Valley Girls 2 Review

Reviewed by Kelly  on  10/20/2004

Title: Valley Girls 2: Hardcore Dreaming
Company: Madness Pictures
Length: 1 hour and 45 minutes (105 minutes)
Production Date(s): June 2004
Release Date: August 23, 2004
Condoms: None

Director: Andre Madness

The Abridged Version: What's this? Vignette-based porn with some light storyline and perfectly non-offensive sex? I used to watch that crap. Yeah. All those old Dane videos, like University Co-Eds and Nineteen Video Magazine. But that was years ago. I've moved on to gonzo now, where every girl is a teenager and, excluding the August Night's and Jennifer Luv's of the world, does anal within the first month her career. Like the Skeeter man says, it's a beautiful thing. The funny thing is that gonzo is most definitely a very boring genre right now. It's not a beautiful thing. When people stop imitating Jules Jordan and start doing something original let me know. For now, I find myself looking into alternate choices and Madness Pictures reminds me of what I once found hot. Yes, it's stupid. Nikki Loren is not really a sexually repressed executive at a magazine company who fantasizes about her attractive male co-worker. Cherokee is not a still photographer dying to jump the bones of her female model. Jackie Moore is not a oceanside resident who has a habit of dreaming about seducing male surfers. Etc. They are all porn stars paid to have sex with people paid to have sex with them. But damn if it isn't a lot more enjoyable watching them do a little role-playing instead of the gonzo sitting on a couch, flirting with a director/cameraman, and then getting fucked harder than any girl should be by either John Strong, Michael Stefano, Erik Everhard, or Steve Holmes. That all being said, Valley Girls 2 is the right movie, right time, right place for me but I am not about to canonize it. I have been speaking of it thusfar in far too idealistic terms. After all, Hustler still does vignette style videos and I watch those without getting anywhere near excited. What makes this different? Nikki and Lola are amazing in their scenes. Simply amazing. That's the difference. So, the DVD starts off with a bang, levels out with a decent girl/girl in the third scene, and then plummets due to Jackie Moore's laxidasical attitude and Shy Love's suspect looks in the final two scenes. If I were a Jim Rome caller, I would close this by saying "more Nikki Loren and her sweet ass, more Lola and her insatiable attitude, I'm out."

Scene 1: Nikki Lorren (sexy brunette, voluptuous body, I like her a lot) w/Jean Val Jean (22 minutes)

Nikki is a gorgeous brunette with a soft voice and voluptuous body. Working in a high position at a magazine company, she does her best to reduce her sexual appeal by applying modest make-up to her face, putting her naturally long black hair up in a bun, and wearing a professional looking black business suit and skirt. It's all in the name of looking the part of the young businesswoman. However, today she looks across her desk and sees a tasty Frenchman named Jean. He's rambling about ways to improve marketing for the magazine but she is not at all listening to what he is saying (if you listen closely, he does hit on her a little bit). Instead, the romantic quality of his voice along with his male model-like good looks are taking her away to a place in her mind where she can be just a crazy twenty something valley girl and have fun. The two of them can fuck right there on her desk without risk of repercussions. Here, her hair is out of that bun and flows down to the middle of her back. Her simple earings are replaced by bigger, sluttier ones. And her outfit gives way to ultra-sexy black and pink lingerie complimented by black stockings. She urges Frenchy on as he licks her pussy and feels up her ample breasts. In return, she sucks his cock with absolute abandon and carefree joy. He rips off her stockings as prelude to fucking her passionately in missionary, sideways missionary, and doggy. They move from the desk and do reverse cowgirl in her chair until he shoots a big load in and around her mouth. Snapping back to reality, she sends Jean away as she has too many things on her mind. However, as he walks away she gazes longingly at the object of her dreams. That's the romance novel version. How about the porno side of it? Well, this is a good albeit unremarkable sex scene. It is enjoyable soley due to the efforts of Nikki Lorren, as she seems to ooze sensuality in every ounce of her being. I could watch her for hours. This is not a "I'm fucking your brains out" scene and that is actually part of its overall appeal.

