Private Sports 5: Surf Fuckers Review

Reviewed by cv  on  7/26/2004

This is my first Private movie in a while, and my first Private Sports episode. As I understand, each Private Sports is a self-contained feature revolving around a particular sport -- in this fifth episode, director Gazzman brings us the high-adrenaline world of kite surfing.

Common elements in Private features: hot, natural-looking Eurobabes, well-endowed Eurostuds, some sort of storyline, appropriate (and occasionally exotic) locations, high production values, and hot sex (especially anal). Because of Private's proven excellence in beach sex filming and the guarantee of having hot babes in bikinis, I decided to pick up this film. Oh, and the fact that Monica Sweetheart was part of the cast didn't hurt. Heh heh.

Prologue

Gentlemen's club owner Katja Cruz (Eileen Daly) is scheming with Tony (Tony De Sergio) to keep her best girl, Maria in her stable. It turns out that Maria has fallen in love with a kite surfer and this is impacting her professional obligations. Katja calls up Maria on her cell phone, telling her that she's been casted in a "tastefully erotic" film that Tony is directing.

Scene 1: Angel Long, Jenny Loveitt, Dan Stallion, Tony De Sergio & guy

Maria (Angel Long) is apprehensive about the "tastefully erotic" film she's about to make. She protests as she gets man-handled while the makeup artist (Jenny Loveitt) is getting aroused. For someone so squeamish, she sure talks dirty and has no problems with fingers up her butthole. I'm not keen on Jenny's looks and the less I see her the better. After getting poked in the pussy, Maria (Angel) finds herself in a reverse anal cowgirl. To avoid looking at Jenny too often, I try the angle change button and find that this is really alternate footage that is not in sync with the audio track with is matched with Angle 1. Maria/Angel is gung-ho about the DP as she gets plugged. One guy pulls out of Angel's pussy and launches several long-distance of cum across her chest. The two other guys blow their loads on Angel and Jenny.

With the incriminating evidence in hand, Katja sends her two minions to the Dominican Republic where Maria's boyfriend is competing. Katja figures that if the tape is shown to him before the competition, he will fail so miserably that everything will spiral out of control and he will dump Katja (or vice versa).

Scene 2: Sandy Style, Sue Diamont, Dan Stallion, Tony De Sergio

At the Rio San Juan beachhouse in the Dominican Republic, Tony gets Monica (Sue Diamont) while his buddy gets Victoria (boxcover girl Sandy Style); they fuck in a bunch of positions out by the pool at sunset. This is classic Private porn: hot blonde babes from Eastern Europe getting plugged by Eurostuds. The soundtrack is there, but not too obtrusive, with minor amounts of slow-motion sex thrown in for that arty look. It's nighttime by the pool when they move onto anal (gee, they've been fucking for hours!). They look like Czech supermodels, but they're nasty enough to accept ass-to-mouth; there's also a refreshing dearth of tattoos, piercings and ridiculously large boob-jobs. I don't know how fluent they are with English, but their accented "fuck my ass" comments sound charming nonetheless. Victoria (Sandy Style) gets DP-ed before each chick is treated to a messy facial.

Scene 3: Jessica Fiorentino, Steve Hooper

The pressure's on Steve's team to focus on the kite surfing competition, but he's more interested in getting some pussy. Annika (Jessica Fiorentino) has lost her bracelet; Steve finds it and is treated to a blowjob by the gorgeous brunette. Damn, I need to find more lost jewelry. With the harsh sunlight and glare from the sand and water, film sex scenes on the beach is not easy; Private's camera crews over the years have consistently shown that they understand the craft of filmography/videography and this scene is no exception. The hazards of sunburn, sand in sensitive areas, insects, and of course, the curious spectator are other issues. No problem here in Steve's porking of lovely brunette Annika/Jessica. She takes his cock up her ass doggy style after having taken it in the pussy. She lies belly down on a horizontal palm tree trunk as he pounds away at her ass; she rolls over before taking the cumshot all over her pretty face.

