Pirate Fetish Machine 14: Theatre of Lust Review

Director: Susi Medusa Gottardi.

Extras:
Trailer: The trailer for this title.
Making of:The British chick with the posh accent who does the Private voice-overs tells us the story of a Pimp who tries to dress like Ali-G (well, the hat and glasses) who runs his stable out of an old theatre, kills some of his girls when he finds they're stealing from him, goes to prison, kills someone else, then regains control of his harem. Then the dead girls' ghosts come to get him "using the kinkiest sex imaginable as their weapons". Ok, whatever. She says "filthy wanton sluts" rather a lot, too. Not so much a making-of than an extended trailer.
Cast: The usual step-throughs of the disc's female cast.
Movie Photobook: A bunch of hi-res action stills that you navigate yourself in step format.
Backstage Photobook: A bunch of hi-res BTS stills that you navigate yourself in step format.
Production Notes: The main dialogue spoken by the woman in the "Making of" in text, nominal credits for the cast and director. Shot in Budapest, Hungary.
Other Titles: Individual Previews for: Castings X 30, Maid To Be Laid, The Private Life of Mercedes, Reality 24, Dream Girls in St Martin, Sex Angels.
About Private: 3 options - Discover Private DVDs, Who's Private, Private Internet.- Each basically showing a short clip on "why we are fantastic".

Language options: English, French, German, Spanish, Italian.
Subtitle options: Dutch, Swedish, Danish, Portugese, Polish, Greek.

A quick note on scene ratings - unlike many reviewers of different things who tend to rate "average" as 7/10. I rate average as 5/10, this makes 7/10 from me quite a bit above average, so bear this in mind.

None of these scenes feature condoms. Well, excepting the strap-on(!) Anything else notable will be mentioned by scene.

It's been quite some time since I've reviewed one of Private's Pirate line, when Frank Thring was the director for the line. This time the line has been renamed Pirate Fetish Machine, and the director is Suzi Medusa Gottardi. I pretty much skipped over Kovi's run with the line, since his style didn't work for me at all, and though Thring could be great he was also notoriously uneven in the quality of his films. Not having yet seen any of Susi's work, let's see what she can do..

Scene 1:
Julie Silver, Gabriel Montoya.

Anal, Facial.

In this Dungeon scene, Julie is dressed as some kind of prison guard, with a unbuttoned brown shirt, officer's cap, black PVC skirt and gloves, stockings and black PVC boots, with her hair in long pigtails. She holds a riding crop, wears sunglasses and a ring in her right nostril. Julie walks down some stairs and enters a cell, unconvincingly telling the guy how shit he is in heavily-accented English, then of course drops to her knees to blow the prisoner who's face is obscured by a black mask. He also has fishnets, black underpants and bracers on his wrists. The BJ is extremely sloppy, but Julie continues talking shit, so unless you plan on laughing throuhg the scene, I'd suggest turning the sound down. She bends over and gets fucked doggy, ans we see a cutaway to some guy watching through a hole in the wall and using a penis pump on himself. Julie gets fucked anal doggy next, then RAC, then cowgirl, anal cowgirl, RAC again, then she sucks the guy who jacks off in her face and she plays with the cum on her face for awhile. She then cuts a mouthhole in the guy's mask, and sits on his face as we cut... not quite what I think of as "interrogation".

Quite decent actually. Well shot and well-lit considering the theme. Julie's moaning is really annoying thogh.
7/10

Scene 2:
Jessica May, Franco Trentalance, Guy.

Anal, DP, Facials.

Jessica, dressed in a garish green bikini and the two guys walk onto a stage as a red curtain opens, and she immediately goes down on both of them. Jess is looking far from her best here, and even her hair is streaked with bleached bits that just make it look scummy. One guy has leather chaps on and she sucks him through the gap as the other guy starts to fuck her from behind, vaginally briefly then anally. The guys swap sides briefly, then we cut to cowgirl DP in progress, then naturally the next cut is to RC DP in progress. Why do we only very rarely ever see the performers physically change position? Spoon anal while she sucks leather-chaps is next, then both guys jerk off weak loads onto Jessica's face with lots of post-cum head to end a very forgettable scene.

Garish clothing, horrible hair, garish make-up.. all enough to turn watching the scene.
4.5/10

Scene 3:
Sandy Style, Some Guy.

Anal, butt-cheeck cumshot.

Some guy with huge arms holds Sandy (a pretty blonde) by the throat and they lick at one another's mouths, before they both llay down and she jerks him off as he licks her heels. She sucks his dick for literally 10 seconds before we cut to RAC. Next he fucks her anally from behind while giving her ass a few slaps, then does the same in doggy and suddenly comes all over her butt.. huh?

What there was in this scene was decent, but it ended way too suddenly (accidently?) and in any case was edited down too far. It could have been a decent scene, but was not.
4.5/10

Scene 4:
Rita Neri, Franco Trentalance, Guys.

Anal, DP, Facials.

Rita is a very pretty brunette, and is led across the theatre floor on all fours by a dog leash by a guy dressed in camo pants. The other guy feeds her a piece of ham from the platter he has on the table, then both guys unzip and she blows them both. Soon she's bent over the table sucking one guy as the other fingers her pussy and asshole, before fucking her ass. Cut to a few seconds of her riding one guy cowgirl before the other guy goes right into her ass for the DP. At this point in the scene my copy of the disc froze up, but by stepping forwards and rewinding, I saw that the scene ends with more DP and 2 facials.

My copy of this disc suffered from some severe digital breakup during this scene, even before the disc froze, so I'm not able to really judge it that well. From what I saw it looked quite decent.
7/10

Scene 5: Make Up Session: Taken from: Private XXX #16.
Anette (aka Sunny), Sandy Style.

Strap-on, Anal, Smoking

Anette, a very pretty olive-skinned natural-breasted girl with pigtails, a tongue piercing and a nose stud pushes Sandy into a room, and Sandy goes right to work, licking and fingering Anette's pussy. Next Anette returns the favour, licking and fingering Sandy through her crotchless pink panties, before pulling out a strap-on dildo, putting a black condom onto it (safe sex!) and fucking Sandy missionary, then anally as she puffs on a cigarette and passses it to Sandy. Got to check off those fetishes, I guess. Some RAC that doesn't really work, and we see a series of cutaways and cross-fades to Julie SIlver and Jessica May, (or their "ghosts") holding Axes and looking grim, ruining the shots of Anette and Sandy kissing. Just in case you were getting distracted from the "plot" and enjoying the sex, I suppose. Sandy now fucks Anette with the strap-on, first with and then without the condom on, then Anette goes down on the strap-on to demonstrate the cluelessness of this film and the scene ends.

Anette looked very hot here, though unfortunately there was far too much other bullshit to allow the scene to really be enjoyed as porn.
4/10

Scene 6:
Julie Silver, Jessica May, Franco Trentalance.

Anal, Anal creampie (kinda) eating.

This scene starts with both girls, who are now the Angels of Death or something, sucking on Franco's dick (again) and is shot from below the girls. Julie has some kind of fishnet crop-top on as well as the nosering mentioned earlier. Jessica, a bob-haired brunette has finbgerless gloves on. Franco forces Julie's head right down onto his cock, she then stands up and Jessica sucks Franco's cock, then licks Julie's asshole and fingers her pussy. Finally the camera is moved off of the fucking floor, and we see Julie getting fucked anal doggy by Franco, who is wearing wodland camo pants for some reason. Just to destroy any heat the scene had started to gain, we cut away to a close-up of Gabriel Montoya from the earlier scene wearing his gimp-mask and then jerking off. When we get back from that, Jessica is being fucked anally in the spoon position as Julie licks her pussy with more fucking cutaways to Gabriel's masked face. Julie rides anal cowgirl, Jessica gets fucked missionaranally and gaped, then doggy anal while 69ing Julie, then the girls swap so that Julie gets the doggy anal, then Franco comes on Julie's asscrack and fucks some semen into her butthole which drips down and is swallowed by Jessica. Ugh. Just to top it off, we cut back to the masked face of Gabriel again.

This was very average. The cutaways were mood/scene breakers, the scene was nothing special on it's own merits, and eating cum out of an asshole doesn't do anything at all for me..
3/10

Well this was a disappointing outing for Susi, as it appears that checking off the boxes of her fetish menu takes priority over shooting good sex, and the splicing of uninvolved people's faces (particularly in scenes 1 and 4) to further the wafer-thin "plot" also takes precedence over editing together a good sex scene. Technically, the DVD authoring was a bit lazy, with only one chapter break per scene rather than having multiple stops throughout the scene. Rita and Neri's above-average scenes almost bring the average close enough to rate this film as a 5/10, but not quite...
4/10