You Can't Hurry Sex Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  5/7/2003

Thinly disguised as a film to help you improve your sex (the narration is only at the beginning of scenes and is very unobtrusive) the film is really a depiction of four beautiful sexual encounters. The setting is Chicago; the guys are all attractive.

First up are Ian Idol (22) and Skor Michaels (27). Ian with coal black hair is a hell of a sexy dude. He’s only made 3 films (he’s listed in six but the others are compilations using the scene here) but he will star often in my fantasies. Skor is a Joe-college type and very lucky to be paired with Ian. The scene—like those that follow—is slow and sensual. Skor licks Ian’s chest and belly. When he strips the lad, Ian’s cock is hard and ready; but Skor spends time licking it, driving Ian wild, before he starts on a leisurely blowjob. Ian eggs him on and then returns the favor. Following the same procedure and using Skor’s cock as a lollipop before swallowing it, Ian sits on Skor’s dick and rides it before Skor enters him in the missionary position (brilliantly photographed) and then concludes doggy style. Ian drops a massive load while being fucked in this position. (I dropped mine much earlier.) I liked this scene so much that I watched it all over again.

Jack Trade and Jerry Bravo whom the narrator tells us have been together for three years provide the next “demonstration”. This one is really slow and languorous with Jerry even sucking on Jack’s toes. What I don’t understand, however, is how Jack can be flaccid when Jerry removes his jockstrap and remain so as Jerry sucks on his cock. Jerry is certainly hard when Jack begins sucking him. Some self-imposed hand action finally gets Jack hard and he shoots a load. Jerry follows suit. This is the weakest scene in the film. Apparently after three years, the heat is diminishing. Things are different with Baron Long and Jose Vega. These two young Latinos (Baron is 20, Jose 18) have been dating for three months. Jose has graffiti tattoos on his chest; Baron, who is indeed long, has numerous ear piercings and a ten-inch cock. Baron’s big ten-incher, which is the center of the action, is up and ready when Jose removes it from its confinement. Lawzy Mercy, but that’s a pretty boner! Jose is just about able to swallow it all. Ole, Jose! Again, as in all of these scenes, the photography is superb! These youngsters sixty-nine before Baron rims Jose, preparing him for the big event. Jose sits on the monster as Baron jacks him off. (I would have loved to have seen Jose fucked with that monster missionary or even doggy, but that was not to be.) Jose drops a load on Baron’s belly during his ride. Baron withdraws to drop a load on Jose. It is a load worthy of that enormous dick and those big balls.

Last up are Brock Locke and Mark Stewart whom we are told are back together after a year’s absence. And, as we shall see, absence does indeed make the hard grow firmer. This is the most romantic scene yet. Brock’s tender rimming of Mark is masterful. This is followed by a fingertip and a dildo. (The dildo action is so brief that if you blink you will miss it. This should have been much, much longer!) Mark screws Brock as the canine’s do (again much too briefly—why the hurry here?) and drops his load on Brock’s back. Mark watches Brock jack off.

I usually find the music in these films obtrusive and highly distracting, but the music in this film by Suckpuppets fits the action to a T. Well done, guys! Bravissimo! Steve Jerome’s direction is also good.

Well, you can hurry sex. What you shouldn’t hurry is love. And these dudes make love. This is a film for the romantic in all of us. These dudes illustrate the kind of relationship we all deeply desire. Mother of Mercy, after viewing this film, why do I feel so lonely?