Sean Michaels Rocks That Ass 8: Cold Finger Review

Running Time: 123 min.

Production Date: 2 / 01 / 2000

Director: Sean Michaels

Cast: Keri Windsor, Lauren Montgomery, Regan Starr, Vanessa Blue, Zarah Lee, Brandon Iron, Valentino, L.T., Sean Michael, and Tiny and Biggy in non-sex roles

Initial Expectations: I haven’t been impressed with a lot of what I’ve seen from Sean Michaels’ direction, especially Ebony Erotica 2 which is one of the worst features I’ve seen. A fun premise and some of the cast, such as Keri Windsor, gives me some hope for this one.

Initial Reaction: It’s the best I’ve seen so far from Sean Michaels, but could have been a lot better with just a little more work.

Who Should Watch It : Fans of Sean Michaels, interracial sex, porn parodies

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who doesn’t like anal or interracial sex

Audio /Video Quality: This struck me as having kind of a soap opera quality. The audio and video are very good, but don’t have some of the refinements of the really high quality features. There’s a little dubbing to the audio as well as a few spots that are a little off balance. The video has a few seconds with some really bad pixelation. These are pretty minor complaints compared to the quality in some of Sean Michael’s other DVDs.

Music: The music is perfect for the James Bond feel of the movie and is balanced extremely well with the rest of the audio.

Menus: The menus are simple but do the job. The chapter menu is listed by numbers.

The Feature: In Cold Finger Sean Bond (Sean Michaels) is sent to track down Cold Finger, an evil woman who has lipstick that can make anybody lose their ability to make love. I’ll admit right away that this got my attention. It makes for a fun parody of the James Bond movies and fitting it very well into a porno. It’s obvious from the names of the characters alone that Sean Michaels had a lot of fun with this one and quite a bit of it comes through in the movie.

Sean Bond (Sean Michaels) takes some much needed down time and up time and down time and, well you get the idea, with Pussy Amore (Lauren Montgomery) in a hotel room with a bottle of bubbly and some fruit. Sean starts out licking her pussy tenderly and increasing in intensity. He even eats a slice of peach and works it around Lauren’s pussy before giving her a taste. He continues to eat her pussy and gives her asshole a little tongue attention as well. Lauren leads up to some oral action for Sean by seductively eating a piece of fruit, and then starts to work over Sean’s cock while keeping her eyes open and looking up at Sean for a good portion of the hummer. After a long hummer, with a bunch of spanking for the last half, Sean has Lauren ride him and then fucks her from behind so he can spank her ass some more. After working her pussy over, Sean switches to Lauren’s tight ass. This didn’t look to be an easy trick, which made me think there was a reason Lauren’s face wasn’t really shown during the anal sequence. Finally, Sean jerks himself off while Lauren licks his balls until her blasts his love load onto her nice tits. It’s a hot scene and a great one to start out the feature with.

Next, Honey Penny (Vanessa Blue) gets a visit from Agent 0025 (Valentino) after giving Sean his orders. They flirt a bit and then Valentino goes after her tits, pussy and asshole with his tongue, giving almost the same amount of time to both of her holes. Vanessa is just missing a neon sign and a couple piercings to fully become a human pawn shop. She not bad looking, but has her nose, hood, and tongue pierced. I’d almost be surprised if this check didn’t go to a couple nipple piercings. Despite her ability to set off airport metal detectors before she leaves her car, she gives a great blowjob that had me hoping that Sean also puts her in his We Go Deep series. Valentino gives her asshole a little more attention before fucking her on her desk, and in no surprise, taking care of both holes with his cock. They finish it up with an average pop on Vanessa’s tits, followed by a little tit-fucking for Valentino. It’s a very good scene with some decent chemistry, but I don’t really care for Valentino. He does an okay job, but always looks mean. He would have been perfect for playing one of the bad guys here, but instead makes this appearance.

Not wanting to blow their cover, Dr. Long Schwantz (Brandon Irons) and Agent 0069 (L.T.) get busy with Tina (Zarah Lee) since they think they’re being watched. This is the nastiest scene in the movie, and not just because it has Brandon Irons. Brandon, of course, is his usual annoying self, both verbally and physically, but he and Zarah play off each other very well. He plugs Zarah’s nose and forces her head down on his cock as she’s sucking it, which normally turns me off, but you can see that Zarah loves it which makes all the difference in the world. There’s also a lot of male rimming, which I know some people don’t like to see but I don’t mind. Zarah gives both Brandon and L.T. a good tongue reaming, even telling Brandon to come back so she can work his asshole over a little more. L.T. enjoys his rimjob so much that he pulls Zarah’s head back into his ass when she turns away to talk to Brandon. Both guys take care of Zarah’s holes as well, and each take their turn at her pussy and ass with Zarah taking an ass to mouth near the end. Finally, Brandon gives her an impressive facial, which she takes extremely well before patiently waiting for L.T. to pop. She finally goes over for him to “cum in her mouth before she swallows it all down”, which of course looks like a good way to hide L.T.’s ability to perform. It’s a nasty scene, but very good.

