Search For The Ripe Peach Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  12/5/2003

The Little Details

Running Time: the cover claims approx. 90 min. Since there isn’t a time stamp and every chapter has it’s own running time on my DVD-ROM, I have no clue how long the feature actually takes

Production Date: 3 / 30 / 2003 thru 4 / 1 / 2003

Director: Shawn Ricks

Cast: Victoria Givens, Britney Foster, Avena Lee, Kylie Rochelle, Rebecca Love, Pat Myne, John West, Fabio Scorpion, and Tommy Gunn (listed here as Dr. Thomas Gunn, M.D.) in sexual roles and Wankus, Frank Bukkwyd, Frank Felone, Tony Montana, and Rod Lightning in non-sex roles

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Lord Perious hasn’t impressed me too much in the past, but with Victoria Givens I’m willing to give this one a try!

Initial Reaction: Hardware once said “That's the trouble with coming up with ideas when you're stoned. You may think they're funny but everybody else thinks you're an idiot.”. That said, I’m not sure if anybody involved with this wasn’t stoned throughout this entire process with the exception of the ladies.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody looking for an example of what not to do and extreme fans of the stars

Who Should Avoid It: Pretty much anybody who can

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects leave much to be desired. The audio is often muddy and hard to understand as well as having plenty of background noises. The video is extremely grainy, and looks about like a third generation VHS copy.

Music: The music is stereotypical porno music, and is thankfully balanced pretty well with the rest of the audio.

Disc Complaints: There isn’t a single time stamp anywhere on the entire DVD. This really ticks me off with features as I normally like to jump around a bit and even jump back to go directly to specific places in the feature. Without a full time stamp I can’t do this, and I understand it takes virtually no effort or cost. Because of this, every time I see a DVD without a time stamp my impression of the DVD drops a little.

Menus: The main menu has a little animation, but nothing that looks really great. The chapter menu is pretty standard and lets you choose a scene based on a small clip of each scene.

The Feature

Frank Bukkywd leads the search for the perfect peach for porn. It’s a contest with Filthy Frank Felone, Rod Lightning, and Tony Montana, who hasn’t really been seen in front of the camera after being diagnosed HIV positive, as judges who join Frank Bukkwyd. The ladies are brought up to be introduced right at the start, but instead the judges are introduced and you never learn who any of the girls are.

Contest #1 - The Dancing Contest

Things start out with a dancing contest. Each girl dances around on stage a bit, and some of them make good use of the pole. It’s a decent start to the feature and nicely sets up some of the attitude for the movie.

Contest #2 - The Blowjob Contest

After the dancing contest, Victoria Givens starts out the blowjob section, and gives Tommy Gunn some good knob gobbling as he stands above her. Rebecca Love blows John West next, followed by Kylie Rochelle and Fabio Scorpion. Avena Lee finishes things up with Tommy Gunn. None of the guys pop while getting sucked, which leaves this section a disappointment despite all of the girls sucking some nice cock.

Contest #3 - The Gum Chew

The Gum Chew is the third contest. In this section, the girls show that yes, they can walk and chew gum at the same time. The guys hoot and holler at them as they walk around on the stage chewing gum and patting their head and rubbing their stomach.

Contest #4 - Pussy Eating

Fourth up is pussy eating. Victoria Givens diddles herself on a lawnchair before Tommy comes up and lends a finger for her bald beaver. Rebecca is next, and has John eat her big fat titties, and he actually works his way down to eat her out. Amazingly, Kylie actually starts out with Fabio’s head between her thighs, and it stays there even when the camera wants to concentrate on the “janitor” coming by and then fucking a mannequin. Avena finishes this section out with Tommy’s head between her legs and her vocalizing her approval.

Contest #5 - Dirty Talking

Next up is dirty talking. Victoria’s southern accent really helps her out here, and she isn’t afraid to get a little nasty. Rebecca’s eyes say as much as her mouth does, but Kylie can barely even get that far. Avena doesn’t even show up for this.

Scene 1 - Britney Foster and Pat Myne

For some reason that I can only explain by “The Hibachi Effect”, things change to Pat Myne and Britney Foster fucking. It comes out more like a commercial for Astroglide than anything, as Pat fucks Britney from behind and missionary style with both of them doing plenty of trash talking. Britney takes a little time to give Pat a little oral attention before she rides him reverse cowgirl style and takes a facial to finish things up. This would have been a slightly above average scene if it wouldn’t have felt like it was supposed to be a commercial for Astroglide. As is, it’s annoying and convinced me that Astroglide should be the last lube that anybody should ever buy. Whatever debt Pat or Britney owed Lord Perious should be paid with interest after this scene!

Contest #6 - The Condom Test

Things return for the Condom Test. Victoria puts the rubber in her mouth with a smile, and then works it onto the top of a dildo that’s so big her hand can’t even fit around it. After getting it on pretty good, she bends back down to adjust it with her teeth. Rebecca and Kylie follow suit, both putting it on in great time before Frank heads to the bathroom to find Avena. Once again, Avena doesn’t compete.

Contest #7 - Test Acting

Test Acting is the seventh contest. The girls each put their own spin on the piece they read. Victoria is easily the most serious, while Rebecca looks to be the one that’ll do anything to get the role. Kylie shows some nice spirit and playfulness in her reading, and as usual, Avena doesn’t show up. This is a fun section, and Kylie nicely wins it in my opinion.

Contest #8 - Fucking!

Finally, there’s the fucking. Victoria takes her turn in reverse cowgirl before getting a dribbly pop across her tongue and licking and sucking out every drop she can. Rebecca gets her dick missionary style and gives John plenty of trash talking before sucking and stroking him to a facial. Kylie also does some missionary work before Fabio strokes himself to a nice pop on her tongue. Avena finishes things up with Tommy giving it to her doggie style and finishing her up with an impressive facial. These are actually okay scenes, but I don’t know that with one position that any of them make it up to average.

Search For the Ripe Peach is a decent idea and features some nice girls, but I wonder if everything beyond that was done by mongoloids. The judges showed so little class and intelligence that I’m not even sure if they’d qualify for to be in the audience of the Jerry Springer Show, let alone be allowed on stage. The editing and layout of the feature is just as poor. I can understand breaking things up with blowjobs, fucking, and other sex acts, but do them as full acts rather than feeling snipped apart or like it’s a waste of time. In theory I even like the chewing gum and test reading parts of the competition, but with the rest of the attitude of the feature they came off as insulting and lame. The camera work also didn’t help anything, and I couldn’t help but think that Ed “Ewwwwwww” Powers might be able to teach whoever was behind the camera a thing or two. The only good thing about the feature was the girls. Victoria Givens is cute and has a southern charm and shyness that I’ve always found attractive. Rebecca Love is downright hot and I think could have a nice future ahead of her if she’d get in a few features for a real porno company. Kylie Rochelle has the cute innocence of youth going for her, and looks like she can fuck pretty good. I’d like to say that Avena is impressive too, but she was in the feature so little that I just can’t say. Search For the Ripe Peach is an okay idea that bombs due to ineptitude, plain and simple.

The Extra Stuff

Weblinks and a photo gallery that lasts about three and a half minutes with about four seconds per nice looking snapshot or full screen photo.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, oral, masturbation, and tease

Raincoat Factor: Low

Condom Usage: Rebecca Love and John West only

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many Lord Perious DVDs can be found online for between about $4 and $25, with stores pretty much offering them at both ends. If you have to pick this one up, do so at the low end. The movie is sad and failed miserably for me. There’s no real extras and the technical aspects lacked badly.

Note to Lord Perious: I can’t help but wonder if you’re try to appeal to trailer parks or just can’t escape them.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight