Sexaholic, The (VCA) Review

Reviewed by Cimmerian33  on  10/31/2009

Typcial 80s straight-to-video schlock. Poor quality, ridiculous excuse for a plot, and a fairly misleading cover since Shauna McCullough is touted as the main star, but only appears near the end of the film. If I were a filmmaker, and set out to make an erotic movie, I am not sure that I could make one with less plot, quality, hot sex, or just overall worth of a movie if I tried. It's story and presentation are almost so bad that they are funny, but only at the beginning and the end, and most viewers will not make it that far. Skip it.

The movie itself:
Let's set the scene: several "strangers" meet at a bar which is supposed to be some kind of Sexaholics Anonymous meeting. The makers of this "movie" give new meaning to the word "anonymous" because all of the actors are wearing masks. I am not sure what the intention was, but the only thing it succeeded in doing was making everyone look completely ridiculous. The people then take turns going around the bar and telling sexual stories, which are of course then shown on the screen. No background, no set up, just a person talking and then having sex. As we look around the bar, it is extremely obvious that they are all having sex with each other (sorry lady, the tiger you are covering your eyes with can't hide that foot-high flaming red 80s hair!) Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. Rinse. Repeat. At the end of the movie, everyone takes their mask off, and shouts "you!" at everyone else, as if they can't believe it's all the people they just told stories about. Not that porn plots are to be analyzed, but even if everyone never looked at anyone else to recognize them, don't you think they might recognize themselves in some of the stories? This moment actually provides the most humor in the movie, as most of the actors are trying not to laugh while shouting their line (maybe the only spoken line in the movie, but more on that in a minute). Then the movie ends, and everyone watching feels cheated out of part of their life that they can never get back! (ok, I exaggerate, but if you are going to watch porn, it might as well be decent.)

Audio/Video:
The movie is straight to vhs, so even the sex scenes have that special "ultra-low quality" look. Enough said? The audio is actually not something I would normally even care about, but it looks like the entire movie is dubbed! Wow. My theory is that is why everyone is wearing masks. I can picture a production meeting where a bunch of guys are trying to figure out how to make a porn in as short a time as possible. "Well, why not have everyone wear masks and not even have to learn crappy dialogue? We can just dub in some crappy dialogue later! Brilliant!" Ugh.

Do yourself a favor and skip this crapfest.