Real Housewives of South Beach XXX Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  2/8/2012

Running Time: 92 min.

Production Date: 9 / 26, 27 / 2011

Director: Dana Dane

Cast: Bebe Mendez, Emanuelle London, Alexia (aka Jewel Jensen), Joslyn James, Loni Evans, Valerie Fox, Jack Fantasy, and Levi Cash

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects are pretty good. The audio is clear and pretty well balanced. The video is presented in anamorphic widescreen and looks nice. There's good care towards the lighting, a clear picture, and a nice hand on the camera.

The Movie: By now most everybody's heard of Bravo's Real Housewives of... series about a bunch of supposed “real” housewives as the cameras follow them around through their “lives”. Every now and then the girls stop to chat with the camera and introduce what's happening. Here, Pleasure Dynasty parodies those series with Dana Dane behind the camera.

When Bebe notices how much of a bitch Joslyn's turning into, she arranges for a little stress relief with Jack the butler. They head to the bedroom and kiss passionately before Jack strips off his shirt and drops down to eat Joslyn's pussy. They trade places for Joslyn to suck his cock in return before she gets up to ride him cowgirl style. She lays back for Jack to give it to her missionary style and moves on to ride him reverse cowgirl style. They also get in a bit of doggie fucking before Jack pops on Joslyn's ass.

Personal trainer Valerie works Alexia over with her workout before letting her know she's reward her with a massage if she finishes it. Alexia strips down and hops up on the table for Valerie to work her over with her hands and plenty of soft kisses wearing only a black bra and panties. Valerie rolls Alexia over and lets her hands wander around her as they kiss before moving down to suck her tits. She gives Alexis a few more kisses before eating her pussy, grinding against her, and fingerbanging her as she lays back in her arms. They move to the floor so Alexia can eat and finger Valerie in return before letting Valerie finger and eat her a little more. They get in a little more grinding before closing things with a little kissing.

Levi takes cute brunette Emanuelle and shows her around the new yacht before they get busy in the bedroom. They kiss and start to strip down so he can lay Emanuelle back to eat and play with her pussy, and she eagerly sucks and strokes him in return as soon as she can get him on his back on the bed. Emanuelle rides him reverse cowgirl style and lets him spoon her before laying back to take it missionary style. Finally Levi pulls out to pop on Emanuelle's stomach.

Raven tressed lesbian lover Loni brings Bebe a present so they can experiment a little more, and they quickly decide to try out the new sex toy on each other. They kiss around the couch before Loni works Bebe's lingerie out of the way to suck her tits. Bebe sucks her tits in return before laying back for Loni to eat and finger her pussy. They work their way back and forth fingering and eating each other's pussy without ever breaking out the toy that the scene started around, as well as working in a bit of grinding. Finally they close things with a kiss.

Loni agrees to come over and play with Levi and Emanuelle to surprise Emanuelle for her birthday. He leads Emanuelle in blindfolded and makes her keep the blindfold on as Loni kisses her mouth and tits before removing the blindfold to let her see the surprise. Levi kicks back on the couch to watch as Emanuelle eats Loni before moving in to grope her tits. The girls strip him down as if to team up on him orally, but instead the scene cuts to him eating Loni as Emanuelle watches and diddles herself. The girls move on to team up on Levi orally before Emanuelle takes the first fuck reverse cowgirl style while Loni rides his face. Loni moves down to ride him cowgirl style as Emanuelle watches and diddles herself before he gives it to Emanuelle missionary style and then goes back to Loni for a little more doggie fucking. Loni finishes Levi off with him fucking her missionary style before he sprays his seed between the girls' tits.

The Real Housewives of South Beach XXX reminded me right from the start of watching a porno version of Bravo's Real Housewives series. Just like when I was subjected to watching a few moments of the original on TV, I couldn't really wait for it to be done. That isn't to say that it's horribly done, but there's definitely plenty of room for improvement here. What's done right is the style, which hearkens back to the original series very well in its style. What needed improvement was pretty much everything else. The best word I can think of to describe the cast is “skanky”, from the multitude of tattoos on Joslyn, Valerie, and Emanuelle to Alexia's splotchy skin and bruises. The sex never drew me in, and left me bored through most of the movie. There's a few good moments here and there, but when you have the opening of a sex scene revolving around a woman giving her lesbian lover a sex toy and then never use the toy in the scene, it doesn't seem like I'm the only one that doesn't care what's going on here. Although I can't say that The Real Housewives of South Beach XXX did anything for me, if you're a fan of reality TV and like your women on the skanky side it's probably well worth checking out.

The Extras: The photo gallery is nicely broken down by character. There's also a behind the scenes featurette.

The behind the scenes featurette lasts ten minutes and is presented in non-anamorphic widescreen. Loni and Bebe start things out posing for stills, shooting their scene, and sharing a few minor words with the camera. Joslyn and Jack are next, who have a few words with the camera here and there before moving on with Alexia and Valerie. Finally Bebe chats a little with the camera and shows off a bit. This is an okay behind the scenes featurette. It's definitely short and doesn't give much of a chance for the girls to chat with the camera. Instead there's plenty of the scenes being shot with a fairly shaky camera. This isn't a bad behind the scenes featurette, but it doesn't add a lot either.

Condom Usage: None

Final Thoughts: Skip it.

Note to Pleasure Dynasty: As somebody who really doesn't like reality TV I'm not sure I'm the best person to have watched this one, but I'm pretty sure that with an attractive cast it would have been much more enjoyable...

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight