Woodsmen (Titan director's cut) Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  6/20/2003

This review is of the Director’s Expanded Edition, however I am sure you would probably be quite satisfied with the regular edition as the so-called expanded edition contains precious little to justify an additional expenditure as you shall see in the review of Disc 2. Only Disc 1 is in the regular edition. It is the same version in both.

DISC 1

The credits roll over scenes of action from the film. Something I am not sure is a good idea as it gives away any possible suspense about what will occur in the scenes themselves and the fun of guessing who will fuck whom.

The first scene takes place at a cabin in the woods. Jon Galt, one of the Titan regulars—a trim muscular bear—is awaiting the return of his lover Ray Dragon, an even more muscular and hairy bear. They suck face for an inordinately long time. There is licking of armpits, chewing on tits, and then on down to the good stuff. Ray is the first to give head; then it’s Galt’s turn to reciprocate. There is much slobbering and spitting from the pair and pounding on one another’s chests with fists. We are real butch, they are telling us. Jon is not able to take all of Ray’s rod down his throat but he is able to take all of it up his ass. It’s a good scene for those who like their men to be men. Streams of pre-cum oozing from Ray’s piss slit as Jon eats his ass is a highlight of the scene, but the scene would have been even better with some judicious editing. It runs for an exhausting 39 minutes! Sometimes less is more!

Arriving back at their campsite after a handholding stroll through the woods, handsome muscular Ben Jakks and simian-faced Tony Serrano begin to make-out. Jakks is the first to give head. Then it’s Tony’s turn to chow down. Ben tosses Tony over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and carries him to a crude bench where he proceeds to eat out his ass. Then Tony uses his pierced tongue on Ben’s keester. Tony approaches Ben’s ass with a rampant dick and we think he’s going to insert it, but he just jacks off onto it. Jakks jacks off, too. After spending some time attempting to swallow one another’s tongues as at the beginning of the scene, Tony finally inserts his cock into Ben’s meaty buns. Tony next offers his ass to Ben. As Ben withdraws to cum on Tony’s belly, Tony scoops up the cum and feeds it to his fucker. Tony adds his own spending to the pool.

A pickup truck stops in a wooded area and Patrick Knight and Aaron Parker get out with their chainsaws. Patrick is a muscular blond with a craggy face; Aaron is a medium size bear. Hearing the noise of the chainsaws, Ranger Jack Ryan arrives and asks Patrick for his permit. Satisfied that it’s OK, he dives onto Patrick’s lips. Aaron moves in to join in the fun. Ryan is a sexy dude with bee-stung lips who always gets a rise out of me, and here is no exception. He gets quite a rise out of Patrick and Aaron, too and all take out and air their impressive boners. Aaron falls to his knees and begins sucking both alternately and then takes both into his mouth simultaneously. All shoot their loads. After this, Patrick sits in the cab and Jack stands on the running board to offer him his dick. Aaron continues sucking Jack. Aaron next moves to the back of the pickup to offer Jack his tail on the tailgate. Jack demonstrates his versatility here, as he is usually the one receiving the pounding. Jack’s second cum shot, however, would put Old Faithful to shame.

Across the river in a boathouse, handsome young muscular blond Chris Brady is blowing elderly bleached blond Jace Hunter. Chris is to die for. Jace is to die from. Former B-grade performer Thomas Bond arrives to get his dick sucked too, and handsome Chris is more than willing. As Aaron did in the preceding scene, Chris sometimes gets both in his mouth. Chris bends over for Thomas to fuck him as Jace stands around looking gaga. Bond cums. Neither Chris nor Jace do. This could have been such a good scene, but it never comes close to reaching its potential.

Parker Williams and Carlos Morales are fishing in a beautiful cascading stream. Ah, fishing my favorite sport! Well, maybe my second favorite. Parker is wearing hip-waders and no pants—revealing more enticing bait than he has on his hook; and Carlos goes for it. Carlos has a very nice worm himself. “It’s not long”, he tells us in an interview on Disc 2, “but it’s thick.” It’s long, too, Carlos, quite long. Parker is lured by it. Moving to a firmer footing, Carlos spreads out a blanket on an imposing boulder and lies on his stomach to take Parker’s imposing dick. He will also take it missionary before the scene is over. It’s a very good scene in a beautiful setting. At one point, Parker jacks Carlos off and then uses the cum to lubricate Carlos’ ass for some finger-fucking. The best scene has been saved for last.

The film is rather uneven. The boathouse scene featuring the awesome demi-god Chris Brady simply is not up to Titan’s high standards and I wonder at it being included here in such a lack-luster condition. Chris deserves better. The viewers do, too! As the film had three directors one does not know whom to blame. Still, with the generous addition of five scenes one can’t complain too much.

The extras on Disc 1 include a Cum Shot Gallery wherein all the cum shots are repeated and a Music Image Gallery.

DISC 2

This disc is included only in the Director’s extended edition.

It includes the Cum Shot Gallery and the Music Image Gallery that was on Disc 1. Their inclusion here is redundant.

There is a “Watersports” section. Only one of the scene fits the category in my book. Chris Brady gets in a tub and pisses on himself (The boy is full of it). Thomas Bond then pisses on Chris’ head as hoary Jace Hunter just stands around looking gaga again. The other scenes show the guys pissing on the ground or into the cascading stream, which is not “watersport” but merely “urination”.

There are interviews with Ray Dragon, Carlos Morales, and Jace Hunter.

A “Behind the Scenes” which is not very interesting unless you like to watch someone trying to start a chainsaw.

A Brian Mills Photoshoot with the models—always a pleasure to watch.

“Additional Footage” for scenes 4 & 5. (In 4, I hoped that I would get to see Chris Brady fucked missionary or at the very least to finally cum, but instead it was a pathetic jerkoff by Jace Hunter who finally shot some spunk on his pot belly. The additions to 5 was just more of the same with Carlos and Parker)

Only you can decide if it’s worth the extra bucks for the above.

The directors seem have read the Kristen Bjorn chapter on cum shots as nearly everyone cums twice in the scenes. (Scene 4, as always, the exception.) WOODSMEN is a good film. It’s just not in the same class as Titan’s GORGE or SLAMMER, but then few are. If too many cooks can spoil the broth, then maybe too many directors can weaken a film.