Whack Attack 9 (Evolution) Review

Reviewed by Kelly  on  7/8/2004

Title: Whack Attack 9-Classic X
Company: Evolution Erotica
Length: 2 hours and 26 minutes (146 minutes)
Production Date(s): January 11, 2001
Re-Mastered Date: Dec. 2003
Release Date: June 2004
Condoms: None

Director: Tom Byron

The Abridged Version: A couple of years ago someone familiar with my past dalliance as a webmaster e-mailed me and kindly asked me to tell him my top 10 adult films of all time. Bored as I was at the time, I indulged this fellow fan of porn and of course pretty much all 10 I put in the list starred Taylor St. Claire because at the time she was the only porn star in the world to me. From St. Claire’s amazing tryst with Tom Byron to the ball draining foursome between Tom, Jessica Darlin, Jewel De’Nyle, and Nikita Denise, Whack Attack #9 was such solid gonzo that I put it at #1 on the list. Well, Taylor is still the hub that the rest of the porn universe gravitates around for me but years down the road my porn pallet is far more seasoned. So, I approached reviewing Evolution Erotica’s re-issue of Whack Attack 9 with curiosity. Not having seen the whole feature in over 3 years, I was wondering if it was going to be as good as I once thought it to be. What I found was not the best piece of pornography I had ever seen anymore. That honor belongs to John Stagliano’s Fashionistas (2002). However, this is still one of the titles I would put in my top 10. It is a truly solid piece of gonzo, even by today’s standards, with 3 amazing scenes, 1 great scene, and 1 average scene. For my money, Byron is still the master at pre-scene tease sequences, as footage taken of the girls as they are clearly posing for stills is edited together in an often ingenious manner to effectively introduce each scene. It is on the merits of the individual girl from that point on that the scene must fly or stay grounded. And one of the girls is simply not up to the task, though it should be pointed out that from a physical standpoint each girl looks amazing though Byron’s make-up girl could have served to hold back a little. They are all wearing just a tad too much make-up. Considering that we see more shots of big cocks going up their asses as opposed to shots of their faces, the make-up criticism is a small one. Overall, I wish Byron still made titles as good as this one as nothing I’ve seen him do with Evolution has been as good as this.

Scene 1: Taylor St. Claire (Magazine model turned anal queen, best natural set of breasts I’ve ever seen…I kind of like her) with Tom Byron (25 minutes)

I am biased but the tease sequence that kick starts this scene is easily the hottest of the tape. In the pre-scene interview, Taylor’s playful personality shines through as she toys with Tom. She makes him struggle to ask questions, laughs at him for having the camera in her face, teases him for making her wear panties when she never does that, and tells him that this is her first ever gonzo, which it of course isn’t. If you don’t care for the conversation though, then just feast your eyes on her body. She spends the whole interviewing lying belly down on a couch with her red dress hiked up to showcase her ass which is only covered by a skimpy pair of black panties. She poses for us after that, showing off her nice rack (an understatement) and shaved pussy and rather tight ass. Tom gives Taylor his seasoned wisdom when he sees her God-given huge, natural 34DD breasts and says she is blessed. He then shows her his sexual wisdom by getting her tight ass the loosest I’ve ever seen it as he rims her beautifully. After she gives him the Taylor-made blowjob, which calls for simultaneous blowjob and handjob as well as lots of saliva, they kick it off in cowgirl. This is all the precursor to anal that they need. Beginning with a great penetration shot, Tom fucks her ass real hard in missionary. Taylor takes the reigns back, sitting her ass on his cock in cowgirl. Industry legend that he is, Byron impressively still thinks like a director as Taylor is riding his cock in her ass real good. He reaches around both of her hips to get a good grip on both of her ass cheeks so that he can pull it wide for the several close-ups of the penetration the camera takes. Taylor eventually dismounts and if you look closely cum seems to fall out of her ass when she does so. This might explain why Byron only manages an average facial as she lowers her head next to his cock and opens her mouth as he jerks off. Since he does this while still sitting though, a little too much of the load falls back on his hand. This is still one of the best simply boy/girl anal scenes Taylor has ever done. Tis’ a real shame that these two only worked together this one time.

Scene 2: Samantha Stylle (sexy brunette, implants, former Tushy Girl) and Eve (gorgeous small-chested Hungarian blonde) with Luciano (34 minutes)

Samantha, a former Tushy girl, is looking very fine sitting on the couch, wearing tight, purple hot pants. She tries to have a conversation with cameraman Byron, but Eve suddenly jumps on her and starts going at it with her. Luciano is waiting in the wings during this, keeping his hands warm by sticking 4 of his fingers up Eve’s asshole. This gives way to Looch getting a royal blowjob from Sam, who is rolling and moaning in response to Eve’s tongue in her ass. How much more foreplay does a guy need? None. Truth be told, most of us don’t need any at all. Looch is fully aware of this, as he starts banging away at Eve’s pussy and then her ass in doggy style. Samantha, occasionally sucking on Looch’s cock straight from Eve’s ass, is literally begging for it. Sam wants it so much she foregoes vaginal nonsense and goes straight to nasty anal sex, riding Looch reverse cowgirl. Looch continues this merry-go-round of anal sex, treating Sam’s ass to sideways missionary and cowgirl. At this point, you’ve got consider something. You’ve got two model-gorgeous women completely naked and laying at your feet with their mouths wide open and moaning like sex-starved demons, what would you do? I’d love to think that I would shoot a huge fucking load over their faces and watch in post-orgasm enjoyment as the two sluts share my cum, which is exactly what Luciano does. Would I be able to deliver? Eh. That’s why Stefano (Luciano) gets paid the big bucks.

Scene 3: Brooke B. (painfully gorgeous blonde, think of a younger version of Inari Vachs) with Lexington Steele (24 minutes)

Tom tries to at least introduce Brooke and Lex to each other, but before he can get out two words Lex has his face buried in her pussy. It is an extremely wet pussy too that even surprises porn stud Lexington Steele at being so wet. Just as her dripping pussy surprised Lex, you’d think that the size of the man’s mammoth organ would scare Brooke. It doesn’t in the least bit, as she doesn’t hesitate to force it down her mouth. This girl isn’t stupid either because she knows that there is no way she will get Lex all the way down her throat. She compensates by making sure to simultaneously stroke his dick while sucking it. Lex is in no mood to ease her into this today though because as soon as she mounts him in cowgirl he starts banging away at her, allowing her no time to prepare for the size of his cock. Brooke loves it though, moaning all the way through it and the following positions: reverse cowgirl and spoon. An initiation to Lexington Steele wouldn’t be complete for a girl unless they took it both vaginally and anally, which is what Brooke does. She gets her ass speared missionary and reverse cowgirl. This pretty blonde tops of her scene by getting a face full of cum.

Scene 4: Kamy (very hot, dirty blonde hair, great ass and Australian accent) with Luciano (22 minutes)

Byron insinuates that Luciano is bisexual in the pre-scene interview, which causes Looch to dive right into Kamy and tear her up. He starts by giving her the anal treatment, spreading her brown eye very wide. She gives him a brief blowjob, but Luciano doesn’t need much and jumps straight to ramming her hard in reverse cowgirl. Why does Luciano even bother with vaginal sex anymore because you just know that the highlight of his scenes are when he initiates his partner’s ass to his cock. Kamy came ready for this and she must have really wanted it because she has an extremely tight ass. This doesn’t stop Luciano from pounding her in doggy style and reverse cowgirl. The ladder position is the real highlight though, with her getting nasty and vocal, occasionally jumping off of Looch to suck his cock straight from her own ass. Unfortunately, though, the scene just stops here. I really loved it up to this point, but it comes to an abrupt end, with Luciano spraying her face with his load. This is probably the weakest scene in the movie though, due to the abrupt end and also that Kamy just isn’t as into it as the other girls.

Scene 5: Jewel De’Nyle (gorgeous, bust brunette), Jessica Darlin (gorgeous, slutty blonde), and Nakita Denise (gorgeous brunette) with Tom Byron (38 minutes)

Tom leaves these three Extreme Associates vixens to himself, having the girls form a nice little assembly line at the beginning of the scene. They are all laying on a bed next to eachother, positioned in doggy style as to offer up their asses to Tom. As Tom knows, seeing these three gorgeous women in this position, each with tight panties just barely concealing their assholes is a pervert’s dream. After he sucks on all of three, they in turn all suck his cock and even lick his asshole. Nakita is the first one up and she gets it cowgirl and then anal in missionary. All three of the girls suck Tom’s cock straight from Nakita’s ass during this too. Jewel doesn’t want any vaginal fucking because she is ready for anal since Jessica has been licking her ass while Nakita and Tom went at it. Tom gives it to her very rough in cowgirl. Somehow Tom hasn’t blown his load yet and continues his enjoyment, fucking Jessica’s ass missionary and reverse cowgirl. During both of these positions, Jessica is getting her pussy licked by one of the girls which leads to a very hot close-up of cum slowly dripping out of her widespread pussy. The only proper way to end a scene like this is to shoot a Peter North type load, making sure to hit each girl in the face. Tom has done this countless time though and easily shoots his streams of cum over the girls’ faces. The scene ends with Nakita licking cum off of Jessica’s closed left eye.

The DVD: First off, as part of the Classic-X series each title has a newly re-designed box cover. Well, I wish they wouldn’t. In each case, the Extreme Associates cover looked far better than these very boring ones put out by Evolution. As for the actual DVD, the Classic-X installments are supposed to be inexpensive DVDs with very few features. The main point is simply to get a better transfer this time then they did when they released the titles on DVD years ago. So, the fact that the only extra here is a small photo gallery is understandable. The real question is whether or not you can see the difference and yes I can. It looks a little brighter. That’s about it. There were several audio faults in the feature that were either not fixed or actually caused by the re-mastering. Overall, I wouldn’t call it a huge facelift or anything but they do definitely look better visually.

Final Thought: Watching this reminded me of that brief time in porn when Extreme Associates was, to echo a popular phrase from the early 00s, “the shit.” They put out the best gonzo and Taylor St. Claire, Jewel De’Nyle, Jessica Darlin, Stryc-9, and several others put in legendary performances in front of their camera. Each new tape from Tom Byron was coveted as each new DVD from Jules Jordan is today. Then it all fell apart as power corrupted as it does and they started creating controversy for absolutely no other reason than to create controversy. Now all of those great directors work elsewhere and a lot of the quintessential Extreme girls (Stryc-9, Kristi Myst, Veronica Caine) are retired and gone. Heck, Tom Zupko is amazingly controlling himself now with Elegant Angel and consistently producing solid gonzo titles. And I don’t feel sorry for Rob Black in the least bit. I really don’t. It’s cool that Evolution is re-issuing the DVDs. As a consumer, I can appreciate that. But I honestly didn’t see a remarkable difference. I just hope that they finish releasing all of the Classic-X DVDs so that Byron might go back to focusing on producing new films. Whack Attack 9 was great in 2001. It is still great now. But what can you give me in 2004? I’d rather you cast St. Claire or Darling, the only two from this video that are still active, in something today instead of re-releasing what they did in the past. Hint. hint.

Rent it or Buy It: BUY IT…with some hesitation.

About the Author: A current college student, Kelly began his infatuation with pornography with the likes of late night Skinimax before graduating to hardcore. As such, sometimes storylines go a long way toward his enjoyment but sometimes he just wants to see some hard sex. In either avenue though, girl/girl bored him to tears. He used to operate a fan site dedicated to Taylor St. Claire, who is still to this day his favorite porn star. Right behind her at #2 and #3 in his top 3 girls of all time are Avy Scott and Jennifer Luv. Other favorites include busty women like Zora Banks, Cherry Mirage, Haley Paige, and Devinn Lane and slimmer women like Alyssa Love, Stephanie Swift, August Night, and Kelly Kline. He avoids Max Hardcore, Ed Powers, Vivid, and compilations as much as possible, and eagerly looks forward to releases from Evil Angel, Devils Film, New Sensations/Digital Sin, and Platinum X. He generally favors anal scenes and DP scenes with big facials, but is too timid for gangbangs and any such other extremities. His favorite directors are Jonni Darkko, Mike John, Joey Silvera, Tom Byron, and Jules Jordan. His favorite porn films of all time include The Fashionistas (2003), Whack Attack 9 (2001), Nice Rack 6 (2000), Service Animals 7 (2002), and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women 1 (2000) (Tristan Taormino!). When reading his "Rent it or Buy It" advice, take into consideration the fact that he almost never buys pornography. He is a habitual renter. If you would like to contact him about his review(s) or for any other reason, just drop him an at Beavis0002@aol.com.