Secret Lives (VCA) Review

Reviewed by Tongue in Groove  on  10/29/2004

The “Secret Lives” DVD offers an interesting special feature: Wall-to-wall sex. Basically, it is all the sex within the movie without any or the plot or acting. I highly recommend you utilize this feature and skip the inane storyline.

The F.J. Lincoln flick revolves around blonde Brooke, who’s looking for her estranged father. It takes her six scenes and three fuckings, but she finally meets dear old Dad, who doesn’t look old enough to be her older brother, let alone her Pops. But, as I said, the plot is secondary to the action here.

Brooke takes on Mick Blue in the first scene. I’m sure Mick is a great person and is good to his mother, but he is also living proof that Charles Darwin was right. All that’s missing is the knuckles dragging, if you catch my drift. The sex is pretty standard stuff, ending in a tit popshot.

Cute blonde Alexis Malone is next, and she’s paired with Billy Glyde. In this very short scene with only one position (mish), Billy unloads his boy juice on Alexis’ torso.

Brooke is back, and it’s time for her to do a little lezzing out. She and very pretty blonde Tanya James employ a couple toys during their tryst, but there’s very little heat.

Brian Surewood, sporting his frazzled hair, moustache, and goatee, takes on bandana-wearing brunette Jynx in a chopper shop. Jynx takes it up the butt (the film’s only anal action) before Brian sprays her face with jizz.

Brooke is back, this time with Sergio in a coffeehouse or diner. This is another forgettable scene, with going-through-the-motions sex ending in another tit money shot.

The last sex is between Lilly Thai, an Asian brunette, and Trevor, the guy supposedly Brooke’s pappy, in a massage parlor. After a couple position changes, Lilly anals herself with a dildo as Trevor delivers his goods to her smiling mug.

With a convoluted plot and marginal sex, this flick belongs in the Bargain Basket at your local smut emporium. If you can pick it up as a free throw-in with some special deal, at least you can’t complain that you overpaid.

The DVD features include Bios, Photo Gallery, Other Titles, Internet, and Contact info. But none of those are as important as the afore-mentioned Wall-to-wall Sex feature. You’ll appreciate it after just two minutes of dialogue.