Anal Clinic Review

Anal Clinic
Private
Directed by Steve Perry
Starring: Stephanie Hart-Rogers, Brigitte Ashley-Warner, Dominique Perignon, Danielle Bastion, Julia Channel, Richard Lengin, Alberto Rey, Olaj, Rex Morrison, Mario
Running time: 1hr 31mins

Another of Steve Perry's early Private features makes it to DVD. Anal Clinic (originally released in 1993) sees Steve take a troupe of British actresses to join some foreign talent in Belgium, of all places, for a light-hearted take on the perennially popular medical theme. It's a bawdy tale all about a sex clinic that promises more orgasms than you've ever imagined. Now, I know Anal Clinic was shot at a time when heterosexual anal sex was, believe it or not, still illegal in the UK, but Belgium...?

Now, you can judge the humour at play here from this, but Doctor Madeleine Du Pont A.N.A.L. runs the clinic, and the story begins there as the sexy bespectacled doctor (played by Stephanie Hart-Rogers, perhaps better known as Gill Sampson, a British "Readers' Wives" model who turned into a porn star and popular magazine model) observes and grades two girls' sexual performance. Julia (Julia Channel, the gorgeous French star, billed as Lydia, playing a character called Julia) and Dominique ("Dom" Perignon, you see…) are dressed in lingerie, stockings and heels and lie in medical examination chairs as they suck Richard and Alberto's cocks. The guys move between the girls' spread thighs and enter their pussies. Dominique is blonde but not so attractive, nevertheless she's the one who is double penetrated while Julia inserts a vibrator into her own ass. She assists in milking one cock over Dominique's face. The other fires off weakly. Note that this scene is also featured, in edited form, in Castings 1 and, if memory serves me, in the United Colours Of Private compilation.

Brigitte Ashley-Warner, as Thelma, is another British model-turned-porn star (AKA Lisa Thorpe - did I read somewhere that she went on to be a club DJ?) who finishes a champagne supper with her pony-tailed bloke. The camera traces her nylon-clad legs, and then the lovely brunette squats to suck cock. Skirt raised and body pulled aside, she's taken from behind, and then in missionary, but it quickly becomes evident that the sex is meant to be pathetic, as the fellow comes quickly and cuts and runs, promising a phone call on the way out the door. Brigitte's friend Louisa (Danielle Bastion) has the solution - a newspaper ad for a clinic. Help with her disappointing sex life may be at hand…

The Doctor fields the call while slipping a vibrator into Julia's pussy. The girls are to come over next day; meanwhile the horny medic, with regulation lacy lingerie and stockings underneath her white lab coat, her patient in similar sexy underwear, continue the therapy with two studs. Alberto and Mario arrive and the Doctor prepares them herself. Julia follows her lead. Panties drop, cocks slip into pussies and there's much more energy about the whole thing. Julia looks gorgeous, making big eyes at the camera and Stephanie looks very sexy too. She also has some fun with the dialogue: "Mario, I think Julia needs it up the arse." "Oui, oui, merci," pants the French starlet as Mario eases his member into her tight bunghole. With exchanges like that it's hard not to smile. Alberto's cock has found its way up Stephanie's ass too by the time Julia's guy comes on her thigh and she sucks him. Alberto straddles the Doctor's chest and she wanks him off over her tits in a slow-motion come explosion.

Thelma and Louisa (groan) pack their bags, jump into their convertible, and head off through the streets of Antwerp to find the clinic. They have the misfortune to ask this moustachioed man, hideously dressed in loud shorts and t-shirt, for directions. He turns out to not only know where it is, but is also a volunteer there. Does this mean they're going to have to have sex with him? Oh yes.

Brigitte sucks his cock - and with a modest endowment like that clearly he gets more from his volunteering than the patients - when their car pulls into a secluded leafy spot. Danielle is noticeably reticent to kiss him, keeping him at tongue's length. She is prepared to suck his cock, though. Funny that. Danielle is tall and slim, long legged and has a cute face framed with blonde curls, but is perhaps of some mixed race heritage. Moustachioed man fucks her missionary on the bonnet, then Brigitte in doggy. She rides him with Danielle groping her, and then Danielle does likewise with hands all over her nice boobs.

