Russian Holiday (YMAC) Review

This oddity opens with a group of skinny naked Russian youths with small branches of leaves in the hair dancing around a smoldering campfire. Suddenly, another skinny young man and a skinny young girl appear as if by magic. One of the youths goes forward to suck the young twink’s dick; another goes forward to sniff the beaver and munch the carpet. I don’t know who these forest spirits are, but I’m calling the Oberon and Tit-ania. This evolves into a line of dick suckers. Then with a gesture from Oberon everyone gets in a semi-circle and with a Tarzan-like grunt he orders them to come one by one and suck on his cock as Tit-ania sits on the sucker’s back. After all have had a suck, he masturbates. Then the guys circle around him whooping like a pack of wild Indians. Oberon then orders them to stop. They pick up Ti-ania had hold her while she sucks Oberon’s dick. Then they turn her around so Oberon can leave it to beaver. He doesn’t cum. They then carry her to a sheet and wrap her up in it. Oberon performs a dance waving branches around the wrapped body. He’s no Nureyev, but his dick flops around nicely and he can come dance in my woods anytime he wants. (That’s an open invitation to everyone reading this, too.) He finally falls exhausted. When the sheet is unwrapped we find a cute young boy. Cut from a close-up of his uncut dick to him fucking someone. The camera finally pulls back to find him fucking a longhaired twink. After the fuck he goes back into the sheet. Oberon kisses him and licks his face, neck, chest, belly, and cock. The transformed youth begins to get a hardon. (I’m beginning to get my first one for this film, too.) But, damn, it switches to him fake-fucking Oberon. (Well, so much for the hardon I was beginning to get!) The pseudo-fucker pretends to shoot a load. He collapses on Oberon and everyone collapses on him. The camera pans to a fading fire. Then boom, our twinks are all clothed and sitting around the fire talking and smoking. After a few moments they exit though the woods. (Nearly 100 minutes the back of the DVD tells us—it was actually 85, but who gives a fuck about 15 minutes more in a silly film like this?)

This film might be OK in a gay bar where the patrons would occasionally glance up and say, “What the hell is this?” or for background at a party where the guests would occasionally glance at the screen and say, “What the hell is this?” But as a pud-pounder for the bedroom or a film to warm up your trick, forget it.

Triumvirate and Dolphin have shown us that there are some beauties in the former Soviet Union, but you won’t find them here. These are obviously undernourished young straights looking like something from Oxfam posters who needed the money to keep from starving to death. As such it is quite sad.

What further is disturbing about this (and indeed all YMAC releases confiscated from Man’s Best & other studios) is that YMAC has posted their logo in the dominant down-left corner of the screen where it remains constantly throughout the film. It is fucking distracting. I wrote them about this and they said that people were copying photos on their site and not giving them credit. Well in that case let them put their fucking logo on the pictures on the site and not screw up their films, or at the very least put it in a less dominant position on the screen. They also bitchingly added that if it bothered me just not to buy their films. If it bothers you, then email the bastards, if enough of us complain maybe they will stop this terrible policy. Personally, I would be ashamed to put my logo on this turkey.