Shut Up and Fuck My A-Hole Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  9/8/2006

The Little Details

Running Time: 85 min. (cover states 92 min.)

Production Date: 12 / 1 - 2 / 2005

Director: Dale Jordan

Cast: Dana Vespoli, Kelly Wells, Mika Tan, Naudia Nyce, Sandra Romain, Buster Good, Cheyne Collins, Jay Ashley, John West, Lee Stone, and Talon

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Hustler's put out some very good movies, but Dale Jordan's never impressed me too much. There's a good cast here, but I just can't get too excited about this one.

Initial Reaction: It's quite possibly the worst Hustler movie I've seen so far, and I couldn't wait for it to be over.

Who Should Watch It : Extreme anal sex fans

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting camera work at least at an average level or who wants all anal and no vaginal sex

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects are okay. The audio is clear and well balanced, and I don't think I noticed a single background noise. The video is presented in the full frame format, and shows just a hint of grain. The lighting has a fair amount of flickering, and the camera always seems to be on the move.

Music: None

False Advertising: Although the cover lists a behind the scenes featurette, I couldn't find it anywhere on the DVD. I'm deducting a half point from the overall score because of this.

Menus: The main menu is okay, and works from a few nice clips of the movie into a below average still with some generic background animation. The chapter menu is nicely done and lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and the name of the lady in it. There's also a select a star option which also lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene and the name of the lady in it. Once you pick a scene, you're given a secondary menu which lets you choose where you want to go in the scene sexually.

The Feature

Shut Up and Fuck My A Hole keeps things simple. Each girl starts her scene out reciting the name of the movie, crawls around and plays with herself a bit, and then gets fucked with a fair amount of anal sex.

Scene 1 – Sandra Romain, Cheyne Collins, and John West

Sandra starts things out sitting on the edge of a bed wearing matched pink bra and panties before sliding off and crawling around to the top of the bed. She talks dirty to the camera and diddles both her holes before sucking her holes clean and being joined by both guys. Sandra eagerly starts sucking and stroking Cheyne and John, and lets both guys give her a good face fucking before Cheyne has her turn around so he can fuck her pussy doggie style. She moves to her back and has John fuck each of her holes before Cheyne takes a turn in her ass. She sucks John while Cheyne spears her ass doggie style before rolling to her back to take it from Cheyne a little more. She moves over to ride John cowgirl style with her pussy, and then lets each of the guys pile drive her ass. She gets in a little more missionary work as well before taking a pretty good double facial.

This is a disappointing scene. As usual, Sandra looks very good and gets into the anal action very nicely. She's vocal and energetic, and easily shows why she's considered one of the best anal queens out there. Unfortunately, the camera work makes you wonder if the cameraman drank an entire bottle of cough syrup before the scene and the editing flows just as poorly. My eyes actually started to hurt before the scene was half done here, and the poor flow is easily noticed while barely paying attention to the scene. I hope that part of Sandra Romain's compensation for doing this scene was being able to give Dale Jordan a good swift kick in the balls for making one of her scenes look this bad. Sadly, she shouldn't be alone in having that part of her compensation.

Scene 2 – Mika Tan and Lee Stone

Mika starts her scene out in a flowery black bra and panties with a garter belt and stockings, crawling around the bed and talking dirty to the camera as she diddles herself. She's quickly joined by Lee, and they strip down as Mika rolls around to suck his cock while continuing to rub her pussy. Lee plays with her pussy a little as well, and then lets her climb up to ride him cowgirl style. She sucks it clean and lets Lee spank her ass a bit as she goes back to riding him before turning around for the reverse cowgirl anal ride. Lee works back and forth between her holes and lets Mika have a good taste of her juices before fucking her holes missionary style. Finally, Lee pops on Mika's shoe and she tries to bend it around well enough to like it clean without any results.

After an extremely disappointing first scene, Mika wasn't able to move things up much. Yes, she looks great and turns out an energetic and vocal fuck with plenty of enthusiastic anal. Unfortunately the camera work is just as bad and has a bit too much focus on the gyno-cam shots. There's plenty of times when it tries backing off, but just doesn't make it because it stays so tight that if Mike bounces at all her head's chopped off. This scene had the potential to be a great scene, but once again the cameraman worked hard to kill the heat.

Scene 3 – Naudia Nyce and Jay Ashley

Naudia, looking trashy as ever in a red bra and panties, crawls around a bit and diddles herself before being joined by Jay “Quarantine List” Ashley. She goes right to sucking Jay's cock and letting him manhandle her a little before he flips her around for a standing sixty-nine. Naudia goes back to sucking him before loading her pussy up with her fingers and letting Jay fuck it doggie style. Jay also fucks her ass doggie style before letting Naudia have a good taste of her ass. He fucks it from behind a bit more before letting Naudia ride him reverse cowgirl style with her asshole and letting her lay back for some anal missionary as he sucks her toes. He works his way between her holes, and then lets go with a load in Naudia's mouth for her to swallow down.