Scene 4: Jessica Fiorentino, Monica Sweetheart

Katja busts Steve; his tryst with Annika has not gone unnoticed. The evil club owner has booked Annika on the next flight out and to addle Steve, she has arranged for a nice veggie session between Annika/Jessica and lovely blonde Monica Sweetheart within viewing distance of Steve. The two babes finger and lick each other until the brunette straps on a blue dildo and pumps it into the blonde's shaved pussy. Annika/Jessica apparently fingers herself to climax as a goodbye salute.

Scene 5: Elaine, Steve Hooper

The infamous videotape makes an appearance, but nobody watches anything before the competition. Steve's man takes a fall and like that, the competition is over. Things brighten up as Elaine, a women kite-surfer takes a liking to Steve. Can a bro get bored boning betties on the beach? Not me. Nor Steve apparently. Elaine sucks his thick uncut cock to full mast. The kite/parasail makes for a convenient beach blanket as he gives her a serious tongue-lashing just the way she likes it. Her fine, all-natural body looks even better once he gets his cock into her pussy in a sideways spoon. He pounds away in a lengthy missionary session before a short reverse anal cowgirl interlude. In the dying sunlight, he launches one massive stream of cum across her torso, followed by a couple of drops. She licks up as we watch the sun set in the distance.

Scene 6: Elaine, Monica Sweetheart, Steve Hooper, Tony De Sergio

Dan and Tony crash a party, but Steve and Tony are the ones who get lucky and hook up with some fine females. Much as I like Elaine, Monica Sweetheart is the star here. No matter, the girls look great, especially in reverse anal cowgirl. Monica eventually gets DP-ed as Elaine shows off another hidden talent: testicular massage. Each starlet takes a generous blast of cum across the chest and face.

Epilogue (non-sex)

There's really not much of a spoiler here, but I have to leave something secret in a feature film like this.

Production Values

It is very difficult to fault Private's technical prowess. I picked up Surf Fuckers because of their proven excellence in filming scorching beach sex scenes. One might complain on their artistic decisions: how much closeup sex they feature, whether or not the music is too loud, the amount of slow-motion sex. No matter what, when they do it, Private generally does it right.

This movie is presented in 16:9 anamorphic widescreen format. That means if you have a fancy widescreen TV, you're going to see what the director wanted you to see. On my plain Jane NTSC television, I get the movie letterboxed.

DVD Extras

Alternative Edit Scene (15 min.) - The first scene in the movie feature multiple angles, a DVD feature I haven't seen used since some early Vivid movies (circa 1997). The alternate angle is really alternate footage not in sync with the primary angle's audio. This DVD extra is really a compilation of all those alternative scenes spliced together with some blues guitar.

Funnies (2 min.) - this is a blooper reel, short but nonetheless entertaining. I wish more movies included this sort of footage.

Making Of (16 min.) - The first two of minutes is an old guy raving about how great this shoot is (location, girls, budget) -- I assume/hope it's Gazzman. Finally, we get to some behind the scenes interviews with the girls which is what I've been looking for, stuff like when Monica Sweetheart says that she loves DPs. Admittedly this group of female talent, just due to language issues, might not be the best interview on the planet, but it's still fun to see them in a more informal conversational environment. A lot of the behind the scenes footage is interspersed with short clips from the movies. Part of the footage includes four girls sunbathing on the bow of a boat; props to the captain who doesn't capsize the boat (something that I certainly would have done looking at all those delicious tits). The sandcastle crotch is funny; no explanation here.

There are two photo galleries, the Backstage Photobook which isn't very interesting since they're still shots of some of the "Making Of" footage and don't feature the girls; the other is the Movie Photobook which are stills of the girls in action.

The movie's Trailer, Cast list (standard text bio with filmography for the starlets), Production Notes (just a text description) and Other Titles (trailers) round out the goodies on this disc.

---

Summary

Private pretty much delivers on everything a porno should do. Weaknesses? Well, maybe that there's just not enough of it. The feature is around ninety minutes -- it could be longer. That said, 90 min. of quality sure beats 2+ hrs. of mediocrity.

---

Comments? Feel free to send me e-mail.