Nuttin Review

Nuttin

Cast: Hernando, B. Nasty, V. Twizzy, Lorenzo, James, and Boom Boom.

Director: Baby Boss

Production date: 1/2/02–6/27/02

Length: 60 min.

Extras: A bonus scene from Nuttin 2 ("Jail Bird," running time: 9:31), and a photo gallery which doesn't work on my player.

Boobie prizes: I initially had difficulty getting my machine to accept this DVD-R. It was too thick to fit into the iMac slot until I peeled off the website label around the central hole. The studio logo is ubiquitous in this production; prominent silver-on-black lettering appears on shirts and/or hats in five of the six scenes. I understand concerns about piracy, but I would've preferred a subtle watermark over what appears to be unrelenting self-promotion. The box cover photo is slightly misleading, since it was taken prior to the tattoo work which appears in the movie.

Audio/visual quality: The picture is masked to a widescreen ratio. The camerawork is handheld, lending a not-quite-polished feel which some viewers prefer. I didn't always like it—in half the scenes, the camera moves more than the men, which seems like an artificial way of injecting visual energy. There are some good angles and juxtapositions, however. The audio is also very nice. The hip hoppish instrumentals are interesting to hear, and they fade out before the orgasms.

First impression: This is a brave attempt at something outside the usual formula. I really wanted to like it, but…

Highlights:

Hide Out Hernando is running from trouble. He twice announces, "I don't need a girl." He lies in bed, expending minimal energy and making no position changes, until he silently releases a respectable pop. The camera shadow crosses Hernando's body at least nine times. Time: 5:45. Rating: 1 star.

Make Yourself at Home B. Nasty housesits a hotel room (huh?) and finds a girlie mag. There are attractive close-ups of his glistening cock and a naughty lube stain on the upholstery. But he's stuck in a sitting position, where he climaxes on his hand. Time: 7:19. Rating: 2 stars.

Sounds of Sex V. Twizzy can't sleep when sex noises invade from the room above. He plays the Platinum Pictures video Face, and the action dovetails. When the actor calls the actress a bitch, V. Twizzy calls her a bitch, too. We glimpse V. Twizzy's foot, and then the actor's foot (and so on). V. Twizzy shifts from sofa to table to chair, dropping his load on a glossy book cover. Time: 10:44. Rating: 3 stars.

A Work of Art Lorenzo bombs the neighborhood with spray paint. Happening upon a porn magazine, he proceeds to jerk off in several athletic positions, using the graffiti coated walls as a prop. He comes on his taut belly. Lorenzo has mottled teeth like mine—I don't see that too often in porn. Nice to have something quirky and real, instead of the usual veneers. Time: 9:43. Rating: 3.5 stars.

Nuttin in N.Y.C. James takes a shower and telephones his "bitch," who opts out of their date. He lies beneath a mirrored ceiling, smoking a cigar and looking rather cross as he wanks. His position is static, with an ejaculation on his stomach when he reaches the last inch of his cigar. Time: 12:07. Rating: 2.5 stars.

The Voice Boom Boom is an escort who entertains an unseen female with a private show at the "Platinum Towers." He follows her directions, getting undressed, exposing himself at the rainy window. For a fistful of fifties, he agrees to do something special. I was all primed and eager for the autofellatio, but it's literally three licks and an unfulfilled promise. The cum lands on closed lips. It's still one of the better scenes on this disc. Time: 10:06. Rating: 3.5 stars.

Screenshots:

Thumbs up: Most of the scenes contain elements of heterosexuality, and the remainder of the material is neutral (i.e., not gay). When I pointed this out at the Adult DVD Talk forum, it caused quite a ruckus. I'm still not sure why. Personally, I couldn't care less what orientation the characters are supposed to be. But I'm mentioning it here (as a thumbs up) because I've read repeated requests for straight male solos at two different message boards. Some consumers are looking for this type of thing and not finding it. Here's one to help fill the gap.

This movie may also appeal to people who like voyeuristic (as opposed to interactive) experiences. Except for the last scene, the models rarely acknowledge or flirt with the camera, which some viewers prefer.

Thumbs down: The vignette style works extremely well for this material. Unfortunately, many of the scene set-ups are downers. They stand in stark contrast to my private experiences, which are usually celebratory and self-nurturing. Normally I have to be in a good mood before I feel horny, so it's hard to relate to masturbation motivated by mere aloneness, or killing time, or earning cash, or achieving simple physical release. I'm not judging any of these reasons; I just don't resonate with them. The Nuttin performances tend to be more stoic than sensual; consequently, they're about as erotic to me as watching people sneeze.

Themes: Masturbation (primary theme), multiethnic cast (primary theme), lean and natural physiques, tattoos, showering, cigar smoking, voyeurism/exhibitionism, autofellatio. (Intercut footage from Face includes: interracial, blowjob, f>m rimming, and a facial—basically, a female orally servicing a male.)

Condom use: None (n/a).

Juice-o-meter: Low. As I already mentioned, I don't identify much with the sexual style presented here. Plus, the last scene is probably the only one which truly reveres women. Some of the others are pretty dismissive. The attitude is not: "I want to turn you on and please you." It's: "Girls are more trouble than they're worth, and I'd rather just do it myself."

Final analysis: Nuttin leaves me with the sense that I accidentally watched a disc intended for some other audience. It has enough technical merit to earn at least an "average" rating (the action is easy to see, the audio is clear, all scenes include a cumshot, etc.). But truthfully, the movie doesn't do much for me. About half of the performances seem flat, and although there's only a little dialog, some of it doesn't rub me quite right.

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