Kitty Licker (Keri Windsor) teams up with Lauren Montgomery for the best scene in the movie. There’s some fun joking around that keeps some of the scene light, but most of it is so hot that it might give some guys watching it blisters. Keri starts out on Lauren’s tits and then works her way down to her toes, giving a lot of great attention to Lauren’s feet, which I always love. She teases Lauren’s pussy, but Lauren isn’t willing to wait and pulls her head into her muff. This is one of the few scenes I can think of where I would have been happy with half a scene. Keri works Lauren over with such ferocity that I almost had my jaw in my lap. Keri’s normally an aggressive pussy licker, and this is right up there with some of her best. Getting to see Keri receive actually seemed like a bonus after how well she gave. Lauren starts out giving Keri’s ass a good rimming before giving her pussy some tongue action. They move onto a little toyplay next, starting out with a vibe to stretch out Lauren’s ass. In a “What the heck is with that?” move, Sean’s hand comes in during the scene when Lauren mentions she wish she had another hand and starts grabbing her ass. This ruined this part of the scene for me, but luckily they soon after move onto a double dildo, which made me forget all about the lameness of Sean giving a helping hand. This has to be the best scene I’ve seen with a double dildo so far. Rather than using one girl using an end like a handle to fuck the other, the girls show their familiarity with the toy by putting it through several positions with both of them at an end. The only time one end gets used as a handle is a few short seconds at the end of the scene. Once again, this is the best scene in the movie, even with Sean’s helping hand. The chemistry is great and the sex is both hot and fun. Keri Windsor is amazing here and comes off both wonderfully dominant and extremely sexy while looking like she’s having a great time. This scene alone is reason to rent Cold Finger .

Finally, Dr. Alotta Ass (Regan Starr) captures Sean. She’s ordered to do away with him, but instead wants to see if he lives up to his reputation. She thinks he needs to be punished, but doesn’t realize that Sean likes punishment. She starts out making him suck her tits and then undoes his handcuffs so he can work her over a little better. He continues to work on her orally, taking care of her tits, pussy, and of course ass, before fucking her pussy. Regan gives Sean a pretty good blowjob with great eyes in the middle of the fucking, and later has him stretch out her asshole after she gets it ready with her finger as he works over her pussy. There’s a couple of slow motion sequences here, such as the okay facial that bring the scene down a little, but not nearly as much as the editing of the scene does. Most of the scene is clipped together rather than showing the position changes. It ends up feeling like the scene was hacked together and isn’t helped by Regan’s overacting. It ends up a slightly below average scene and the worst scene in the feature.

Although Cold Finger surpasses everything else I’ve seen from Sean Michaels Productions, it still needs a little polish. To begin with, you never see Cold Finger. Yes, this maybe a throwback to the first appearance of SPECTRE in the Bond movies, but now the bag guy, or gal as the case may be is one of the crucial elements. Cold Finger the villain came off as cheesy rather than evil, or since this is a porno, sexy. Also, the ending, as well as the last scene, really brought the feature down for me. My main problem with the ending is that there isn’t one. Sean finishes banging one of Cold Finger’s henchwomen, and the movie ends without even hearing Cold Finger again or commenting about saving sex from the forces of evil. At least, I assume it ends because it says “The End???”. To me, this means there’s going to probably be a sequel, but this episode is done. If Cold Finger would have kept up with the sexual momentum it built up to Keri Windsor and Lauren Montgomery’s scene, I would have had a hard time giving the entire DVD under a 4. Instead, it bellyflops at the end, which is really painful when you’ve got a hard on.

Extras: The photo gallery includes about thirty two snapshots and full screen pictures. It’s a nice blend of pictures and does a great job of capturing a little from each scene. Pleasure’s standard selection of trailers are also included as well as internet information and phone sex.

Themes: Straight, inter-racial, spanking, rimming (male > female, female > male, and female > female), anal, tit-fuck, lesbian, group, ass to mouth, feet, toe-ing, and toys

Raincoat Factor: High

Overall: Currently, Cold Finger can be found online for between $15 and $22 with about half the stores offering it for under $20. The lower end is a very fair price for this DVD. With the exception of one scene, the sex is very good and the plot fun. The transfer is pretty good but the extras lack.

Note to Pleasure: A few more chapter breaks would be very nice. At the very least, please give one chapter to the plot sequences and another to the sex scenes. Also, a little better quality control would help out a lot. The technical aspects of the last scene brought down the entire DVD.

If you have any questions or comments, please e- mail me .