South Beach Papi Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  1/7/2004

Expecting to see some big uncut dicks? Expecting to see those dicks put to good use? Well not with this turkey. Only two of the cocks could possible be termed “big” and none get really hard enough to be put to much use. It appears that these Latinos are all straight guys who have been cajoled in to performing gay sex for the camera. In other words, “paid”. They do it, but their hards are not in it. Repetitious Latin music plays in the background.

Shooting the first scene with a lighted lamp and a glaringly white Venetian blind in the background was not a good idea. Even a novice should have figured that was a no-no. One of the guys in this scene does have a big one but watching his limp-dicked buddy sucking on it for ten futile minutes is a tad wearisome. I was just about to hit the fast-forward button when the dick finally achieved enough firmness to enter another orifice. But this was all too brief and disinterested on the part of the participants. (As it was to be throughout this tepid exercise in tedium.) Both manage to produce small spotty loads. Ho-hum.

A shower is the setting for the next scene. A light-skinned older guy is showering when a cute young Latino joins him. The cock on the older dude gets hard (hooray!) but it’s probably the tiniest dick I’ve seen in porn (5” tops). The Latino sucks on it. He certainly doesn’t have any trouble taking all of it in his mouth. The young Latino’s cock stays as limp as dead snake. You won’t have penis envy watching this scene. The young guy gets fucked with the tiny tool and looks excessively bored while it’s being done. Maybe if the older dude had sucked on the younger one’s dick it might have hardened somewhat. The fuck started with a condom. Then it cuts to the young guy sitting on the cock unclad. He stands up in time for the cock to shoot.

Two skinny dark guys—in startling contrast to the white walls and sheets—are up (oops, wrong choice of words) are IN the next scene. One crawls up onto the bed on all fours and the other gets behind him and tries to fuck him. Ten seconds later we find both clad on the bed being interviewed. Who cares? These guys don’t have an IQ of 50 between them. After this awkward inane conversation one of the guys lowers his trousers and the other tries to bring life to his limp tool. The sucking goes on and on and on. Finally it achieves some measure of rigidity, but the sucker remains totally un-aroused. Long after I lost interest, they jacked off.

Two more brown-skinned guys fill the bed for the next scene. After one has sucked for a time on his buddy’s limpy, a light-skinned guy—who is rather good-looking—arrives on the scene. He plops down and lowers his trousers, revealing…..yet, another limp dick. When the sucker begins CPR on it, the dude who was being sucked moves to the end of the bed where he can watch the film on TV of a guy eating pussy. (Why are we shown this? We know these guys are straight by the poor way they have sex.) The white-skinned guy being sucked chews gum in time to the sucking. He’s getting a dry suck—just the lips on the head. (No wonder these guys take forever to get hard.) The TV watcher had gotten his cock hard watching the carpet-munching and returns for service. The gum chewer pulls on his pants over his un-aroused dick and departs. But he returns after a time. Now pantless he toys with his noodle watching the TV. Now, talk about a downer: we are given a long look at the action on television as a cock goes into a cunt. The guys we were watching eventually cum in small droplets.

If you want proof that gay sex with straight guys is boring, look no further.
The film was directed by Edward James, who continues to consolidate his reputation as the Ed Wood of gay porn.