Prisoner of Sex, The Review

Running Time: 83 min.

Production Date: May 31, 1999 (Cover states May 20 & 21 and June 3 1999)

Director: Cash Markman

Cast: Mike Horner, Danielle Rodgers, T. J. Heart, Kasorn Swan, Peach, Envy, Randy Spears, Steve Austin, Tori Wells, Sharon Mitchell, Mark Wallice, and Frank Bukkwyd

Initial Expectations: The idea of an adult version of ‘The Prisoner’ sounds like it could be really great if done right. As high as I want me hopes to be, I’m a little scared after looking at the cast list on the cover and finding one listing as .

Initial Reaction: It’s better than what I thought it would be. As a Prisoner rip - off, it’s excellent. As a porno, it’s average.

Audio /Video Quality: The only thing that really stood out for the audio and video were the background noises in the audio. It sounded like the wind noises that bad outdoor scenes have. Surprisingly, this happened mostly in indoor scenes. The video was average at best. There were several spots where the scenes were a little short on light, but nothing that would really stand out to the average porn viewer.

Music: The music wasn’t at all noticeable in The Prisoner of Sex. Most of the reason for this is that there wasn’t any for much of the movie. When there was music, it was quietly in the background and the only reason you noticed it was because it wasn’t there before.

Review: The Prisoner is one of those old TV shows that I’ve never really paid a lot of attention to, but whenever I watched it I really liked it. For those of you unfamiliar with the show, here’s what I remember. A British spy played by Patrick McGoohan, (yes, you’re allowed to think James Bond here) who decides it’s time to get out of the business. The government decides that he knows way too much to be allowed to walk free, so they kidnap him and send him away to the Village, which is kind of a retirement home for spies. Everybody is given a number at the Village and their will is all broken. Renamed as #6, he refuses to give up his identity and spends his time trying to figure out who’s behind the Village and escape. Whenever he gets beyond the boundaries of the Village, he’s chased down by a huge white ball which bounces after him, swallows him up, and takes him back. Using this idea with Mike Horner deciding that it’s time for him to get out of the porn business seemed like a great idea. It seemed like an even better idea when people such as Tori Wells, Sharon Mitchell, and Randy Spears are used. I have to admit that Randy Spears was one of the reasons that I had to buy this DVD. After Double Feature! , I’m actually paying attention to a guy in porn!

The Prisoner of Sex starts off following the spy premise very well. Mike Horner plays Drake, a spy who is meeting T. J. Heart, a spy for an opposing government, for a drink. In this case it’s a glass of wine, which adds a nice sort of Avengers spy feel. The good kind of Avengers feel rather than the updated kind with the miscasting of Uma Thurman and people running around dressed as teddy bears. Apparently, the spy union has decreed that spies get breaks just like everybody else. There isn’t any kind of whistle to signal the start of break time, but T. J. starts blowing all the same. T. J. has always reminded me of Kylie Ireland. She could almost pass as Kylie’s sister. Thankfully, they’re both good actresses. Adding to the enjoyment of the scene is Mike Horner, master of facials. Facial expressions, that is. Nobody can make faces while getting some like Mike does. T. J. doesn’t suck for too long before breaking out a condom. Mike points out that spies must always be prepared, while T. J. comments on how much spies get around. The slight humor in the dialogue of the scene really raised it up a notch. It doesn’t continue throughout the entire scene, but I think it would have really interfered with the scene if it had. T. J. dresses Mike for duty and then continues to give him a safe blowjob. Perhaps the sweet nothings he was whispering to her were actually warnings about how one of his previous missions was at Chernobyl. The scene pretty good, as Mike works T. J. on both the bar stool and the bar itself before decorating T. J.’s lovely ass.

As soon as Mike’s pipes have been cleared, the director calls cut and throws towels to Mike and T. J.. T. J. leaves and the director (Steve Austin) starts hassling Mike about another scene when he was told that this would be his last. Steve also starts throwing a lot of paperwork at Mike that he now has to fill out in order to get paid in two weeks rather than at the end of the shoot as has been standard practice. Mike even has to turn in prints (thumb, toe, dick, and ass) in order to get paid. Apparently it’s a lot tougher for male porn stars because, unlike their female counterparts, most of them don’t have several toys made up to exact specifications. Mike leaves to go home and the Steve follows him home and gasses him through the key hole. The entire going home and getting gassed scene is very well done and is an excellent rip - off from The Prisoner .

