Nude Science Review

Reviewed by TouchDown Tony  on  8/9/2001

Taking a cue from John Hughes 1985 teen comedy Weird Science, that Val Kilmer and Anthony Michael Hall picture about two computer geeks who “create” a perfect woman via computer, Nude Science goes a few steps further as Derek Cameron and Joey Hart use a brand new program to bring toy dolls to life, for their sexual pleasure, as well as to toy with an obnoxious houseguest. I must say that I immediately began a search for this program myself, and came up high and dry. Think of the possibilities - - you know that old Luke Skywalker action figure you have lying around...or better still, that Han Solo figure that has seen better days....all yours at the click of a mouse!

It’s a great concept, and executed with panache by director Dane Preston. Except for one instance, Sharon Kane contributes a great techno-pop score, appropriate to the movie. If the film doesn’t always work up to its potential, director Dane Preston often mis- stages the action sequences as if covering a wrestling match, there are several hot men and an ample array of solid flesh to quench the adventurous soul.

It would seem that Pierce Vendetta and his gang of low-life buddies have invaded cousin Joey Hart’s luxurious house and pool. To get him to leave, Hart and Cameron have acquired a computer disc which will generate toy dolls into real adult action figures. (I dunno about Vendetta, but a program like that would make me want to stay and play...but hey, it’s a movie, who needs logic?)!

Featuring, as advertised on the cover, “6 Sizzling Sex Scenes,” there are a few which are noteworthy and steamy. The opening scene wherein Cameron turns a G. I. Joe doll into a jungle mercenary to plunder against the jungle- influenced backdrop is a definite highlight. Ted Matthews’ tawny-skinned beauty jumps out from the jungle bedraped bedside, and possibly the best cum shot it’s been my pleasure to view on home video. (I’ve tried this at home, and trust me, it works). With Matthews fucking Cameron’s cute ass and sucking his dick at the same time left my mouth agape.

After the promising beginning, things heat up for an incredible three-way, which is marred only by the camerawork which turns the action into a wrestling match on a four-poster bed. Cameron and Hart then decide to put their plans into motion by summoning Eduardo and the ever-popular J. T. Sloan to life on George Valentino’s bed for a three-way complete with double entry. It would seem that Valentino is Vendetta’s new boy- toy, and this indiscretion should separate them, according to out computer geeks. Things get heavy quickly, as baby-faced Valentino serves his two dolls with delight, fulfilling many a fantasy along the way. Who wouldn’t want fuzzy-wuzzy Eduardo’s uncut shaft excavating their throat while Sloan is busy priming your ass for a major digging? Hold onto your own shafts when Valentino mutters the immortal line, “I want BOTH of you to fuck me,” as it leads to the awesome double pentration, and satisfaction Plot devices set in as Vendetta’s buddy’s create a diversion so that the computer program will fall into their hands.

The diversion is fairly weak, with the red-headed Michaels and the tattooed Carson clean themselves up in the sauna while being spied on by Hart and Michaels. No great shakes here, although Michaels’ freckles are delicious to view.

Former Bedfellow model Pierce Vendetta makes his film debut with a pool side duet with the single-named Austin in my personal favorite scene. Austin is the computer-generated version of Vendetta’s ex-b.f., but there’s nothing “ex” about their lovemaking! These guys are hot, and hotter for each other than ever before. I enjoyed seeing one of my favorite Bedfellow models living up to the potential he showed in cyber- space; with those tattooes in all the right places, and the bleachy blond hair and a dick to die for, Vendetta grants Austin a poolside fuck and suckfest which generates heat.

Now the sad news, the movie falls to pieces right after Vendetta and Austin’s climax. The next two scenes don’t suffer in comparison, they’re just two vignettes from an unsure director (who will know better now that he has one film under his belt). Vendetta’s buddies, Johnny Rey and George Brazil, use the computer program to get themselves a plaything: brunette hot boy Peter Wilder. Like the film’s previous three-way, Preston can’t exactly decide where to put his camera; there are long shots which go on interminably as Rey is rimming Wilder while Brazil does a lap dance on Wilder’s face, but the money shot is as fabulous as a day at Elizabeth Arden’s: Wilder covers Brazil’s chestnut-colored face with the best of all possible facials.

For the film’s finale, equally disappointing, Hart finally gets his chance to use the computer program for his own benefit. He’s paired with daddy-type Dex Banning for a waterfall rendezvous, BUT with Sharon Kane’s syrupy song insinuating itself over and above the action, it’s not the climactic scene that it should have been. Think of your favorite sex scene of all time being staged to a Partridge Family song and you’ll get the idea of how misguided the scene is.

Whatever flaws Nude Science may bear, are made up for with a disc presentation that is superlative. The videography is crystal clear, and the Dolby Digital stereo is awesome. The disc’s menu screen is presented with Kane’s throbbing title tune, which will be running around in your head for days afterwards, and there are plenty of great Special Features to be savored. Two trailers, without action scenes, whetted my appetite to see both Hotel Italia and Across the Ocean. The “Slide Show” has over thirty nicely produced photos, and is self-playing. The five minute “Blooper Reel” is often hysterical, as well as showing the performers professionalism in the face of adversity. Moderately interesting is the unedited “Three-Way Sex Scene” featuring Eduardo, Valentino and Sloan. Running nearly twenty minutes (!) its presented without the inserts of penetration and with music only. It still looks like a wrestling match to me. Finally, IMD offers up a gallery of “Models’ Stats.” This is a feature which should be mandatory on all adult titles. Great pictures of the stars accompanied by such vital statistics as: hometown, sign, height, weight, hair color, eyes, cock (inches and foreskin status). Since one of my hands is often pre-occupied as I try to take notes, this feature assures that when I’ve cleaned up and begin to pen my remarks I can put the right name to the right body.

Nude Science has a quirky humorous side that works very well, as well as a cast of finely- chiseled, smooth guys who go into action at the click of a mouse. With a bundle of “Special Features,” an interesting premise - - not always as effective as it could have been in the hands of a more seasoned director - - and a few good men providing a little more than heavy petting, Nude Science is a disc worth owning.