Scene 2: Lola (sexy Latina, all natural, small breasts, fiesty as all get out) w/Seth Dickens and Jerry (16 minutes)

Lola is driving in a status symbol SUV, a rolling proclamation that she has plenty of money to spend. She looks out her window to see two muscular men lifting and moving boxes in what is clearly a wharehouse for an adult film company. Perhaps she sees some of the exposed boxcovers, depicting women engaged in lewd conduct with men, and wonders what it would be like to be in a porno. Perhaps that is a fantasy of her's. Or maybe it's just the sight of the two virile young men that gets her motor running. Either way, as she drives on by she looks in her rearview mirror and wonders what if. Suddenly, she's back at the wharehouse and getting out at the behest of Seth. It appears as if Jerry has fainted to the ground. Lola swoops in to apply mouth-to-mouth like a good concerned person. However, within seconds she finds Jerry kissing her back and Seth lifting up her skirt to look at her ass. Her hair is up, her neck is adorned with a simple knecklace, and her body is covered with a simple two-piece black top and skirt. She looks the image of an everyday-ordinary (albeit very attractive) woman but she's about to get fucked by two strangers in a porno-like situation and she seems excited as hell about it. In fact, in no time she is holding the boys by their necks and forcing their heads to her small breasts so that her nipples might be sucked. She attacks their cocks with alarming enthusiasm, her own saliva dripping from her chin to her chest. They fuck her in various positions, usually putting her on top of a box or a stack of boxes. The do missionary quite a bit as well as doggy and reverse cowgirl. In the end, the two fellas drop huge loads all over her face (specifically her chin) and chest. I liked this set-up and Lola was amazing, an example of how sexual aggressiveness can be contagious (meaning she leads the way and the guys follow). However, the scene suffers from the rule of porno threesomes where the girl with two guys will always have her mouth full of something and thusly not be able to moan.

Scene 3: Cherokee (cover girl #1, amazing body...damn!) and Jenaveve Jolie (cover girl #2, tattoo on her arm) (23 minutes)

Jenaveve is wearing sexy red see-thru lingerie as she poses for Cherokee the photographer. Though her augmented breasts are clearly visible underneath her top, Jenaveve does not feel comfortable with Cherokee's request to see her tits. The two lightly banter about it until Ms. Jolie quickly flashes the eager photographer. With that out of the way, they go right back to their PG-13 rated photoshoot. However, Cherokee drifts off into fantasy and carelessly clamps her finger down on her camera so that it is still taking pictures despite the fact that it is no longer being specifically aimed at anything (somewhat funny and convincing acting from Cherokee). Suddenly, Jenaveve's attitude has changed and she happily pulls down her top to air out her puppies. Cherokee, with no camera in sight, crawls on the ground to where Ms. Jolie is standing. The two then face eachother and start groping eachother, in a similar fashion to the way the softcore girls on Skinimax do it. They suck on eachother's nipples, slowly undress eachother, and do their best to position themselves so that the camera cannot see the ripples caused by their unfortunate implants (both girls have 'em). Things go beyond Skinimax once Cherokee's tongue finds its way into Jenaveve's pussy. However, this is still an a-typical girl/girl scene. They eat eachother out, then they 69, and then they use sex toys on eachother. The highlights are a piledriver position Jenaveve gets into and a dildo DP that Cherokee receives. Both of these girls are hot and energetic, Cherokee especially. Too bad they both have implants (I've seen far worse) and too bad this is just a girl/girl scene.

Scene 4: Jackie Moore (Bette Davis eyes, all natural, B cup, brunette w/highlights, lotsa anal scenes on her resume) w/Alex Rox and Talon (20 minutes)

Jackie is living in a house with an amazing view of the ocean. This also means that she has a great view of the hot, young muscular guys that drive out by her house to go surfing. Alex and Talon roll up with their surfboards and she fucks them with her mind from afar, standing on her balcony. There is an odd moment where the guys notice her noticing them and they do the polite head-nod. This is accompanied by odd kung-fu sound effects that don't make much sense other than the obvious connotation of battle of some sort going on between Jackie and the boys. They go on their merry way but she closes her eyes and suddenly they're all three naked and kneeling on her balcony. She is stroking their cocks as they play with her magnificent breasts. They've gone through plenty of foreplay by the time the two guys take turns fucking her pussy in missionary and doggy. Alex gets the exclusive on her ass though, penetrating it as Talon pounds her pussy during both reverse cowgirl and cowgirl DP. As they stand by her face, one man fails to cum while the other produces enough cum to look like it came from two men. So, she ends with plenty of skin lotion on her face and chest. Alas, these idiots knew what was probably going on in her mind and went surfing anyway because we end with her looking down at their empty car and looking disappointed. This one suffered the same threesome problem that Lola encountered earlier. And Jackie didn't get all that into it until the very end.

