Porkin the Piper Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  8/25/2002

I have great hopes for this film. I hope it is the worst gay porn ever made. I hope this because the thought of seeing anything worse goes beyond my power to imagine it, and if anything worse does exist then it’s just too disheartening.

It is crude in the extreme. The color is washed out, the lighting is virtually non-existent, and to call the camerawork amateurish is to compliment it. There is an obnoxious piece of music that repeats ad nausea in this otherwise silent film. And, to make matters worse, there is not an attractive guy in the cast.

The film opens with a close up of the crotch of a pair of trousers. The pants are unzipped and an uncut cock is taken out. A naked man sitting on the ground sucks the cock, which does not get hard. Some eternal moments later, we see a tattooed naked man totally shaved holding a recorder. This is the piper. A skuzzy blond is stalking him. We cut back and forth between these two scenes. This is a technique that usually annoys me, because as soon as I get involved in one scene it cuts to the other. But in this case as I’m not involved in either scene, I don’t give a damn.

Well, the blond eventually porks the piper and they wander over to the other couple. Someone jerks off on the top of the sucker’s head, and that’s it.

Oh, to pad this 30-minute piece of crap, they have grafted the final scene from Brazil Nuts 7 onto it.

Here is a film that holds gay viewers in utter contempt. Porkin' the Purchaser would have been a better title.