When Mike wakes up he’s in a new room, dressed in black and khakis, and has a sticker with #69 on his chest. He turns on the TV to try to find out where he is, but the only thing that it will show is Night of the Living Bed starring Mike and Ron Jeremy. He tries the phone, but it’s connected directly to a phone sex service. Except for having to watch Ron Jeremy, I’m not so sure that this is such a bad place. Of course, there haven’t been any women yet either. So Mike goes off in search of something to find out where he is. He finds a public telephone, but it doesn’t work. Luckily he also finds a store where he attempts to buy a map. The store is mostly a video store with, you guessed it, porno. Sp far, I’m still not seeing the downside, especially when the store is manned by Tori Wells. She recommends one of Mike’s past movies, Sex Trek: The Final Orgasm . She also has plenty of other suggestions, but sadly tells Mike that there’s no way out for him. He finally recognizes Tori, but she refuses to go by her porn name. She is now #91. Outside the store, Mike recognizes Mark Wallice who doesn’t see the problem in just using a number as they never used their real names in porn anyway.

Mike also sees Randy Spears with Tori Wells and another girl. I’m not exactly sure who the girl is, but for some unknown reason, Tori is replaced by another girl. Thanks to real credits at the end of the movie, the girls can be identified as Peach and Kasorn Swan, although I don’t know which is which. One is a kind of cute blonde (who would have been a lot cuter if she hadn’t had a huge scab on one knee) and the other is Asian. Tori has always had a nice tan, but to replace her with an Asian girl when it’s that noticeable seems really asinine. It just doesn’t make sense to me. Especially when you have the new girl wearing the button with Tori’s number on it. The blonde really gets into this scene and doesn’t hold much back. The Asian girl, however, didn’t impress me much. Watching her I was reminded about comments about Tera Patrick in Sex Island about being a greedy lesbian (receiving but not giving). As usual, Randy does a pretty good job and between Randy and the blonde girl, they makes the scene work. Some of the camera work seemed to lack a bit, but the scene is still pretty close to average quality. At the end, Randy talks to Mike and tells him that being a number isn’t so bad. Especially, I assume if you get the much revered #69, as Mike did.

Mike next sees Sharon Mitchell, who he learns works there dispensing condoms, lube, and towels. She warns him about leaving, but Mike decides to try anyway. Mike discovers an old outhouse on the edge of the compound and decides to answer one of nature’s calls. Inside the outhouse he finds himself taken to the headquarters where he meets #3 sitting in a chair stroking what looks like a cross between a wiener dog and a poodle (the body looked like a wiener dog but he had white curly hair). It gave #3 a nice Blofeld effect, but being a fan of the James Bond movies, it really had me looking twice at the dog. Mike starts questioning #3 about who #1 and #2 are. He’s told that some think #1 is VCA and others think #1 is Vivid, but it’s constantly changing and nobody really knows for sure. #3 really wants to know why Mike wants to quit since he should be happy to be paid to have sex with beautiful women. Heck, most of us would probably do it for free, and some even pay for a few drinks to accomplish the same thing.

In order to entice Mike into telling him why he quit, he shows him Envy (#85) and Danielle (#32) back in his cottage. Danielle was one of the only women that Mike didn’t get to work with, and in fact had ran out on a scene that they were supposed to do long ago. Steve, the director from Mike’s last movie, shows up at the cottage and starts telling the girls what to do. On seeing Steve, Mike rushes out to get back to his cottage. Steve helps the girls out for the first half of the scene, and then joins in later. He finishes off the scene by blowing his load on Envy’s stomach. This was probably the worst scene in the movie. Danielle looked bored through most of the scene. I think she wished that she was somewhere else. I was kind of wishing I was somewhere else for a bunch of this scene also. Envy did a pretty average job in this scene. She’s a pretty average looking European brunette. I could have done without Steve, as his giving directions in the first half of the scene really annoyed me.

Mike bursts into the cottage shortly after Steve’s decorating and learns that Steve left shortly after Mike did. He sure seems to fit in well after only being there a short period of time. He tells Mike that once you’re in the porn business, you can’t get out. That it’s one big family. Mike doesn’t think so and leaves. Danielle chases after him and tells Mike that she wanted to do the scene with him but she was kidnaped and taken to the Colony. She has a plan to get out, and they both try to make a break for it. Of course they get chased. In this Colony, they are chased by green play balls that break out of a lava lamp. They come up through a pool and chase them in a much more low - tech way than in the original series. I was laughing my butt off here, but I don’t think it was intended to be as funny as it is. Danielle tells Mike to keep going and stays to distract the ball so Mike can escape. Much of this scene was done through a green tint to show the balls views. Thankfully this is the only scene where we get to see what the balls see. I’d hate to see this view in an actual sex scene. Holy extreme close - up, Batman! Mike escapes under the fence only to find himself back in headquarters with #3. #3 questions Mike’s reality and shows him strapped in a chair with his eyes taped open watching what they’re doing on a TV as well as clips of himself in past scenes.

Mike has nowhere to escape to but into his dreams, as #3 explains to Danielle, who joins #3 in watching Mike strapped in the chair. Mike dreams of finally being with Danielle. They’re on a kind of mattress on a floor of what appears to be down. I guess it’s supposed to be like heaven. After watching Danielle in past movies such as Electric Sex, I can think of a lot worse ideas for heaven. Of course, in my heaven with Danielle Rodgers, the feathers aren’t always getting in the way and there aren’t any condoms. I know that the condom is for safety in porn, but it really ticks me off to see it in a dream sequence. It really ruins the fantasy of the scene. Of course, I’m not the human pin- cushion, so it’s not really up to me. Although I can’t say that I like seeing condoms in porn, I have no problem if a star wants to protect themselves a little more. This was another average at best scene. Mike does his normal good job, and Danielle looks like she doesn’t mind being in this scene. The lighting, however, was lacking as was the chemistry between Mike and Danielle.

After Mike finishes his dream scene (pun intended), he and Danielle cuddle a little. Wait a minute, guys cuddling? I’m starting to re- think this heaven stuff. This might be the Microsoft demo version of Hell! Danielle asks Mike to whisper why he left into her ear and.... I can’t really give away the ending out of respect for others who like the original series.

The Prisoner of Sex is a pretty good adult version of The Prisoner . The production values are fairly low, but they were in the original series also. I was hoping for a little more humor, more of a farce than a rip - off, but as a rip - off it captures quite a bit of the feel of the original series, and does it a lot better than what I expected or even would have expected in a rip - off. Fans of the original Prisoner will also really enjoy the ending. I would have enjoyed more extras, but for the $15 I paid for it I’m happy.

Extras: Photo gallery containing 26 pictures. They range from fair to average and consist of both snapshots and full screen pictures.

Themes: Straight, lesbian, group, and anal

Raincoat Factor: The plot is easily skipped, but is often joined with the sex. It’s not the best for raincoaters.

Overall: Currently, Prisoner of Sex can be found online for between $14 and $25 with most stores having it for over $20. If you’re a fan of The Prisoner and have watched porn for quite a while, it’s worth $20. If you’re a fan of The Prisoner, you can also probably add another full point onto the overall rating. If you’re not into The Prisoner, I wouldn’t recommend paying over $12 for it. There aren’t really any extras and the transfer is okay, so if you’re thinking of picking up Prisoner of Sex , you’re doing it for the movie alone.

Note to Jet: This seems to be a pretty good start to break into DVDs. There’s some areas that could use work, but if you can keep your releases priced so that retailers can sell them in the $15 range, I think that you’ll make some progress. You have many titles out with some very good talent, but the extras on your DVDs don’t warrant the higher prices. All in all, this is a lot better release than I’ve seen from other studios when they first start releasing DVDs.

If you have any questions or comments, please e- mail me .