Sgt. Swann's Private Files (All Worlds Video) Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  9/5/2005

In this re-release of a late 80’s pre-condom film, former Marine Sgt. Glenn Swann introduces the four segments that comprise the film.

The first is a fantasy sequence as Glenn imagines himself in the French Foreign Legion. His slave Scott O’Hara (known in his day as “the biggest dick in San Francisco”) is awaiting his master. Scott is wearing only a slave bracelet so his awesome whang is in full evidence. As is Scott’s easy autofellatio technique. (When you are hung like that it’s easy.) When Glenn arrives Scott begins to undress his master, removing boots and trousers and going down on his cock. Putting the boots back on, Scott tongues the glossy leather before removing them once again in order to lick his master’s feet. (At the risk of reveling my fetish once again, I must say that Glenn’s feet are incomparably beautiful.) Scott rims Glenn and mouths his testicles. At long last Scott finishes undressing his master, removing his tunic to reveal a statuesque body. Scott pays it due worship with his tongue. At the conclusion of this lingual lathering, Scott places a pillow on the floor for Glenn to recline upon. Scott then straddles Glenn’s head so that Glenn can lick his low-hanging balls. The biggest dick in San Francisco is now rampant and an imposing sight it is. He offers it to his master to suck. Glenn can only get the head of the mammoth organ in his mouth. He can, however, get the whole thing up his ass, which he proceeds to do by sitting on it. Having difficulty, he changes positions before impaling himself again. Scott maneuvers Glenn into the missionary position and plows his ass good. (Who’s master now?) When he has thoroughly expanded Glenn's anal aperture, Scott withdraws and inundates the recumbent Glenn with cum. Swann’s own sperm is added to the mix. How can anything that follows not be anti-climactic?

The second segment introduces us to Glenn’s sailor friend, Troy, with whom he works out. Troy is a muscle stud whose workouts have certainly paid off. What a hunk! When we see him, he is lifting barbells and wearing a cut-off t-shirt with the logo “Sailors get blown off shore.” I was hoping to see proof of this logo, but Glenn pulls a muscle in his arm. (How would that affect giving a blowjob?) Glenn departs and Troy is left to exercise his nether muscle alone. (No doubt straight, this magnificent animal only soloed in his films. A pity for all concerned.)

Nearly equaling Scott in the dick department was Rick Donovan who appears in scene three with Ed Jerome as a sailor. Ed had a nice body, but it was marred by terrible tattooing. Fortunately they are on his back so when Rick finishes fucking him doggy and turns him over for a missionary fuck they are hidden from our view.

In the finale Glenn goes from playing with his privates to playing with his Privates. Alone in his office at camp, Glenn removes his clothes letting us see that fine physique once more and is fondling himself when one of his Privates enters. The Private starts sucking on the stiff tool. He then leads the sergeant into the barracks for a five-man orgy. Scott O’Hara returns as one of the marines and once again sends reams Glenn with the biggest dick in San Francisco. But Glenn is a marine, and marines can take it. (Semper Fi!)

It’s nice that All Worlds has re-released this one, but I don’t think re-released films should go for the same—or nearly same—price as new films. Scott O’Hara has long been dead from A.I.D.S. and the others have either followed after or are otherwise out of the business. Still I suppose the good thing is that it keeps their memory alive. And that's worth something.