Virtual Blowjobs: BJ USA Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  2/4/2003

Running Time: 29 min. (blowjob feature)

Production Date: 11 / 11 / 2001

Director: Dyanna Lauren

Cast: Brittany Blue, Jewel De’Nyle, Nikita Denise, Charlie, Zana, and some uncredited guys

Initial Expectations: I haven’t seen anything of Dyanna Lauren behind the camera, so I’m going in here with an open mind.

Initial Reaction: The more I watched it, the more pissed off and ripped off I felt (which really says something since I received this as a screener).

Who Should Watch It : Anybody curious about what Vivid has to offer but who doesn’t care about video quality

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting a lot of oral action or an interactive disc.

Audio /Video Quality: The audio is clear and well balanced. The video leaves more than a bit to be desired. It’s grainy, almost like a second or third generation VHS copy. It’s also extremely consistent throughout the entire DVD, including the bonus scenes. It’s decently lit, but nothing close to average.

Music: The music is pretty typical porn music, but rests nicely in the background. It actually fits the scenes pretty well.

False Advertising: The cover claims there’s behind the scenes interviews with the stars, and I couldn’t find it anywhere on the DVD. I’m penalizing the overall DVD a half point because of it.

Menus: The menu is somehow very clear and confusing at the same time. There’s some decent animation in the background, while the menu gives you choices of blowjobs, anal, hot blondes, shaved and sexy, and a few other choices. All of the main choices lead you to a secondary menu where you can choose a scene based on a small clip of the scene. The Blowjob area also gives you the name of the girl in the scene, and I guess is what you’d call the feature, with the others acting as bonus scenes. In each of the bonus scenes, you’re given the name of the feature as the scene starts.

The Feature: To start things out, you pick which starlet you want to suck “your” dick. From there, you have the choice of three different angles to watch each blowjob from, top, side, and a side close-up. In each case, one of the angles seemed like a waste, with the side angle occasionally focusing on things like the star’s stomach. On the plus side, however, all the multiple angles appear to be true multiple angles.

Brittany Blue, a decent looking brunette, starts things out. She plays with herself a little as she sucks “your” cock, and finishes things with a nice facial. It’s a decent blowjob scene but nothing too special.

Charlie, who rarely fails to impress me, is next in one of her rare boy-girl scenes. She playfully talks in between sucks, and gives plenty of great eye contact. She shows off her great rack and even slaps her titties with “your” cock between sucks. Finally, Charlie takes an eager facial without shying away from a single drop. It’s a hot blowjob, but way too short.

Jewel De’Nyle is next, and fills her portion with trash talking while having “you” jack it for most of the scene. I’m not sure that Jewel sucked cock for a quarter of the scene, but she does take a nice facial to end it with. This one didn’t do much for me.

Kelsey, a star who’s highly underrated in my opinion, starts out the second fifteen minutes of the “feature”. She also does a good job of trash talking, but never lets it get in the way of her cocksucking. She finishes things up taking a fairly minor pop on her face. Once again, it’s a decent blowjob scene, but as with Charlie’s, it seemed way too short.

The fabulous Nikita Denise is next. She puts her great green eyes to full effect as she sucks, and also adds more than a little trash talking . She finally takes a smiling facial to finish things off. Yep. That’s right. At roughly four and three quarter minutes this one seemed way too short.

Zana, a cute blonde who also rarely disappoints me, finishes off the main part of the feature. She fingers her pussy while she sucks and strokes the cock, and doesn’t give much for eye contact. She does take the pop nicely on her tongue, but the overall scene was a bit of a disappointment.

Every now and then a DVD comes along that makes you say “What the fuck is this?”. BJ USA is one of those titles, and I have a strong feeling that it’s going to piss off a lot of people. The blowjob portion of the feature doesn’t even last a half hour, while the majority of the DVD is filled with bonus scenes. Each blowjob scene lasts about five minutes each, which means that quite a few people paid a premium price for a feature that’s a quarter of the length of most other oral titles. Of course, since there’s three angles in Vivid’s mind that means they’re giving you almost an hour and a half rather than not quite a half hour. Finally, when the words “Virtual” and “Interactive” are included on the title, I expect something where I have more input than just what angle I’m watching. BJ USA made me have to double check my gag factor.

Extras: Trailers are included for Ultimate Heather Hunter, Ultimate Raylene, Deep Inside Chloe, and Devon: The Lost Footage. A photo gallery lasts three minutes with about ten seconds per photo. Unlike most photo galleries, the camera pans around the photo to give you a better look. There’s also web links. But that’s not all. There’s also a multitude of bonus scenes broken down by anal, hot blondes, and shaved and sexy. Sadly, Vivid isn’t even with it enough to give you links to all of the bonus scenes. Two of them are hidden behind the last scene in the anal section. Due to this lack of care and the overall poor video quality, what should have been a 5 for extras is instead getting a 3.5. It’s great to see bonus scenes, especially when somebody cares enough to let you know where they come from so you can check out the rest of the movie. Sadly, giving the name of the original feature is the only thing that doesn’t make them all feel just slopped onto the DVD.

The first anal scene comes from Sex in the Second Realm and features Chennin Blanc taking on Nick East and Steve Taylor. She sloppily sucks them both in a bathroom before things roughly cut to Nick fucking Chennin doggy style on the floor. Steve takes his turn from behind before Chennin goes in for a little reverse cowgirl for each of her holes with Nick. Finally, it roughly cuts to Chennin waiting with her tongue out while Nick strokes himself onto her tongue. Steve pops in next, but doesn’t get his man butter as far as her face. Although Chennin does a good job here, I couldn’t help but be bored by the scene. The camera work is really limited, and focuses on close-ups to the point that I darn near felt hypnotized. I’m glad nobody came in asking if I was a chicken or I might be trying to lay an egg rather than watching the rest of this DVD. On second thought, that might not be such a bad alternative.

Dale DaBone and Sydnee Steele get busy in a diner in a scene from Delirium next. Sydnee leans over the lunch counter to suck Dale’s dick before riding him as he lays on the counter. Dale fucks Syd from behind before moving into her ass missionary style. Sydnee finally finishes Dale off by sucking and stroking him onto her tongue and then going in to suck out every last drop. It’s a very hot and fun scene that really worked for me. Dale and Sydnee look to really be into each other and having a great time. It’s good enough that I’m even considering picking up the original movie.

In a scene from The Prisoner, Bobby Vitale and Kira Kener get busy along a pool. Kira starts out sucking and licking Bobby’s cock before letting him tongue her twat. Bobby moves on to fuck Kira missionary style, spoon her pussy, and finally stick it where the sun don’t shine. Bobby ends things by pulling out and popping on Kira’s great ass. It’s an okay scene that seems a little too laid back.

Randy Spears and overly implanted dark haired girl in a scene called Downloaded (a title I couldn’t find anywhere), which is hidden after the previous scene. Randy kisses all the vital parts on her body before she goes after his cock orally and rubs his ass a little. They move on to fuck cowgirl and missionary style before Randy has her turn around and bend over so he can fuck her in the ass. Finally, they finish things with a facial that the girl seemed like she was looking forward to. I know I was! It’s a long drawn out scene that didn’t do much of anything for me. In addition to being long, it also focused a lot on close-ups. Perhaps the most telling thing about the scene was when the thing that got my attention the most was the girl picking some fuzz or something off her chest as Randy fucked her.

Pat Myne and Dayton get busy on a stage in the second hidden scene from the anal section. Dayton starts things out with Pat’s cock in her mouth before laying back for him to part her lower lips with his cock. They move on through a bit of cowgirl and doggie before Pat moves into Dayton’s backdoor. Finally, he pops on her chest. It’s another so-so scene that failed to catch my attention in any way and made me reconsider my earlier thoughts about purchasing this DVD.

Lene Hefner and Jon Dough start out the Hot Blondes section with a scene from Night Hunger. It appears Jon and Lene were just married and are quickly getting down to business. Lene puts some nice effort into sucking Jon’s cock before stripping down to some nice white lingerie and letting Jon taste her twat. Jon seems intent on letting his tongue do all the work, so Lene slides a few fingers down to help him out, and then turns around for him to fuck her from behind. Lene rolls over to let Jon fuck her missionary style, and once again lets her fingers help him out. She plays with her clit and fingers her ass a little as he fucks her, and finally accepts his guy goo on her tits. Once again the editor seemed to like close-ups a bit more than I did, which made me want to dislike this scene. For some reason, and I think it was Lene taking action to make sure she got off, I couldn’t help but really kind of like the scene.

Dascha and Cheyne Collins hook up for a scene from Michael Raven’s Dreams next. They start out kissing each other’s nipples before Cheyne goes down to devour Dasha’s pussy as she leans against a movable staircase. Dascha returns Cheyne’s oral favors with some great sucking and stroking before turning around and letting Cheyne fuck her against the staircase again. They keep things going with a bit of reverse cowgirl, which looks great but like it sucked to film on the staircase, as well as a little missionary before Dascha sucks and strokes Cheyne to a decent facial. The music’s a bit on the loud side, and even has lyrics, which gives the scene a bit of a music video feel. It also took a lot of the heat from the scene for me. It’s beautiful to look at and it looks like Cheyne and Dascha were enjoying themselves pretty good, but I can rarely get into a scene much without any of the audio from the performers, which is all but nonexistent here.

Peter North, Lexus Locklear, and Mila round out the Hot Blondes section with a scene from Hawaiian Blast. Lexus sucks Peter’s peter as Mila watches, masturbates, and finally comes over to work on Lexus as she works on Peter. Peter goes on to fuck Lexus from behind before pile driving Mila’s ass, and finishes things up giving Mila a good facial from above. It’s a pretty good scene, but a little scary since Mila seemed the most interesting thing in it.

Starting out the Shaved and Sexy portion of the DVD is Jessica Drake and Devin Wolf in a scene from Obsession. Devin starts out vigorously tonguing and fingering Jessica’s honey hole before going directly to fucking her from behind. Devin picks Jessica up and moves her around so she can ride him reverse cowgirl style. She continues to energetically fuck his brains out before dropping down to energetically stroke him onto her face. Although there’s some lousy editing here, the scene is darn hot. I think I almost lost a couple pounds just watching this one. This is easily one of the best bonus scenes here.

Lori Michaels starts out sucking Joey Ray as he kneels on top of a bar in a scene from Portraits in Blue. She works her way out of her pants and turns around for Joey to bone her from behind. She takes a little control and rides him reverse cowgirl style before laying back for him to fuck her pussy missionary style and finally lets him fuck her ass doggy style. Lori finishes things up taking his butty goodness on her nicely natural tits. It’s a nice and soft scene, but feels just a little too soft. Lori’s very cute and goes through the moves nicely, but I couldn’t help but feel like that’s all it was, just going through the moves. She does intrigue me enough that I would like to see a little more of her in case this was an off scene.

Bobby Vitale starts out the final bonus scene eating out Rebecca Wild, who looks a bit ridiculous in pigtails with watermelon sized boobs, in a scene from Art Lover. She rolls him over so she can mouth his manhood and even lets him titty fuck her a little. Rebecca lays back so Bobby can start fucking her missionary style. Bobby’s pretty mechanical as he fucks Rebecca, so it’s a good thing when he decides to let her ride him cowgirl style, since Rebecca’s really getting into him fucking her. They finish things up with a little doggy style and Bobby stroking himself for darn near a minute to manage a little dribbly pop onto Rebecca’s crack. It’s an okay scene that made me hope that Bobby had already done a couple dozen scenes earlier in the day. Although I didn’t care for Rebecca’s looks, she did one heck of a good job here.

Themes (feature): Straight and oral
Themes (extras): Straight, group, anal, masturbation, voyeurism, and tit fucking

Raincoat Factor: High

Overall: Currently, Virtual Blowjobs: BJ USA can be found online for between $19 and $25 with most stores offering it at the low end. You’d get more for your money if you hunted down somebody who’d sell you $20 worth of ENRON stock rather than this DVD! The feature is so short you barely have time to get your zipper down to whack to it and the video sucks throughout the entire DVD. Yes, there are a ton of extra scenes, eleven of them running over two hours worth if anybody’s counting, but I picked up this DVD for a blowjob feature! If you just want a grainy look at what all Vivid can offer, this one’s probably worth the money (and you can add 3 to 4 points to the overall rating), but otherwise you’d be a heck of a lot better buying a couple other oral features from somebody who gives you a little bang for your buck.

Note to Vivid: I know it isn’t a hard rule or anything, but traditionally the extras don’t go longer than the feature. If so, they’re normally heavily related to the feature. Whoever approved this one should be put in a cell with Bubba Joe Jim Bob or whatever other hillbilly is in the county lockup for trying to molest dead farm animals.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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