the mandatory reverse cowgirl before sucking Mark to a pop.

This is a pretty good scene. Silvia doesn’t come off as a complete ice queen, and it moves along nicely. The editing is simple, but does so without feeling hacked together. There’s nothing wildly great about the scene, but it is good and nicely done.

Kelsey and Chris Cannon hook up for the next scene. Kelsey is an artist who’s a little anal about her work, and needs a little help from Chris. She kisses him on the lips before dropping to her knees and attacking his manhood orally. Chris reciprocates with some deep tonguing for Kelsey’s twat before mounting her missionary style. Chris also spears Kelsey’s pussy from behind before sliding it into her ass missionary style. Kesley takes an enthusiastic ass to mouth before getting on top for a little reverse cowgirl anal. Finally she takes Chris’ cock cream on her tits before sucking out the last few drops.

This is a pretty good scene. Kelsey gets into it nicely, but isn’t quite as vocal as she sometimes is. She puts some nice energy into the scene, but never really goes over the top in any way. The bigger problem here is Chris, who looks about like he’s the attachment who comes with the cock and he knows it. Chris can be a good performer for certain roles, but he just doesn’t come close to matching Kelsey’s spirit or energy here.

Chelsea Blue gives Bobbi Bliss the woman’s touch that she needs in the third scene. Chelsea kisses her way across Bobbi’s body, finally settling in with her tongue between Bobbi’s thighs. She sucks Bobbi’s toes a little while fingering her, and even works Bobbi up to four fingers. Bobbi returns the favor by tonguing Chelsea from behind before letting her work on her pussy with a dildo and a vibe. Bobbi reciprocates once again, working on Chelsea with a dildo and her tongue before finally taking a slim vibe in her ass. The girls finish things up afterwards with a quick peck of a kiss.

This is a pretty hot scene. Chelsea and Bobbi have great chemistry together, and match each other’s energy very well. The scene also has a very nice balance, and my only real complaint is that Chelsea never got any anal action outside of Bobbi’s tongue, which was all too brief.

Julie Meadows follows Dr. Ava’s orders and visits professional sex surrogate Chris Cannon in the fourth scene. Chris sucks Julie’s jugs a little before she puts her great oral skills to work on him. Chris tongues her in return, including giving her a long rimming before fucking her missionary style. She rides Chris and sucks her pussy juices off his cock before putting her ass to work on his cock. Julie rides Chris reverse cowgirl style and lets him bone her behind from behind before he comes on it with a dismal pop that should barely even count.

As usual, Julie Meadows is a joy to watch. She looks completely into the scene and like she enjoys every single moment. Chris matches her nicely here, and the only real problem with the scene is Chris’ pop. I’m guessing that with how bad this pop is that he already did several scenes this day.

Ava Vincent takes on Ian Daniels to help treat him in the penultimate scene. She sucks him before letting Ian go directly to fucking her from behind before taking it in each of her holes reverse cowgirl style. Finally, Ava sucks Ian until he gives her a dismal pop in her mouth.

This is an okay scene at best. It’s short, and barely even gets into the anal sex. Ava looks good here, and puts in some nice effort, but the pop at the end brought it down a notch or two for me. It’s every bit as bad as Chris’ pop on Julie’s ass, if not worse. The camera work also left a bit to be desired, as you barely saw Ava’s reaction to getting cornholed.

Finally, Barrett Moore takes on Chris Cannon. They exchange oral favors before she gets her mandatory reverse cowgirl in. They move on through a bit of missionary before Chris nails Barrett’s ass in several positions. They finish it up with Barrett taking an okay facial from Chris.

This is a good scene to end things with. I’ve never been much of a fan of Barrett for some reason, but she does a great job of carrying the scene and puts in some nice vocals and good energy without going completely over the top. Chris lacks a little here again, complete with a less than spectacular pop, but Barrett did a good enough job of keeping my attention through it that I barely noticed.

Ass Good As It Gets is a pretty good porno. The plot is thin and poorly organized, but does work well for setting up the sex scenes. The scenes themselves vary pretty good. Some of them, such as Julie Meadows’ scene with Chris Cannon and Chelsea Blue’s scene with Bobbi Bliss, work great. They have nice chemistry and good energy. Others, such as Chris Cannon’s scene with Kelsey and Ian Daniels scene with Ava Vincent, fall short due to mismatched performers and lazy camera work. The camera work is the biggest problem with the feature, as it’s often slightly out of focus, works with angles that are a little off, and the lighting varies enough that the scenes look like they were shot at two completely different times, both during conversations between the stars and during the sex. Ass Good As It Gets isn’t a bad porno, but with a little more care it could have been one heck of a hot movie!

Extras: The photo gallery contains about two dozen good looking snapshots and full screen photos. There’s also web links and a cum shot recap which lasts almost four and a half minutes.

Themes: Straight, anal, spanking, ass to mouth, lesbian, toys, rimming (male > female and female > female), and toe-ing

Condoms Usage: Only between Ian Daniels and Ava Vincent

Raincoat Factor: High

Overall: Currently, many Lord Perious DVDs can be found online for between about $4 and $25, with stores pretty much offering them at both ends. At the low end I have a hard time not recommending it, but due to some of the overall DVD problems I wouldn’t go much over that. There’s some hot sex, but the technical aspects are very inconsistent and there isn’t too much for extras.

Note to Lord Perilous: A little attention to your technical aspects and details would really help your DVDs out.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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