5 People You Meet In Porn Review

Reviewed by HeyNow  on  2/10/2006

I had a pleasant two-page review all ready to go, but Astroknight beat me to the posting with his in depth analysis, so I’ve trashed 60% of it. I mean, the guy has nearly 2000 reviews to his credit compared to my paltry 3. And massive detailed shit too! Really top notch. Please, I hope you get an award when you do reach that 2000 review mark, Astro! So, go click on his name in the upper right hand corner to see his review and then come back.

This one is almost workplace porn. Now, normally, when I go to work, I don’t get to put my cock into my coworkers craphole.* Laura in Sales doesn’t come over and allow her ripe rump to be spoiled, nor does Sue in Accounting tolerate her anything to pop in to her hinder hole. And certainly not during work hours – not that I have tried. But this is all in a normal days work in Porn Valley, California. God, what a life.

Perhaps someday we can bridge the gap between Porn Valley, California and the rest of the world, but it won’t happen today. But it comes close in “5 People You Meet In Porn” from our very own Hustler. You can never meet too many cocks, the cover proclaims. That statement seems a bit off kilter since porn is mainly marketed to men, but I’ll let it slide. Maybe they are thinking this targets the couples audience. It’s quite nearly a feature film with acting between the sex scenes. Normally I’d pass all that right up to get down to the action, but I’m glad I gave this one a more thorough viewing – it’s pretty damn funny. Make sure to catch at least some of the setups to each sex scene.

All the girls have character names here, so that just makes it a little more confusing for me. Harmony plays the main character, moving from scene to scene, first being picked up on the street, telling her story to the driver, which goes into a flashback to good old West Virginia – it seems that they make fun of backwoods Appalachians – only to see Harmony catch her boyfriend having sex with another girl (played by Jamie Huxley). This scene is great – I would say, overall, that the video quality is right up there with the Barely Legal series which is so very good. Jamie has a great tanned body, they have sex a couple of different ways with the cumshot blasted onto her puss. They use a low angle that I would usually find unappealing but it works really well here.

Somehow Harmony finds her way to the San Fernando Valley to meet up with an agent who tells her she must suck his cock, that he’ll take 20% of her earnings (or was it let her keep 20%), provide her with a place to stay with the other girls for high rent, yet talked up the great features of the place (i.e. abortion center right around the corner, etc.) Okay, this guy is slimy – yet so truthful. So little seems to be known about porn agents – it would be interesting to find out more. I’m sure they had sex. Or someone had sex. It must have been Tiffany.

So, we’ve met the agent, naturally the next person to meet is the director (played by none other than Evan “I Piss On Gonzo!” Stone). They do a script reading while getting naked plus some heavy foreplay and eventually get down and nasty, dirty and wet. It’s a funny, well-played scene that ends with some pretty good sex.

What might be next for our poor Harmony? The jealous boyfriend? Sure! But he also wants to be her manager, but also places all the unnecessary demands on her (no boy sex, just girl-girl, etc) and while this argument is going on that camera pulls back and we see that he is – WHAT?!! - getting blown by little Angela Stone – check out her reaction when the idea that there might be a chance of a STD. Yikes!

This is my favorite scene on the disc. Angela really has a sweet buttercup of a vagina. So lovely. And the unbelievably pissing streams of squirt that rise out of her. This scene is not to be missed. A+ #1 All while our Harmony watches. 3 decent squirts out of her – she got the surrounding furniture wet. This squirt action is everything a title like Cunt Gushers should be (but sadly, isn’t).

Somehow, we wind up in a back alley – uh, maybe for drugs? Who knows!!! – but here Brooke Haven provides the one and only anal scene of the title. It’s a pretty good one, with some nice reverse cowgirl action.

At some point in Astroknights review, he said “It’s hot, and easily one of the best porno comedies of 2005” and he called for more titles like this from Hustler. I totally agree. Could “5 MORE People You Meet In Porn” be far off? I hope not. (Also I want to see more of Angela “Buttery-cup Vagina” Stone – that sweet love hole and her squirting abilities should be in high demand.)

Now, the big question: could such a thing as workplace sexual harassment EVER exist on a porn set?

*Possible title idea alert up there: “My Coworkers Craphole”