Solo Over 40 Review

Solo Over Forty: Volume 1

Highlights:

Older damsels, masturbation

Data:

1999, Channel 69, 86 minutes

Models:

Danielle Blond, Cali, Delanea, Fiero, Kristina St. James, Ana Lisa, Lynn Ross, Pantera, Shelli, Tania

Featured Screenshot

Special Features

Notable Older Damsels: [0/6]

Some are quite nice, but given that they are all green or orange on the video... eh, waste of breath.

Anal Play: [0/6]

None.

Deep Oral Penetration: [0/6]

None.

Footsies: [0/6]

None.

Kissing: [0/6]

None.

Summary

Purchase Recommendation: [2/6]

Overall Rating: [2/6]

This video might very well be used as an instructional material... how to not make videos. Where should we start? Perhaps it is best to start with the title. Solo Over Forty. What sort of images do you have in mind upon reading? Mature and older damsels pleasing themselves in a discreetly lit room, somewhere in that cozy state of being half-awake, and half-aroused? Not! Whilst it is true that the ladies use their fingers, it happens only from time to time, and when it does, or just before, the episode is violently aborted. Perhaps what we see here is a series of outtakes from b/g videos, those few moments when the girls are still alone. Thus we come to the first flaw of this DVD: the episodes are leftover crap, and not one of them is full-length as far as the play ic concerned.

Wait, there is more. The hairy cameraman, a dreaded ghost of lesbian and solo girl videos. If you are bothered by the sight of a cameraman's hand grabbing the girls (we are), then run away! This video is your worst nightmare. More, the clueless guy keeps grabbing one girl for the entire episode. This is solo? Excuse us? Take a stroll.

The colors, ah, the colors are indeed a prime feature of this movie. Varying all the way from gravestone gray, through deathly blue and oversaturated orange -- to grainy green. Even women who look good otherwise, look like zombies on such a tape. The experience is just gross. This is a cheap port from the VHS.

This series is advertised as one with older women masturbating like there's no tomorrow. Hey? First we hear. False advertising, is what comes to mind. They mostly massage their dry bottoms, most often dressed, or are grabbed by the Hairy Cameraman Demon(TM) haunting this video. If you know of a way to exorcise this specter out from this video, let us know.

Locations are abysmal. One woman lies on the floor of some shack that is just about to be torn down. She lies in dirt. Another, one of the only two ladies who actually masturbate -- lies on a couch in a room where the curtains haven't been changed since Queen Victoria, the paint comes off the wall, and there is a stink coming in from the screen: the stink of a room unwashed and unclean. Lord, the scenery does not have to cost you a fortune. But make it at least sanitary!

Cuts. Most of the scenes are cut just before the girls begin to warm up. Given that the Hairy Cameraman Demon(TM) cannot keep his trap shut all the time, all that we get is a prelude to foreplay, almost all of it boring and very far from sexy.

Enough? No? Make the viewing of this video mandatory for young adepts of the black magic art of cinematography.

Details

Episode 1: Danielle Blond

Each episode begins with a laughable attempt to create 3D cube effects with a preview of what's to come. Right off the bat, we are introduced to an Old Amerindian Chief. Oh, sorry, that is the first performer, Danielle Blond (guess what, she is blond!). The Hairy Cameraman Demon(TM) keeps grabbing her, and in a rare moment when he does not, we managed to snatch a screenshot of a breast. Fear not, seconds later, the hairy hand grabbed the tits. The woman giggles like a young girl, but is so scary-looking (about as much as the Old Chief) that we didn't dare take a screenshot. When she finally begins to play, the video is cut off. In other circumstances, we would have sworn: what the fuck in Old Norse perhaps, but given that the woman was of green color on this video, we didn't mind.

Episode 2: Pantera

The we are treated to an extreme close-up of Pantera's face... à la dentist! The damsel would look just fine, if not for her shabby clothes, bad haircut, and of course, the fact that she looked green, like most others. Her efforts at warming herself up were in vain. She remained as dry as she was. Then she crawls on all fours towards the Hairy Cameraman Demon(TM), and we are left wondering if she is giving him a blowjob. In a solo girl video! Unthinkable, this.

Episode 3: Shelli

Well, well, for once the girl is no longer green. Perhaps instead of reusing the same tape, and cleaning the floor with it, they actually bought a new one in the bargain bin. The girl is not a looker, but she at least smiles. And then you experience a cognitive disonance. In any other video, her masturbation scene would have been deemed ridiculous; the girl does not even know how to move, or perhaps she never pleased herself -- but here? Here, our friend, you are grateful that she is not green. No matter, at least we had a 7-second shot of her feet.

Episode 4: Cali

And then comes Cali, the first woman who is shaved. She smokes, she wears a ridiculous hooker's outfit of highway motel origin, and she is scary. That is, only if she looks straight in your (or Hairy Cameraman Demon(TM)'s) face. So long a face: disturbing. Yet from a profile, she is quite nice. Cali is one of those women who, at least as pictured here and elsewhere (we've seen her a few times), is one you wouldn't stand showing up with in public, but on the road, in said motel somewhere inmidst of Oklahoma, you'd trowh the towel in, and fuck her senseless. She has that sort of power over you and your brain. Nice legs, too. She keeps teasing us, and when she finally settles on the couch and reaches where she should, the video is abruptly cut off. Good job, boys! Can we have some more of this shite?

Episode 5: Lynn Ross

Lynn: a scary-looking grandmother. If it were not for the gymnastics scene, we would have reached for the skip button faster.

Episode 6: Tania

The best-looking girl, Tania, is floored. She is blue. She is lying in dirt. And she is constantly being grabbed by the Hairy Cameraman Demon(TM). He must have lusted after her, for he didn't leave her alone.

Episode 7: Fiero

This unattractive redhead from Chukotka (no?) was once featured in the crappiest volume of Lesbian Mature Women to date. Here, she has full four minutes to remove one piece of clothing. Skip button, half a kingdom for a skip button!

Episode 8: Delanea

Although very destroyed by time, this damsel is actually the nicest of them all, as far as the warmth glowing from the eyes is concerned. She is one of two ladies who actually masturbate on this video. Pity though that she had to do this in such a shabby location. She is, of course, green.

Episode 9: Kristina St. James

A nice lady otherwise, here she is, too, of green colour. The episode is so brief and ridiculous, that we had to watch it again, just to take a piss-poor screenshot of her legs.

In summary, this video is not just porn for the poor. It is bordering on false advertising. The picture is appalling, and all women but one look like aliens or zombies due to the picture "quality". We must be out of our mind, because we bought all four volumes in this series. It is not exactly the case that the market is flooded with releases featuring older damsels solo. Actually, volume 2 and 4 of this series are better, and may justify the purchase.

--- Em
MadameDVD Review, 21 May 2004