Spy Hard (Sunshine) Review

Reviewed by joeblow69  on  12/12/2000

Once again, I’ve been compelled into buying another Sunshine production… this time it was cover man Eric Evan’s hairy chest that made me reach into my wallet and cough up my hard earned money. With a title like Spy Hard, you might expect a complex espionage epic ala CatalinaVille. Unfortunately, the story here is about as paper thin as you can get.

Gabe Rivers and Cole Reece start things out, talking very briefly about the sinister Goldfister, who is ruining all the bottoms in gay porn. Apparently, Cole is Spy Hard’s version of Q, and describes all sorts of kinky sex weapons he created for our hero (Eric Evans). (I would have loved to see the tazer tit-clamps or dildo death-ray in action!) Cole has a relatively toned body, and a nice coat of fur on him. But where is the makeup girl when you need her? He looks good from far away, but please… spare me the close ups! Gabe is a potential cutie, but looks like he hasn’t spent a day in a gym in his entire life! The two suck each other for a little bit, then Cole fucks Gabe doggie style and on his back. The scene ends with 2 rather weak cumshots (which is a theme throughout this flick).

Elsewhere, Agent 69 (Lazar Zorba) and Patrick Ives discuss Eric’s chances of beating Goldfister. Patrick is looking a little better here than I last saw him (in the miserable Measure for Measure). Lazar is a big, muscly Russian (or German, it’s hard to tell) guy with a large tattoo on his chest. He sure is cock- hungry, though, and seems to cherish Patrick’s prick, swallowing it to the root many times. At one point, he even begs Patrick to fuck him. Patrick obliges, and porks Lazar in a couple positions. I was a little bummed that we didn’t get many views of Lazar’s cock, but as soon as he was ready to cum, I realized why. Lazar has one of the shortest wieners I have ever seen on film. It has some girth, but man, it is REALLY short. (Note to readers: If you can jack off with only 2 fingers, you have a small wiener.)

At Goldfister’s secret hideout, two guards (Sweet Williams and Scott Mann) talk about what a crummy guy Goldfister is. Apparently, a recent guard caught loafing was fisted to death! Yikes! That doesn’t keep Sweet and Scott from taking some time out for a little hide the salami action. Sweet has a great body, and a fairly large cock, which Scott wastes no time swallowing. Sweet then sucks off Scott, not forgetting to slurp on Scott’s balls while he’s down there. Sweet screws Scott doggie style, then on his back before they both shoot. This scene really had my motor running for a while, until the camera caught a rather unappealing view of Sweet’s ass. For some reason, it looked way to flabby, and was rippling like Jell-O with each thrust. Talk about a major boner killer!

Somehow Agent 10 (Eric Evans) finds his way into Goldfister’s (Brent Banes) bedroom. Eric actually says “It looks like the only way I can stop you, is to top you.” With that, the two get naked. Eric and Brent are real life lovers, so expect to see a little more heat here than in the rest of the film. Both these guys are quite big and beefy. Eric looks to be balding a bit on top, but more than makes up for it with the hair on his pecs. Brent spends some quality time chewing on one of Eric’s nipples, as well as running his tongue all over his hairy chest. Brent sucks his man off in a variety of positions, then gets fucked all over the bed. When they get to the cumshots, Brent lets loose the most pathetic cumshot I have ever seen in my entire life. Seriously, one drop of cum barely leaks out! Eric’s cumshot is a little better, but overall, it is a very disappointing ending to a pretty hot scene.

There is a bonus angle to chapter 4… it appears to be the very end of a black on white gang-bang scene. It doesn’t last very long, and since it is a bonus angle, the audio is from the Spy Hard scene. This scene doesn’t have anything to do with the movie, and I’m not really sure why it was added.

Overall, the video quality is decent. It does seem a little grainy in places. Except for the bonus angle, there aren’t any special features, and it would be nice if there were a few more chapter stops, considering each scene is around 20 minutes.

As I mentioned earlier, don’t buy this one expecting any semblance of a plot. The spy theme is only used to give the actors a few lines to say before they get naked. The first scene is a total loss, the second two have a few hot spots, and the final is pretty much a winner. This is the second Sunshine flick I’ve bought recently, and it seems that they are slowing but surely improving. They have proved that they can do a hot scene if they really try, now all they have to do is be consistent.


click here for screenshots