They decide to go somewhere cooler, and when the car pulls into an alley everyone jumps out and they all go at it again. Brigitte and Danielle bend over the bonnet and Mr Moustache goes back and forth from one to the other. Brigitte takes his cock in her ass - even at his small size her facial expression and deep breathing suggest that she felt it all right. Back to Danielle's pussy before he comes on her ass, and Brigitte's tongue toys with the mess.

On their eventual arrival at the clinic, the Doctor shows them some of the activities. The girls feign surprise at seeing our moustachioed friend and Richard taking blonde Dominique over a bathtub and in a shower, but they become horny and Stephanie leads them off to try out some sex toys. The action flits back and forth between the girls' games and Dominique, who has, shall I say, a "mature" figure, sucking and fucking the two cocks under the shower spray, taking a DP and a pair of facials. Danielle meanwhile watches as Brigitte slips love balls into the doctor's pussy. It's not especially impressive but Danielle's little pouting mouth is very sexy.

Next day, the girls are promised multiple orgasms and an orgy. First, though, the Doctor demonstrates the art of striptease. Up on the rooftop, with views of the city around, Stephanie wears red PVC corset and thigh boots as she dances, captured in slow motion, for three guys. The only thing this section has in common with the rest of the movie is the 1980's "big hair" styling. It seems to go on far too long before the guys get to have their way with the glamorous doctor. Stephanie is very much at ease sucking and riding cock, even taking a DP with a cock in her mouth too. There's a big, ugly, black cut to a shot of her in doggy, the guys come on her back and bum and she sucks them. This scene goes for a certain style, I suppose, but it just didn't grab me at all.

And so to the orgy finale - the Doctor leads Danielle and Lisa into a pool area and leaves them in Alberto's capable hands - incidentally, the relatively young Alberto is not quite the muscleman of today - and soon Brigitte is sucking his cock while he licks Danielle's pussy. Elsewhere Julia is being soundly shafted with her legs spread wide in a sex hammock, and even the good Doctor gets into the sex as Richard bangs her from behind. Everyone gets together on some mattresses in one big cock sucking, pussy licking pile. Julia and Stephanie are fucked in the background as initial attention centres on Brigitte's tight buttocks as she rides cock, and then anal for Stephanie and a double penetration for Julia take centre stage. There's just a little more fucking before the come starts flying - on Danielle's boobs, Julia's guy's load looks like the one that got away, and Stephanie and Brigitte's faces.

The two satisfied patients drive off, promising to return and playfully squabbling about who had the most orgasms…

Overall
I was keen to see these early Private works of Steve Perry, but I really do regret to say that, even allowing for its age, I found Anal Clinic disappointing. I missed it first time around, so I haven't the advantage of knowing what kind of impression it might have made at the time of its original release. So I'd suggest that it's important to get that sense of perspective on it - comparisons with contemporary porn aren't necessarily fair. It's from the same cheap and cheerful mould as Anal Academy, but though the script, by Steve Perry's missus Linzi Drew (also credited as producer) tries hard, it generally seems to lack Anal Academy's cheeky charm.

The performances are inconsistent - I enjoyed watching Stephanie (see also Lady in Spain), Brigitte, Danielle and the under-utilised Julia but the contrast between real professionals and tentative amateurs is marked, and that doesn't necessarily apply to the girls. Only a couple of the sex scenes really caught my attention and the camerawork is clearly from Perry's formative period!

Sure, this is about a filmmaker developing his skills with a harmless, fun movie and developing Private's nascent series, but I am not sure I could recommend Anal Clinic unless you're particularly interested in the performers, some of whom made few movie appearances, or the historical aspect. Aside from Julia's mesmerising eyes, there's little that will linger long in the memory.

DVD Comments
I am afraid that the biggest criticism of this DVD, and one that will perhaps be most significant to fans in the digital age is that the picture quality is average at best, and some parts are worse than others. Much worse. In fact, at a few points the picture is completely unacceptable. Whether there are issues with source tape or transfers, it's really not up to scratch. Unstable colour plagues much of the movie, but especially during the scene in the pool there are all manner of artefacts. The sound is okay; slightly rough in parts. Apart from this, the DVD is Private's usual slick standard package of language and subtitle options, photos, cast and movie notes, trailers and DVD Rom section. There are no reports or extra footage.