Saturday Night Beaver plus Tit-Fuck Frenzy Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  4/17/2003

Saturday Night Beaver

Running Time: 45 min.

Production Date: 7 / 28 / 2001

Director: Phil Barry

Cast: Cathy Barry, Lisa Cumings, Gary Long, Keith Burton, and Kelly Watts

Initial Expectations: For some reason, rather than sounding fun this one scares the heck out of me.

Initial Reaction: This beaver isn’t going to find much wood.

Who Should Watch It : People who lose bets

Who Should Avoid It: Everybody else

Audio /Video Quality: The audio leaves more than a bit to be desired. The first scene has a bit of background noise that makes it sounds as if it was done in a subway restroom. The balance is okay, but nothing too great. The video is also okay. There aren’t many technical problems, but the angles normally leave much to be desired.

Music: The music is very nicely balanced with the rest of the audio, and has a slightly techno feel to it.

Complaints: There’s no time stamp for the feature, which is extremely annoying. Luckily there’s three chapters, which means you can move around the feature a little. Sadly, if you stop it in the middle most DVD players will go back to the beginning of the scene when you start watching it again.

The Feature: Let’s see. The plot to this one is Cathy Barry and a friend go into a club bathroom and get laid. Amazingly, the story shows some of the most thought and preparation in the movie.

Cathy Barry starts things off in the bathroom with a blonde (who I think is Lisa Cumings). After some of the worst kissing I’ve seen in a porno, which really says something, they takes turns licking and playing with each other on the bathroom counter and sink. They’re discovered by a cute blonde (I think this is Kelly Watts) who was apparently waiting for somebody to start making out in the bathroom since she’s sitting on the toilet lid with her skirt hiked up. She lays back on the stool and diddles herself coming out for a closer look. Finally, Cathy and her friend break out a dildo, and not wanting to be left out, the cute one starts fucking herself with an empty bottles that was lying on the counter. Unfortunately, the porno scene timer apparently went off because the scene pretty much ends there. It’s a scene that reeks of wasted potential, and that potential is the blonde who watched. I don’t know, maybe Cathy and her friend were worth watching, but the camera work never gave me that feeling.

Gary Long and Keith Burton head into the bathroom for a little relief. One of the guys starts working on and then fucking Cathy’s girlfriend while the other guy gropes the other blonde and then gets his limp pindick sucked. Afterwards he starts eating her and that’s about the last you see of them. The other couple works through the usual routine before he pops on her face while Cathy watches it all. I could barely get into this scene, and the only thing that kept me going was the hope that the blonde that started out in the stall would get a bit more action. When her man couldn’t perform, this scene seemed like it should have gotten flushed.

Saturday Night Beaver is about as bad as it sounds. The sex is pretty uninspired with the exception of one girl who shall remain nameless because nobody at Union Jaxxx cared enough give anybody any way to put names to the performers. It’s also hurt by camera work which, although not as juvenile as what I’ve seen in other Union Jaxxx movies, still leaves a lot to be desired. It focuses a lot on close-ups here, and I don’t know if there was a full fifteen seconds in the movie with an angle that I was completely satisfied with. Saturday Night Beaver is a Saturday night that’s best left in a haze of heavy drinking.

Themes: Straight, lesbian, masturbation, voyeurism, toys, and group

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None

Overall - 1
Worth - 3
Women - 3
Men - 2
A / V - 2
Plot - n/a
Sex - 1

Tit-Fuck Frenzy

Running Time: 38 min.

Production Date: 11 / 25 / 2001

Director: Phil Barry

Cast: Cathy Barry and Geoff Pearce

Initial Expectations: For some reason, rather than sounding fun this one scares the heck out of me.

Initial Reaction: It’s not frenzied, doesn’t having much tit-fucking, and almost put me to sleep. Need I say more?

Who Should Watch It : Insomniacs

Who Should Avoid It: Porn fans, especially those who like tit-fucking

Audio /Video Quality: The audio is a bit below average. The balance isn’t the best, there’s background noises similar to wind noise even though the scene is shot inside, and the level seems to vary throughout the scene. The video has a similar quality. It has a slightly soft feel, which I don’t have a problem with, but there are frequent soft focus problems and sharp zooms that reminded me of watching home videos made by teenage relatives who were just learning to operate a video camera.

Music: The music is okay, and is nicely balanced with the rest of the audio.

Complaints: There’s no time stamp for the feature, which is extremely annoying despite the feature only having one scene. There’s also only one chapter, which means you don’t have any way to move around this feature if you watch it again, and if you stop it in the middle most DVD players will go back to the beginning of the scene when you start watching it again. With how broken up the action is in this scene, it should have had at least three chapters.

The Feature: Not surprisingly, this one gets right to the action without any kind of setup. Cathy Barry nicely welcomes you to her movie while laying back on the bed in a spiderweb design bodysuit before she’s joined by Geoff, who quickly works his way down to her clam. Cathy returns the favor, while Geoff plays with her a bit more, before she has him lay back so she can turn her full attention to him. She sucks and then tit-fucks him, and after a few minutes and a few positions of tit-fucking, they get on with the pussy and ass fucking. Cathy mixes things up a bit my sucking Geoff a little rather than seeing how fast she can work through the positions, but I think that was probably to slow things down and keep him from popping more often then not.

Sadly, the only thing that seemed frenzied during this feature was me rushing to the fridge for another beer. No, it wasn’t because I was having that great a time kicking back and watching this one, it was because I needed it that bad to keep watching it. I hate to say that, since something about Cathy makes me think she really does want to be a big porn star. I think maybe it’s that she seems like she’s trying to hard or is a bit nervous about it. She really looks to be prepared to be a porn star, since she has oversized implants, a few piercings, and a cleanly shaven clam, but her attitude doesn’t help her much. She often comes off as bored in the scene, and I guess I can’t blame her since Geoff Pearce didn’t seem like he really know what he was doing.

Then there’s the camera work and editing, which I think could have put me out quicker than listening to John Travolta and Tom Cruise discussing religion. It often seems to focus on places other than where I wanted to see, and almost always seemed to choose angles that didn’t show much. I don’t think I ever saw Cathy’s reaction to getting ass-fucked, and there were barely any shots that showed all fo Cathy and Geoff. Heck, it even got so close that you couldn’t see all of Cathy’s face when Geoff gave her the facial! In addition, there’s very frequent soft focus problems and zooms and pans so fast that I wondered if whoever was behind the camera had experience with it beyond charging the battery. In all seriousness, I’ve seen amateur porn with better camera work.

Tit-Fuck Frenzy is a flop. The scene is so long and drawn out that it’s boring and the camera work is extremely juvenile. Cathy Barry does an okay star, but unless she phoned in this performance, there can’t be much competition if she’s the UK’s number one porn star as the cover claims. Tit-Fuck Frenzy should only be rented by die hard fans, insomniacs, and masochists.

Themes: Straight, tit-fucking, and anal

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: None

Overall - .5
Worth - 1.25
Women - 2.5
Men - 2.5
A / V - 2
Plot - n/a
Sex - .5

The DVD As a Whole

Menus: The main menu has a small clip from the movies and allows you to choose between watching the two movies, a chapter menu for Saturday Night Beaver, and the extras. The chapter menu is very basic and lets you choose a scene based on a photo from each scene and a scene number.

Extras: Trailers for seven other Union Jaxxx DVDs.

Overall: Currently, the Saturday Night Beaver and Tit-Fuck Frenzy double feature can be found online for $20. If you pay that much for this one please check yourself into the nearest fully padded room.

Note to Union Jaxxx: Something remotely close to credits would be very nice. Other things that would improve your movies are a time stamp on the DVD, extras, and film school.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight