North Pole 15 Review

Reviewed by Diville  on  5/5/2001

Starring: Miko Lee, Kiri, Bianca Jordan, Jezaree, Mika Tan, Judy, Peter North, Robbie James, Chris Cannon, Cheyne Collins

Directed by: Peter North

At the frequency with which I mow my lawn, Peter North seems to be releasing onto DVD another in his long running North Pole Series. He's up to volume 15 in the digital format, and not much has changed since it's beginning. Why should things change, though? There has been a low point here and there, but North Pole has been consistent at presenting stunning women doing very nasty things.

At the risk of personifying North's testicles, let me say they have a tendency to unburden themselves in the presence of new porn talent. To demonstrate this point, he casts himself in two of the movie's vignettes, both with very pretty blondes. What happens next? Who fucks who and who cums where? Perhaps a FAQ is in order:

What happens next? Who fucks who and who cums where?

You know, I didn't take notes. I'm not much of a note taker, but I am a letter writer. And if I was writing one to a friend as perverted as myself, I'd tell him about Judy, the girl North bangs in the opening scene. It's not quite fair to categorize her as a lame fuck, but it is fair to describe her as beautiful and unenthusiastic...like a Vivid girl. She's attractive enough to keep your attention, but she behaves as though she's just trying her hardest not to renig on agreed upon sexual obligations.

Jezeree plays the part of a proper and chaste school girl who gives herself over to boyfriend Robbie James. This is my favorite porn cliche, the real life slut who tries to trick us into thinking she's really a good girl. Don't let the pigtails fool you, not that they would. The shaved pussy and cum on her face might clue you into what she's really like.

Just two scenes?

No...stop interrupting. There's also a scene with Kiri and Chris Cannon. It must not have been very good, as I have an easier time remembering what I had for lunch yesterday (shrimp salad sandwich) than I do the proverbial ins and out of their time together. North returns with Bianca Jordan in a segment highlighted by her artificial tits and the look in her eyes which suggests she may have gotten in a little over her head once North releases his spelunker. Finally, covergirl Miko Lee lets Cheyne Collins fuck her in a very bad place during a three-way with Mika Tan.

Thanks for that.

You're welcome.

Peter is getting up there in years isn't he? I first saw him in one of my daddy's porn tapes.

Yeah, Peter isn't as young as he used to be, but he's in a lot better shape than most of the porn studs in the business. I'd much rather watch him work than the pierced and tatooed skate punks you're likely find in lesser movies. In typical Elvis style, he went and died his hair jet black, though, which makes him look as if he's the Bizarro World Peter North. If you say his name backwards, I would expect him to return to his own opposite dimension like a Superman villain. That said, you can always count on Peter North to deliver the goods.

You know what else Peter North is good at delivering? Big facials, that's what! Does he deliver any in this DVD, and if so, exactly how much semen does he deposit on his partners' faces? Please use cooking measurements.

Yes, he does deliver facials in typical Peter North fashion. The first is to Judy, who takes about 1/4 cup at point blank range. Bianca Jordan gets similar treatment, but not quite as much. If that doesn't sound like a lot, break out your measuring cups, and pour a quarter cup of something on your own face and pretend it's some guy's spunk. Now, does that seem like a lot to you?

Sorry, I should have mentioned that I live in Europe. Please use metric units.

Right. Sorry. I think that translates to 59 ml for Judy and about 50 ml for Bianca Jordan. Please, no more questions regarding volumes. They're making me a little queasy.

Sure. I've heard Miko Lee is supposed to be the next big thing. What do you think?

She'll have a following, just like any attractive porn star, but I don't think she's the next big thing. Don't get me wrong, I'd do her and all that, but I don't think she's going to challenge Jenna Jameson, Tera Patrick or any of the other really popular girls. Despite having a very fit body, there's something kind of goofy about her.

That's too bad. At least Jewel De'Nyle is in this, right? She's in all those North Pole movies.

Nope...I'm sorry to report that there is no Jewel De'Nyle. In fact, she stopped appearing in the series a couple of titles ago. I miss her. This would have been better had she not left. I know North isn't soliciting advice from amateur porn critics, but if he did, I'd suggest that he put at least one well known and proven star in each of his movies. What Jewel did for him was guarantee potential buyers that there would be at least something great on every DVD. Now, you have to do a little guess work since nobody knows who most of these girls are. Miko Lee, this time around, is supposed to be that ace in the hole, but I don't think she's so popular yet that her mere presence will assure quality. The bad news is that the Wickeds, Vivids, and VCAs have locked up a lot, if not all, of the top-of-the-line girls.

Can you please explain the difference between alot and a lot?

Sure. Alot isn't even a word but is very close to allot which is a verb meaning to assign as a portion. For example, you need to allot less than an hour and a half to watch North Pole 15 without hitting fast forward. A lot is a noun, usually followed by a prepositional phrase, that together describe a large amount of something, as in "Peter North gets a lot of good looking pussy." To confuse the two indicates that you either didn't pay attention to your English teachers, or that your English teachers didn't care enough to teach you well.

Screw you. Your use of grammar ain't exactly the best that ever was.

You're right. I'm sorry if that came across the wrong way. By the way, ain't isn't a word. Please use ai not.

I just looked at the back cover and see a lot of little white chicks. Can I expect any big black monster dicks?

It sounds like you've confused your wall-to- wall porn series. There's no interracial sex here, unless you count Cheyne Collins' three-way with Asians Miko Lee and and Mika Tan. That's acutally a pretty good scene. Playing the part of "Pool Boy" he has sex with them both, and even gives Miko the anal treatment. Little Asian Chicks and Medium Sized Caucasian Dicks just doesn't have the same appeal as a title, though, does it?

I have a very strange and specific fetish. I can't get off unless I watch two women, dressed as superheroes, taking turns punching each other in the stomach. Please tell me there's a lot of that in this movie.

I will not tell you that. Fetish fans will need to look elsewhere, though those who share your tastes will have to look a whole lot harder. Much of what you see in North Pole 15 can be described as nasty (cum covered faces, violated sphincters, etc.), but nothing is freaky. It's a safe bet that anything with good production values will not reduce itself to carnal parlor tricks, and the production values here are pretty high. Despite the sterotypical 70s porn music played under some of the segments, it's all good, clean and dirty fun. By the way, have you run across any of those stomach punching superheroes who look like She-Hulk? She's kind of sexy.

I'm asking the question here. How likely will this DVD render me not horny in a sudden and explosive moment of focused horniness?

I think I know what you're getting at. The North Pole series has always been very good at balancing the nasty with the respectful, and as such, there's a little something here for everybody. The drawback, however, is that if you're a hardcore, unashamed raincoater, you're likely to be left a little cold. And if you're a sensitive, couples oriented man-woman, you may be a little disgusted by the anal and the facials. My advice is to look at the front and back cover of the the box before you buy it. If any of those girls look good to you, then you won't be dissappointed. They all do pretty much everything you would want them to do.