Private Tropical 6: Tequila Bum Bum Review

Dir: Allesandro Del Mar.

Extras: The listed Extras on the cover are:
DVD bonus scene. Making of. Trailers. Girl's profiles. Girl's photobooks Production Notes. Unfortunately the edge of my copy of the disc seems to have been damaged in transit, and so the Extras menu just cycles back to the main menu on my copy. Because I can't access the girls' profiles, I can't ID the performers. Sorry! That's why I've given the extras no stars, cos I can't actually review them..

Language options: English, French, German, Spanish, Italian. Subtitle options: Dutch, Swedish, Danish, Portugese, Polish.

A quick note on scene ratings - unlike many reviewers of different things who tend to rate "average" as 7/10. I rate average as 5/10, this makes 7/10 from me quite a bit above average, so bear this in mind.

None of the scenes feature condoms. Anything else notable will be mentioned by scene.

This is the first of Alessandro's films I've watched, and considering that Private have given him the job of filming the same kind of Tropical-location porn that Woodman used to do for them, I'm expecting something good here..

Sandra Russo and her husband, MarriedGuy say goodbye, as MarriedGuy is on his way to the airport. He's on his way to Russia for work or something, and he encourages her to go on a holiday while he's gone instead of driving her to the airport. Anyway, he arrives in Polynesia with a buddy and they have a laugh with his other mate about his wife thinking he is in Kiev. They ask their mate who was already there where "Ron" is, and apparently he is fucking some blonde German girl on the beach who he met at the disco last night..

Scene 1:
Blonde Girl, some guy called "Ron".
Blonde Girl wears a pink top and a pink floral sari-dress as well as a pink do-rag on her head. She has big implanted breasts. She stands on some rocks at the edge of the water as the waves break behind them with the guy behind her groping her, until she pulls his dick out and briefly sucks him. The sound is badly-dubbed LOUD moaning with some atmospheric sounds and music. He pulls her skirt off and she rides him RC. Soon he fucks her from beins as she props herself on some rocks. He eats her pussy briefly, then fucks her while rubbing her clit, brief cowgirl, then she jerks him off over her lower stomach.

A beautiful outdoor setting, decently shot, attractive performers, but the scene was too brief, lacked heat and enough close-ups of the performers, and had a weak ending.
5/10

The guys hang out in a "disco" at night, and dance with some girls, who sit down with them,. Even without dialogue, the acting is horrible and only ets worse when they start talking. It's funny when Borat does it, but less so here. Eventually, 2 girls and 2 guys leave. We cut to Sandra Russo (I think) talking to another blonde girl in (I think) Czech as they share a drink. We cut to MarriedGuy and a friend being led out of a house by some girl and they sit down next to the fruity guy from the disco scene. Now the older guy from the disco scene shows up with the two blonde girls in tow. Both girls look very nice. The acting is SO bad it's just funny. Then the fruity and older guys leave the girls with our heroes, and the sex starts... kind of, as we see some long shots of the guys groping kissing and licking the girls, the fruity guy and the old guy go through our heroes' pants and steal their wallets and keys and stuff.

Scene 2:
"Cammie", her friend, "MarriedGuy", his friend.

One couple is screwing facing each other against the pool fence, while the other couple has the guy fucking the girl bent over against the fence. Cowgirl and RC as they lay on the grass, spooning, cunnilingus, fellatio..

Then in one of the worst acts against porn, we cut away to further the plot, as the two guys who stole the wallets and keys go to our heroes' hotel rooms and clean them out of cash and cameras and all the rest.

Cutting back, the prettier of the girls (who looks a bit Cameron Diaz-ish) is taking it up the butt in the spoon sposition while the other gets fucked vaginally. Cammie does RAC while her guy fingers her pussy as the other girl blows her guy. Cammie in anal cowgirl, the other girl in sideways missionary until her guy pulls out and comes over her pussy. The other guy lays on his back and jerks himself off onto Cammie's face, getting a good streak across her nose and face as well as his own stomach.

An okay scene, but it had potential to be much better given the talent that was present. Cutting away to non-sex during the scene is just unforgivable.
4.5/10

The dodgy blokes who stole our heroes' things sit in a chair with their girls at their feet, laughing maniacally about their success. Cut to the guys telling their friends that all of their stuff has been stolen. We see some cars screaming along a desert road. A guy and a girl get out of a ute on the deserted desert road, and start to kiss and undress one another..

Scene 3:
Brunette, Guy.
She has the typical Private girl body - thin, toned, natural breasts, pretyt face and a nice tan. The guy is one of the fgang who are "our heroes" but I don't know his name. He kisses her ass and licks her pussy as he strips her pants off, then she pulls his pants down and begins to suck his dick. He fucks her from behind against the tray of the ute, then she rides him RC, then RAC in the back of the ute. He fucks her some more as he stands on the ground ans she lays in the ute, first vag then anally until he pulls out of her ass and she jerks him off all over her buttcheeks and torso, even getting some on her cheek. She licks his dick a little.

