Search for Adam & Eve, The Review

I'm not inclined to dwell too much on this title. It seemed like a good idea, and the boxcover (back) indicated uncut sexual scenes, which I apparently misread to mean that the DVD would contain things not shown in the cable run of this series. Not only are there no uncut scenes that I could divine, but what is shown is marred by blasted mosaics. Anybody who thinks that this is porn leads a very sheltered life.

Not that there aren't some warm moments, mostly courtesy of ringleader Carmen Luvana. I'm not into fake boobs, but I have to admit finding her enjoyment of those big balloons to be most arousing. She also infuses the proceedings with personality and attitude. Carmen looks like an angel, but she's still got a lot of street in her.

Once in Jamaica, the competitors are introduced to director Kelly Holland, who is there to lead them through some professional shooting situations. As she gives them the lay of the land, Kelly reinforces every bad porn convention I can think of, and has acronyms for them. She showed herself to be a very competent director, but her sensibilities would lead me to believe that I could never like anything she's helmed. For chrissakes, she has the guys making the cumface. She also tells them that they're performers and only have to project pleasure, not actually get any. We could get into an argument on the semantic difference between performing and acting, but I think it's pointless. At her disposal are two cameramen, and Kelly moves them around expertly. Too bad she doesn't let the performers have more fun and let the cameras find the action. It wouldn't really matter because you can't see anything anyway due to the mosaics. I only know what was going on by the jokes of the judges and comments from Kelly. Unfortunately, the one hint that the guys didn't take from her is when she flatly stated that 70% of the men in porn use Viagara or an equivalent. If this video is good for anything, it should serve to show all the armchair quarterbacks at home just how difficult it is to perform on a porn set. All of these guys had some kind of trouble or another. There was some drama behind the scenes with one of the contestants leaving the production. The producers didn't cover themselves with glory as they tried to coerce her to stay. Brittaney Star also seemed to ruffle everyone's feathers.

Spoiler alert: When my favorite for the prize, Brianna, opted to stay with her boyfriend rather than continue on without him, it pretty much left things to Baylee and Brittaney to slug it out for the prize. Not surprisingly, the petite and erotic Baylee copped the contract. Also not too surprisingly, the first thing she did with her cash was hang a couple of balloons on her chest. So much for the look that made her so appealing. The money would have been better spent on orthodonture.

In the end, I believe that Baylee only made a couple of videos en toto. Brittaney Star has done some work, and I know that Brianna was signing for Genesis with A&E's other contract girls, Carmen and Austyn Moore at NY's Erotic Expo in May of '05.

I know that this was made for Playboy TV, and that would explain why it wasn't as graphic as I would have liked, but when releasing a DVD, couldn't they have opened things up a little more and gotten rid of the annoying editing that cloaked the video in obscurity? As it is, I'm sure you could pick this up in the "Adult Section" (ha ha) of Blockbuster.