Real Roadside Ho's Review

Reviewed by loverboy  on  6/1/2008

Title: Real Roadside Ho's
Studio: New Porn Order (NPO)
Director: Craig Valentine
Starring: Roxy, Paige, Alecia Avery, Meagan Jones, Sasha, Lexi, Zoe, Jack, Jason, Jordan

Hollywood, Florida is not Hollywood, California and definitely not Chatsworth yet, but Craig Valentine gives it his best shot. Unfortunately the video image is only on approx. 3/4 of the screen, making me wonder if he has the right kind of camera equipment for shooting professional porn. The video in this dvd was shot in '05 and wasn't released until '07. The basic premise is a guy drives around in a large van with a buddy and picks up a "roadside ho" which one the stud fucks in the back of the van while it is being driven around. The concept wears a bit thin as the plot never varies and the women are basically all just hanging around "looking for a job" when the guys pull up asking them to get in! The story was "written by Craig Valentine" so maybe a co-author is in order. Extras on the dvd cover never materialized on the actual disc either, so that is not cool.

Scene one: Black haired Meaghan Jones in her jeans shirt is invited into the guys' "Party Van" and asked if she ever considered working in a sex movie. She tells the guys they are crazy, but soon is showing off her pierced tits. The van is driven around as she gives head, then the stud gives it to her in doggie, cg, rcg and mish before cumming on her mouth.

Scene two: Lexi is a blonde with some red streaks in her hair. She has a chin piercing and plenty of tats including a very large naked angel on her entire back! Her belly button and pussy are pierced. She is invited into the van on the "office chair" which is a Liberator type wedge pillow. Jack does her as we see some traffic in the windows of the van. Bj, Dog, Cg, spoon and mish are featured.

Scene three: Paige is a MILF looking office worker who is taking a break outside her office when the guys pick her up. She also has large tats on her back and a navel piercing. She has freckled legs! Jack does her dog, cg, spoon, and mish before splooging her tongue.

Scene four: Blonde Sasha and long brown haired Zoe use the Liberator wedge type pillow as they use a strap on and play with each other as they show off their ASSets to the drivers as they whiz by.

Scene five: Jason picks up Roxy who needs some fast cash. She is looking for a casino which is supposedly in the area, but soon her slot machine or slit machine is being tongued. She has a clit piercing and tat above her ass and the prettiest pussy of the dvd. Bj, cg, dog, mish and rcg are featured.

Scene six: Jordan and Alicia team up for yet another back of the van fuck fest. Another tatted/pierced chick on a Liberator type wedge as the traffic goes by. Alicia was the most verbal, which was nice. I liked hearing her saying "bad boy" as she gets plowed. Mish and doggie were the position highlights here.

Extras include a gallery of about 30 stills (which are attributed to "still photographer Craig Valentine" in the credits). Craig needs a camera as they look like freeze frame shots from the video!
The dvd cover promises trailers which I didn't see anywhere as well as BTS footage which also was apparently missing from the dvd I saw. The chapter menus only skip from one scene to the next but not within the scene, which is annoying.

All in all an ok try, but there are a lot of improvements that could be made, first and foremost being a decent camera so we can get a full screen view. Maybe Mr. Valentine can visit Hollywood, CA for a few tips so we could really get Hollywood, FL on the map....