This is another scene that didn't do much for me. Yes, much of it is that the camera work leaves everything to be desired and once again made my eyes hurt. The other part of it is that Naudia really came off as the poor man's Belladonna here right from the start. Although I could always understand the reference, she's never come off that way to me before now, but here I couldn't help but think it through the entire scene. Pairing her with a slug like Jay Ashley doesn't help anything, and left this scene as yet another misfire.

Scene 4 – Dana Vespoli and Buster Good

Dana starts out in a red bra and shoes with black panties looking plenty rough before crawling around the floor and talking dirty to the camera. After a bit she's joined by Buster, who lets her have a hard cock to stroke and suck. He helps Dana take it into her throat, and after giving her pits a good sniff has her bend over to eat her holes. They work her ass over with their fingers and give Dana a good taste before Buster fucks her doggie style. They move on with some reverse cowgirl anal and a little missionary work for each of her holes before Buster goes back to fucking Dana's holes doggie style. Finally, Buster pops in Dana's armpit

This is another below average scene. Dana looks like she just came in off the streets and Buster doesn't look a heck of a lot better. That said, they do have pretty good chemistry together and he delivers a solidly hard cock for her ass. Beyond that, I really can't say much because the scene was fairly boring and the camera work left plenty to be desired once again. I mean, the most unique thing about this scene was Buster's small pop to Dana's armpit, and that was more of a “What the fuck???!!!” thing than anything. This is yet another very disappointing scene.

Scene 5 – Kelly Wells and Talon

Bottle blonde Kelly starts out in what looks like a halfway prison-like setting crawling around ion some pink lingerie and playing with her asshole. When Talon comes in Kelly goes right to sucking his cock and letting him fuck her face before getting on all fours for him to fuck her missionary style. She lets him fuck her face before getting up for a reverse cowgirl anal ride, and makes sure to suck it clean again. They also get in some anal pile driving, spooning, and missionary work before Talon gives Kelly a good pop in her mouth to swallow down.

This is yet another disappointing scene. Kelly isn't somebody who really works for me, as she gives me the feeling that she'd light herself on fire if she thought it'd get her a bit more attention. The camera work didn't seem quite as bad here, but that's mostly because it didn't show Talon above the waist which didn't let me wonder too much of whether Talon was a bigger fan of Liberace and Rock Hudson in front of the camera or off camera. Basically, this was just another dud of a scene.

Beyond being a laughably bad porno title, Shut Up and Fuck My A Hole is a just plain bad porno. Dale Jordan has assembled a group of girls who are capable of putting out a great anal scene and a few good guys, but that's about where the skill ends here. The opening to each scene is generic and repetitive, and was old by the time it started the second scene. Although the girls are more than capable of turning out great anal scenes, the camera work here is quite possibly the worst I've ever seen from Hustler. It's even worse than what I've seen from the few Filmco and many bondage movies I've watched, which is really saying something. Every scene focused heavily on gyno-cam shots, had horrible motion, and was more often than not poorly framed. With a lack of talent like that behind the camera, it doesn't matter who you put in front of the camera because the viewer is wondering what they have nearby to throw up in due to their motion sickness rather than getting turned on by the action in front of them. Hustler has normally been a high quality label, and Shut Up and Fuck My A Hole shows that in addition to Dale Jordan not belonging there, unless this movie was the result of losing a bet whoever was desperate enough to hire him probably doesn't either.

The Extra Stuff

Trailers are included for Young Latin Ass 2, Stripper School Orgy, Britney Rears 2, Heat, Beaver Hunt 3, and Taboo 6. The photo gallery lasts five and a quarter minutes with about six seconds per very good looking snapshot or full screen photo. There's also plenty of commercials.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, tease, masturbation, anal, ass to mouth, group, interracial, foot worship, and swallowing

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Hustler’s DVDs can be found online for between about $16 and $25 with stores offering it everywhere in between. Don't even think about paying that much for this one. Although the cast has the ability to turn out great anal scenes, nobody behind it seems to have the ability to capture it. The action has a good audio balance and clear video, but there's horrible motion throughout the entire movie. There's also barely any effort put into the extras, right down to not delivering all the extras claimed on the boxcovers. This is a very poor release.

Note to Hustler: It's pretty bad when one of the highlights of your movies is that it doesn't deliver everything you advertise...

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight