Pirate Fetish Machine 12: The Fetish Garden Review

Let's be clear about what The Fetish Garden offers. In the mode of the worst "theatre workshop" / "I'm a tree" cliché, women in patterned leotards adopt poses in the fantastical surroundings of Barcelona's Parc Guell, one of the most famous creations of Catalan architect Antoni Gaudi. It seems that director J.M. Ponce, with no pun intended, feels the need to bring such influences to bear on this pornographic movie. I'm sure it's not only the devout Gaudi - presently rotating at around 2000rpm in his tomb - who would protest at such a notion. And if I were to tell you that such pretentious conceits are the best thing about this movie…?

Well, I wouldn't be entirely honest. The soundtrack is reasonable, and two of the movie's loosely connected sex scenes present some visually stimulating material. To wit, pneumatic blonde bombshell Stacy Silver - fake bust or none - in wicked red leather and black nylons, being soundly stuffed by Ramon Nomar as she's suspended in a heavy leather harness. And later, the feline Claudia Claire enjoying a girl-girl session with a funky dreadlocked chick called Miercoles, whose unconventional appeal and willowy form are highlights of the movie.

Top class rubber and leatherwear from DeMask clads the cast in style, and at times this stuff looks good. A blonde dominatrix in shiny PVC, waist cinched tight in a constrictive corset, shaven headed slave girls in cages…unfortunately director Ponce chooses to wander off to film extremely pedestrian sex at every opportunity. For example, just when Claudia and Miercoles are heating up, camerawork from the "we've got a dolly and we're going to use it" school meanders off to a much less stimulating encounter in the dungeon setting. Not that I can really quibble with this, in a way - Ponce admits that the movie is entirely about the objectification of women, and in that regard it's largely successful, as there's precious little charisma or personality displayed. The performers are utilised as rubbered-up robots to fit Ponce's vision.

And that's perhaps the biggest issue with The Fetish Garden. It grasps at notions that are well beyond its creative reach, which rarely extends beyond perfunctory competence. The visual flair that would really be required to make some fairly outlandish concepts work is simply not in evidence. The connecting premise of the movie, a slim (read laughable, depending on your level of cynicism) notion about attaining higher levels of sexual abandon in the fetish garden, ultimately becoming plants, is unconvincing enough on its own, but is rendered utterly cringe worthy by dire voice-over acting - the entire thing is narrated rather than acted by the cast, and the script is woeful. Such voice-overs explain the aforementioned tree-women and the images of BDSM scenarios that intersperse the painfully conventional porn sex scenes.

While things look superficially stylish, it takes little in the way of close examination to reveal the cracks, from the billowing dry-ice smoke failing to create the desired level of mystery to some odd choices in lighting - the opening oral gangbang scene, in which pretty but sadly fake-busted Spanish brunette Malena Conde has numerous men come on her face, is set in a fetish bar, but bizarrely lit in a garish green. Other scenes seem just too stagy - perhaps such formality is intentional - and the finale, featuring Stacy Silver, men in cloaks and a welter of DP, is mechanical, heartless pornosex of the worst kind.

Somewhere in there, Cristina Bella and Claudia submit to their burly men and lay it on in similar style - I gather some of the cast have a background in live sex shows, so it's perhaps unsurprising they ham it up a touch - and there's also a foot-fetish scene where Bibian Norai and Malena dominate a bound slave with their tender tootsies before treating him to some impressive oral. A rare highlight abruptly cut short with a strange jump cut.

Overall
This is, of course, a relatively truncated analysis of the Fetish Garden, and doubtless there's an element of personal taste involved. One thing I should point out is that as inappropriate as Ponce's influences might seem, I certainly am not criticising him for reflecting the world outside pornography in his work, whether these ideas work or not. Given that the vast bulk of pornography is made with minimal concern for aesthetics or artistry - not that I am necessarily making any such claims for Ponce - it is at least worthy of some commendation, however half-heartedly offered.

What I do dislike about the Fetish Garden is the sex, which is energetically performed but still too lacking in even the illusion of real passion, and the failure to maximise the potential input of its stars. Cristina Bella might be on the cover, but I wouldn't recommend this to fans expecting to see her featured as Stacy Silver is. And despite a few welcome moments where hardcore sex and bondage are tastefully (a relative term) combined, as is so often the case, another hardcore porn flick simply tools around with the fashion and the pose of BDSM without fully marrying the two with real conviction.

DVD Comments
Despite a short running time, Private has put fair effort into the overall package. There's a decent behind-the-scenes clip, further extended interviews with the cast (though a twitchy Claudia Claire makes me worried for some reason), plenty of photos, cast and movie information and the usual trailers and promotional DVD-Rom gubbins. The movie itself has very good picture quality indeed, and is unusually presented in 16:9 anamorphic widescreen. It's just a shame there isn't much to back up the initial visual impact.