Scene 5: Shy Love (bad implants, brunette, stripper figure) w/Steven St. Croix (21 minutes)

Shy Love, to paraphrase Clueless (1994), is like a "full-on Monet." From far away, she looks hot but when you get up close it's messy. From far away, she is a busty brunette with a stripper's body. Up close, she has horrendoues implants that porn stars in 2004 should not have (maybe normal in the late 90s but not now) and a peculiar face that I wouldn't call ugly but I wouldn't call pretty either. However, some right here at ADT bow at the altar of Shy Love and find Taylor St. Claire boring while I am the exact opposite. So, in the interest of fairness, the scene begins with Shy dusting her living room. She comes to a piano and closes her eyes. For some reason, when she opens her eyes she is wearing different clothes and dancing (non)sexually as Steven St. Croix plays the piano (where'd he come from?). Ever see the episode of Friends where Phoebe (Lisa Kudrow) does a comically ludicrous "sexy dance" as she is trying to seduce Chandler (Matthew Perry)? Well, that was funny. The laugh-track told us so. Shy's dance here deserves a laugh-track. Either way, she sheds her clothes and sits on Steven's lap. He moves her over to the couch that every single gonzo girl has been fucked on nowadays (watch a lot of current porn? Trust me, you've seen this couch). He licks her coochie and she sucks his cock. They go right to anal, the ease at which this happens and the spread of her cheeks being an indication that Shy does anal, anal, and some more anal scenes and nothing else. Anal in doggy. Anal in sideways missionary. Anal in missionary. Shy moaning loudly as her breasts refuse to move even an inch. Blah, blah, blah. The only amazing thing is that she tries to actually swallow Steven's massive load in the end. He ain't Peter North but at times he can be damn close. She's lucky he missed her mouth with most of it. Back in reality, she does a funny little head shake, kind of a "what the fuck was that all about?" thing. I agree as this is a clunker of a scene to end on.

The DVD:
Steve Austin's "Nastier Side" (32 minutes)-This is a collection of solo girl bonus scenes, with each girl in the cast getting time (Nikki's 2 minutes is the shortest of them all). It's mostly dirty talk into the camera accompanied by light pussy petting, though Lola goes above and beyond and gets her pussy very wet.
Behind the Scenes (4 minutes)-Typical scattershot BTS, focusing largely on Lola. You do find out that the blazer that Nikki wore for the first half of her scene made her look professional when sitting behind the desk. In full view though, the skirt is actually very short and her blazer doesn't even cover her stomach. She looks even sexier in this than she does in the lingerie she wears for the majority of her scene.
Bloopers (3 minutes)-I do so adore Nikki but, I've said it before, at times she reminds me of Jessica Simpson with her naivete. We see her first meeting Jean as he is on his knees in an office. She hugs him and innocently flirts presumably under the impression that he was a midget of some sort. Once they tell him to stand up, she realizes why they call it the chicken of the sea. Also of note is Lola consoling a dejected Jerry and explaining that she kept pushing him away from her pussy as he was eating her out because his stubble was scratching her and not in a good way.
Slide Show
Trailers-Ass Driven 2, Legal Tedner 2, Magic Sex Genie

Final Thought: This is the right film, right place, right time for me. Read my review of Michael Stefano's Full Anal Access #4 and you'll see how disillusioned I am with gonzo at the moment. So, this light piece of porn starring two sexy woman I like in Nikki and Lola is a breath of fresh air. Will it be for you though? I dunno. It doesn't suck. I can tell you that. Some of the gonzo I have seen lately? Well, it has sucked. I'd be more comfortable sitting and watching this porno with my girlfriend than I would be trying to get her to watch Full Anal Access #4 (unless she has a whole different side to her that I don't know about.)

RENT IT or BUY IT: RENT IT. Let me put it this way, I didn't buy this one and I am glad I didn't yet I am glad that I saw it.

About the Author: A current college student, Kelly began his infatuation with pornography with the likes of late night Skinimax before graduating to hardcore. As such, sometimes storylines go a long way toward his enjoyment but sometimes he just wants to see some hard sex. In either avenue though, girl/girl bored him to tears. He used to operate a fan site dedicated to Taylor St. Claire, who is still to this day his favorite porn star. Right behind her at #2 and #3 in his top 3 girls of all time are Avy Scott and Devinn Lane. Other favorites include busty women like Zora Banks, Jessica Sweet, and Haley Paige, and slimmer women like Stephanie Swift, Jennifer Luv, August Night, and Alex Devine. He avoids Max Hardcore, Ed Powers, Vivid, and compilations as much as possible, and eagerly looks forward to releases from Evil Angel, Platinum X, and Devils Film. He generally favors anal scenes and DP scenes with big facials, but is too timid for gangbangs and any such other extremities. His favorite directors are Chris Streams, Mike John, Joey Silvera, Tom Byron, and Jules Jordan. His favorite porn films of all time are The Fashionistas (2003) and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women 1 (2000). When reading his "Rent it or Buy It" advice, take into consideration the fact that he almost never buys pornography. He is a habitual renter