Parisian Cycle Slut Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  1/23/2003

This is a horrendous cheapie at a horribly inflated price. Although the cover calls it Parisian Cycle Slut, the film itself is Parisian Cycle Sluts. This latter is more accurate.

Credits roll over footage of a motorcycle race. After which we see a lonely cyclist tooling along a dirt road. He stops to take a leak and overhears noises coming from the bushes. Two guys with pants around their ankles are fucking bareback. The scene is edited haphazardly as sometimes they are sucking and sometimes they are fucking. Tres sloppy, mes amis. Our cyclist watches and jerks off.

In a second scene, we discover a curly blond leaning over a motorcycle as a guy clad in a leather jacket rubs his cock on the guy’s pants. The pants finally come down and the guy goes in. A third guy—this one is actually quite attractive—wanders out of the woods and presents his wood to the guy being fucked. When the fucker comes he buttons up his trousers and buggers off with nary a thank you. (The French can be so rude at times.) Depositing his own load on the ground, Blondie sucks off the handsome guy who cums on his face. Blondie sucks the scummy cock clean.

Handsome now drives over to a garage. We cut to handsome and a young mechanic kissing inside a room. They are mirror images of one another. They could be twins. Perhaps, they are brothers. Certainly they must be first cousins. I can tell them apart only because one has a red rose tattoo on his upper arm. This is the first scene in which the sucking is mutual. Red Rose fucks his brother/cousin who does not seem ecstatic about it.

The next scene is a foursome. Red Rose and his brother cousin and leather jacket and Blondie form scene two. Once again Red Rose fucks his brother/cousin (who seems to enjoy it a bit more this time) and leather jacket fucks Blondie. As Leather Jacket pounds into Blondie “The End” appears over the action. The film stops abruptly. What the fuck?

What a piece of crap this whole thing was. The sex was unbelievably slow and each scene was accompanied by the same annoying music: strings in a high register going “ziti ziti ziti” very rapidly. The rapid music and slow sex was like watching a snail crawl to can-can music. I also prefer my sex in the nude not just with cocks and asses sticking out of pants. Only the incest scene was unclothed. And then we only got 3 ½ scenes in this turkey. What a rip-off. Cadinot, it ain’t!

The DVD offers us little other than chapter selections in the extras section. Which is not surprising since they offered us little in the film itself.