Taboo Sex Acts Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  4/16/2005

My dictionary defines Taboo as: “prohibited or forbidden by tradition. A prohibition placed on certain acts which makes them unmentionable.” So one would expect to see something called TABOO SEX ACTS to feature incest or, at the very least, barebacking. Well, forget it. This is just another typically dull unimaginative piece of limp-dicked drivel from this repetitive and tiresome studio featuring less than average guys attempting to engage in bad sex.

We begin with two guys in military fatigues. One is a skinny smirking redhead with a nice dick and pink pubes. Seeing his feet, it appears he has nail fungus. The other is a semi-pump brunet with a sore at the side of his mouth that may be herpes. You wouldn’t want to climb in the sack with either. I suggest you turn the sound off or fast forward through the usual obnoxious banter that always begins these scenes. Talk of pussy and the guys telling when they last had some when probably the closest they’ve come to ever seeing a naked woman was in getting a glimpse of Janet Jackson’s boob at the Super Bowl. They jack their dicks and feel one another while fending off attacks from Uncle Don whose filming this tripe. Finally the resident cocksucker in the ski mask comes in and blows both condom-clad cocks. So, what’s taboo? Being blown while wearing a condom? The scene ends as they all end (seen one of these you’ve seen them all) with one of the guys jacking off on a full-length mirror.

There’s another redhead in scene two. This one has sores all over his face, hands and torso. (YUCK!) He’s paired with a young college freshman who is fairly cute. They put on condoms and fuck a blow-up doll; then get a mediocre blowjob from the ski mask. There are no condoms on the cock this time and I think it would be much safer if Red were wearing one! When the masked man retires, the kid kneels and sucks Red’s cock. He does a much better job than the masked man which is probably why Uncle Don stops him. (Shit, just when the film was finally getting warm.) It’s time to stand and jack off onto the mirror. The kid cums.

The third scene has three guys. Two are military types (Mr. Herpes and friend); the other is a regular called Peewee. I don’t know why he’s a regular as he’s a piss-poor cocksucker and an even worse bottom who’s never yet been properly fucked as he fusses whenever anyone attempts to enter his ass. Let’s cut right through the pussy talk and get right to the stripping down. They pull on ther puds trying to get hard. To keep from looking at limps dicks we get an almost unending view of their rear ends. Peewee sucks one of the guys (rather mouths one of the guy’s cocks). The guy doesn’t get hard. Peewee says, “I’d be scared if you did get hard. That would mean I know what I’m doing.” Never fear, Peewee, you don’t. The other guy puts on a condom before Peewee does one of his few second mouth jobs. The guy’s cock looks as though its encased in Saran wrap. (Maybe that’s because it’s the guy from scene one that seemed to have herpes.)

Scene four brings Peewee back (oh, no!) with the cute college kid from scene two and a runty redhead who’s wearing a sailor suit and hat—both of which are too big for him. Once again let’s cut through the chatter to get to the naked part. The sailor has red pubes and a tiny limp dick. The college kid is nicely hung. Only Peewee has a raging boner. (And this kid pretends that he’s not gay.) The blow-up doll returns briefly. The college kid sucks on the sailor’s limp dick. He was better at this in scene two, now he seems to be imitating Peewee who now goes down on him. The kid is wearing Saran wrap on his cock as Peewee gives his usual crappy blowjob. The kid lubes up to fuck Peewee and we go through the comedy of errors I saw once before when someone tried to fuck this twerp. Good grief, Uncle Don, if you want Peewee fucked then lube him up with fingers and/or a dildo to open up his punk ass before trying to insert a cock! Finally after Peewee’s constant complaining, the kid actually manages to get the head of his dick in. The whole thing's about as erotic as watching a gallbladder operation. It all ends with the kid jacking off onto the mirror. (Would Body Shoppe know how to end a scene any other way?)

What’s ‘taboo’ is charging the same amount for this as for a film made with professionals that has good sex. Still, I’m really an optimist. I keep watching the Body Shoppe films hoping to find one that’s halfway decent—maybe even a GOOD one. One day, perhaps when gas is under $2 a gallon again, I might.