Another decent scene with a cute girl. The enormous cumshot would have been much better if it had been concentrated on one part of her body, instead of all over it.
6/10

Sandra Russo and her Czech friend seem to have just arrived on the very same island where the boys are staying. What are the chances? They get a drink in the sun, Sandra goes inside momentarily, and our friend MarriedGuy bumps into the Czech Czich, and makes a date for tonight at the disco with her. As soon as he disappears of course, Sandra reappears, and she tells Sandra all about the guy she just met (well, I assume so, they're speaking Czech). Now our hero tells his friends about the gay guys who let them fuck their wives, and of course off our friends head to the house to fuck their "wives" and get fleeced. They make arrangements to have the friends "look after" their wives tomorrow while they're off in Madagascar for a week. The older-looking of the guys says he's tired of the game and wants to go back to a normal life, the fruity guy says that this will be the lats time, then they will all go back to Paris.

Cut to daytime, or morning as a couple of people take off in a motorised glider and we see it fly through the beautiful island scenery until it lands. Then we see it drive around the corner with one of our friends and one of the "wives" taking their helmets off. Meanwhile we see a helicopter fly overhead, and inside it are our other friend and the Cameron Diaz-girl...

Scene 4:
The two blonde wives, the two friends.

Cammie takes his dick out of his pants and jerks him as he kisses her, then starts to blow him. We see some POV footage of the chopper flying through a valley, though I have no reason to think that they're actually fucking while it's flying. Meanwhile the other two are kissing and looking at the montains. They find a spot not far from the glider and start to strip off. Cut back to the pair in the chopper and Cammy is now naked and gets eaten out, then the chopper lands. Basically the scene keeps cutting back and forth for a few minutes, but both girls give and recieve oral sex from the guys, Cammie gets some spoony P2A2P2A2P and doggy anal, then jerks her guy off in her face followed by a lot of post-cum licking and sucking. We cut back to the other two, and there's some RC, doggy anal (including the great line "yes yes fuck my ass"), RAC, missionary anal on the glider, then she jerks him off onto.. her hand(?!)..

Again we have a pair of hot girls and decent looking guys, and again the scene seems way too short. It would have been much better served if we saw both scenes in full back to back instead of having them truncated and cut together. Apparently Allesandro must have something against the humble facial.
5/10

We see Marriedguy on his date with Czech Czich. They go to the Zoo, the beach and wander around like a lovely young couple. Then we see them reclining on a bed, with her stripped down to her bra and jeans. She looks pretty damned good here, actually...

Scene 5:
Czech Czich, MarriedGuy.

They kiss and fondle, she takes his dick out of his pants and sucks him as her own pants fall off. He moves behind her and fucks her doggystyle. RC, then RAC, then anal cowgirl, then he jerks off a nice load onto her mouth with some nice post-cum head. This looked good but it only went for 6 (!) minutes. WTF? For shame.
4/10

The guys sit around a pool, discussing how the second pair of friends also got robbed. The three of them who are there make an arrangement to get together for dinner next week and get to know each other's wives. Cut to the beach and Sandra and Czech Czich talk in Czech, and we flashback to (I think) Sandra about to be fucked on the back of a boat.

Scene 6:
Sandra Russo, MarriedGuy's friends.

She's another attractive blonde, he's not an ugly guy, they kiss, she blows him, another guy turns up and she blows the new guy briefly while the first guy fucks her missionary, then RC. I think these two guys are actually MarriedGuy's friends who he's here with. Since the girls' conversation was in Czech I have no idea if this flashback is to "yesterday" or to "five years ago". I guess the plot doesn't matter at all if the director can't even explain it to us. Anyway, Sandra gets fucked in missionary anal, RAC, then the guy lays on his back and jerks off, and some goes near Sandra's face. Where the other guy went, no one knows..

Attractive people, well shot sex, super short scene, poor finish.
4/10

Cut back to the girls blabbing away again in Czech, then we cut to the dinner party where we see the humorous (!) finish that pretty much everyone there has fucked each other's wives or husbands. And we fade to black without either any resolution or the orgy scene that usually fits in this porn situation..

This was the first Private feature of Alessandro Del Mar I've seen, and I have to say I'm pretty disappointed. I like seeing well-shot outdoor sex, attractive people both male and female fucking in nice locations without any choking or slapping or so forth. It does seem however that Alessandro has spent most of the budget on renting helicopters and gliders and boats and people to drive them, and so seeing the footage of these craft moving through the beautiful islands has taken running-time priority over seeing his attractive cast fuck one another. The plot is wafer-thin at best, and I think I'll just ignore attempting to transcribve it in any future films of Alessandro's I review, since he doesn't seem to give a hoot about it either. Lots of potential, but a big disappointment considering what Alessandro had to work with.

You're better off with any one of the many Private Gold films that Pierre Woodman shot in similar beautiful locations, where the women and locations are just as beautiful, the men are probably the same guys anyway, and the sex is miles better.
5/10