They're All Whores Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  4/23/2007

The Little Details

Running Time: 123 min.

Production Date: 9 / 12 / 2004, 2 / 11 / 2005, 6 / 1 / 2005, 6 / 20 / 2005, 9 / 29 / 2005, 10 / 7 / 2006

Director: Lu Bricate

Cast: Gen Padova, Sandra Romain, Tory Lane, Andrew Andretti, Anthony Hardwood, Ben English, and Jenner with hosts Scarlett Summer and Lu Bricate

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: I can't say that I've heard of Lu Bricate before and the title doesn't do a lot for me, but there's a good looking cast here that gives me a bit of hope for this one.

Initial Reaction: It's nothing you haven't seen done better somewhere else.

Who Should Watch It : Fans of the stars

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting something that feels the least bit fresh

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects hover just below the average mark. The audio is clean and free of background noises, but sometimes the balance seems slightly off. The video is presented in the full frame format, and leaves a bit to be desired. It often shows just a touch of pixelation, and also has some fairly jerky camera motion and focus problems. The lighting is also noticeably inconsistent and weak, with the editing feeling very amateurish and slightly choppy. This one doesn't even make it to the average mark technically.

Music: There's a little music at the start of each scene, but that's it.

Menus: The main menu works together the boxcover, a clip from the movie, and a little animation for a very generic opening feel. The chapter menu breaks from the typical clip and scene number to let you choose a scene based on a still of each girl and their name.

The Feature

Lu starts things out chatting about how the title of the movie doesn't just refer to the girls before moving on to talk about his co-host Scarlett, who lays back on the couch in a sexy black bra and panties about how much he enjoyed watching her in action in one of his other movies. They introduce each scene and sometimes mention the previous scene, but their comments don't always match the scene they talk about.

Scene 1 – Tory Lane and Ben English

Wonderfully slutty Tory starts things out in a pink cap with her pink and black sportsbra and panties pulled to the side so she can play with her twat and show off her tits. Ben arrives and shoves his cock in her eager mouth to give her a good face fucking and encourages Tory to gag herself as she bobs her head onto his cock. Ben moves around to play with her pussy as she sucks him before spinning her around and sitting down so she can impale her pussy on his cock reverse cowgirl style. Ben also nails her from behind before lifting up a leg to fuck her bow and arrow style and lets her ride him cowgirl style. They even get in a little missionary work before Ben unleashes an impressive load all around Tory's face.

Starting out the scene, Lu talks about how Tory looks like a librarian, which I can't quite figure out since she has her same outfit on the cover. Heck, maybe I just need to change libraries (and no offense is meant towards the dirty blonde hottie who was working at my local library the last time I was in). If one can get beyond that, which really shouldn't be hard, this is a darn hot scene. It's an intense scene, which one should expect from Ben and Tory, and there's plenty of chemistry as well. Tory seems to want to get fucked just as hard as Ben can give it to her, and puts out vocals to match her energy. This is a darn hot scene to start the movie off with.

Scene 2 – Gen Padova and Andrew Andretti

Gen starts out the second scene with Andrew's cock in her mouth. Soon after she starts taking Andrew into her throat Gen throws up, and when she asks if the director wants her to keep going on he tells her she can throw up whenever she wants and she goes back to throating Andrew. She keeps bobbing her head on his cock and even lies back to let him fuck her face before Andrew gives her a little oral attention and starts fucking her missionary style. He lets Gen have his cock in each of her holes, and of course Gen sucks him clean before getting up to ride him reverse cowgirl style. She goes back to sucking him, and finishes things up taking a very impressive facial finish.

This scene didn't do a lot for me. I'm not a fan of rough blowjobs, and girls throwing up while sucking cock is a big turnoff for me. After starting the scene so quickly at such a low point for me the scene never recovered, and only really having two positions didn't help anything. I just couldn't get into this scene.

Scene 3 – Morgan March and Anthony Hardwood

When Anthony catches hot blonde Morgan in his house looking through his stuff, she's willing to do most anything to get out of it. She drops down to suck his cock before they head to the couch where he strips her down to her lacy red bra and panties. Those hit the floor right after her clothes and Morgan hops up to ride Anthony reverse cowgirl style. She turns around for the cowgirl ride and lets Anthony take her doggie style before they move through some missionary work and spooning. Finally, Morgan sucks and strokes Anthony to a pop on his stomach that magically appears due to an editing cut.

This is a pretty average scene. I've heard some porn babes say they love working with Anthony, but he's never really seemed to bring much to a scene beyond a good hard cock. The chemistry is pretty bland here with Morgan doing an okay job through it all. The camera work also seems very average and moves around without really feeling like it was bring drawn anywhere while the editing hurt the scene by cutting out the actual pop. This is a pretty average scene.

Scene 4 – Sandra Romain and Andrew Andretti

Hot brunette Sandra starts out the penultimate scene letting Andrew strip off her panties so he could slide a sparkly blue vibe into her ass that Lu plays with. Andrew moves around so she can suck and stroke his cock while he reaches back to slap her ass before working the toy between Sandra's mouth and ass. He fucks each of her holes missionary style before working his way between them in doggie. Of course Sandra makes sure to get a good taste of her ass from his cock, and continues to let him bone her holes as she lies on her sides, props herself up for a good pile driving, and gets on top for the mandatory reverse cowgirl. Finally, Sandra gets down to take a nice facial and suck out the last little bit.

Once again the lead-in to the scene made me wonder if Lu even knew what movie he was watching. While he talks about Sandra starting out in a dress, the scene instead started out with Sandra only wearing panties for as long as it took for Andrew to strip them off. As for the sex, as much as I hate to say it, this seemed like a very generic Sandra Romain scene. Yes, she takes it in each of her holes extremely well and doesn't bat one of her beautiful eyes at the thought of sucking her ass off Andrew's cock. Rather than making it something one can't look away from, the camera work and editing made this feel like a scene you've seen many times before only the other times were better. This isn't a bad scene, but it also can't get past the average mark.

Scene 5 – Veronica Jett and Jenner

Cute brunette Veronica starts things out sleeping when Jenner moves in to pull the covers off and admire her in her sexy little pink and black outfit. He slaps her ass, but apparently Lu put her to sleep to the point that she doesn't wake up then or when Jenner pulls up her top to admire her great tits and her bottom to start playing with her pussy. Veronica starts to come to as he plays with her snatch, and lets him finger her ass as well before he moves in to start fucking her face. Jenner fucks her from behind before spooning her, and then takes each of her holes in cowgirl and missionary with Veronica taking some nice tastes of her ass. They finish things up with a bit of pile driver before Jenner pops on her ass and heads out the door.

Watching this scene I couldn't help but wonder if the cameraman was obsessed with Jenner's ass. It seems to be captured as much as Veronica's face, but personally I'd much rather watch Veronica even though she did mug the camera horribly during some of the scene. She gives up her pussy and ass nicely and takes some good tastes of Jenner's cock to clean it up, but the entire style of the scene makes it feel generic and forgettable. This is another average at best scene.

They're All Whores is one of the few pornos to remind you of family trips from your youth. More specifically, it reminds you of the “Are we there yet?” cries from those family trips. The only thing that really separates They're All Whores from so many other pornos is having a slightly overweight middle aged Italian guy introducing scenes that he may or may not know about with the help of a stereotypical porn chick named Scarlett that doesn't really add anything to the rest of the movie. The sex scenes are extremely average and generic with nothing that ever seems remotely original or special in any way. The editing is easily a bit on the weak side, and badly so at times. This isn't just a case of inconsistent lighting, but goes right on to Scarlett being dressed from one angle and topless in another or missing the pop shot in Anthony's scene. I guess Tory Lane's scene would be the best here, but there really isn't anything about the movie that seems memorable in any way. They're All Whores is a generic and forgettable porno.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery lasts just over two minutes with about five seconds per good looking full screen photo. There's also a trailer for Lu's Kuntrol and a boxcover shot of Teen Panty Droppers. There's also several behind the scenes featurettes and commercials.

The behind the scenes featurettes are nicely broken down by performer. Tory Lane's Backstage Pass lasts just under seven minutes. Tory talks about sex and giving up the booty in the future, which shows just how long ago her scene was filmed, as well as showing off for the camera a bit. Veronica's Dirty Fantasy lasts a little under a minute and a half where she talks about one of her fantasies which her scene appears to be based on. Unfortunately, you also get to hear prompting from the cameraman about her fantasy which ruins it. Sandra: Straight from Romania lasts nearly nine minutes with Sandra showing up acting like she just showed up, ran out of money, and heard they could help her out if she'd pose for some photos. Even with the scenes being over a year old this seems ridiculous, and I almost reached for the remote because of it. Finally, Gen Padova's Model Search lasts about four and a quarter minutes where she talks about her modeling experience with the cameraman before “learning” that she's going to have to suck cock to get paid. It's an okay collection of featurettes, but sadly they didn't work any better for me than the movie did.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, anal, ass to mouth, rimming (male > female), and toys

Raincoat Factor: Medium high

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, Lu Bricate's DVDs can be found online for between about $12 and $20. Rent this one first or aim low. The movie isn't bad, but there's nothing memorable about it either. The technical aspects are a little below average, but there's some decent effort put into the extras. This is a very forgettable DVD.

Note to Lu Bricate: It's great to see you putting such nice effort into your extras. I hope in the future you put the same amount of effort into your technical aspects and making your movies feel special in some way.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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