My Virtual Cytherea Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  5/28/2004

The Little Details

Running Time: 68 min.

Production Date: 11 / 11 / 2003

Director: Jon Yuma

Cast: Cytherea and Brett Rockman

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: This series has been less than impressive, to say the least. I’m not really expecting much here.

Initial Reaction: As usual with this series the performers do a nice job while everybody else brings it down.

Who Should Watch It : Fans of Cytherea

Who Should Avoid It: Fans of virtual sex and anybody who wants what the cover advertises

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects are okay. The audio is fairly clear, but a little scratchy. It also has a few background noise from the cameraman and you can hear them give the performers directions. The video is similar. It’s very nicely lit, but has a bit of grain and a few minor soft focus blurs. The bigger problem here is that the action feels like it was shot for full screen and then cropped to put the selections at the top and the bottom of the screen. This often makes the action feel cramped, and at its worst, like somebody didn’t know what they were doing behind the camera.

Music: None

False Advertising: As usual, the cover claims here are about as believable as Bill Clinton in a dry cleaner’s telling somebody he’s there to drop off Hillary’s clothes. The cover claims Multi-angle, Point of View (POV), Extreme Interactive, Personal Lap Dance, Strip Tease, Masturbation, Shot Exclusively for DVD, Letterbox and Theater Format, and Cum Shots at the Push of a Button on the front with Extra POV Scene, Multiple Preview Trailers, and Photo Gallery, among other things, listed on the back. The only really honest and straightforward claims here are that it’s shot for DVD (as I don’t think anybody’s releasing this on VHS), has cum shots at the push of a button, and has trailers and a photo gallery. The rest of the claims are stretching it or deceptive advertisements at the best and downright lies at the worst.

The worst claim here is the Personal Lap Dance, which I couldn’t find anywhere on the DVD. The Multi-angle and POV claims aren’t far behind and are very obvious because the multiple angle feature isn’t available on the DVD. The bullshit POV claim goes right into the bonus scene, which has some POV aspects but isn’t close to being a POV scene itself. The Extreme Interactive claim is just as bad because the only interactivity you get is a glorified chapter menu wrapped around the action to let you jump to a different chapter. You don’t get an extreme interactivity choices such as adjusting the mood of the performing, choosing a different location, or choosing different angles such as on the virtual titles released by much better companies such as VCA, Digital Sin, Digital Playground, or Smash. If you want a really interactive title you’re much better off checking them out that anything Anarchy is doing for interactive and virtual releases.

Many of the claims are misleading or trivial. The strip tease and masturbation claims would be funny if they weren’t so pathetic in trying to look like this release offers so much. It’s part of the scene, so I’m not sure why they didn’t keep going and advertise that the DVD also had blowjobs, pussy eating, and fucking. Finally, there’s the Letterbox and Theater Formats claim. This one really has me scratching my head (the top one). It sounds like there’s two different aspect ratios here or something else, but it isn’t. Once again, the movie is presented in non-anamorphic widescreen with the choices in the black bars around it. Okay, letterbox can mean non-anamorphic, but theater to me means that it should have an anamorphic presentation, which it most definitely does not. This is another claim that just makes Anarchy look bad and remember the line of “Is pathetisad a real word?”. Whether it is or not, the claims on the boxcover are enough to get this one penalized a point and a half overall. I considered only docking it a full point, but claims such as these seem to be par for the course on this series.

Menus: The menus are pretty simple. The main menu looks nice and has a little animation, but isn’t extremely impressive. The submenus are extremely basic and very unimpressive.

The Feature

Anarchy is back with another edition of their My Virtual series. This time the chosen girl is Cytherea, a young brunette with a tight and natural body. She has great perky tits, an excellent ass, a pierced tongue, navel, and clit, and is well known for putting out an energetic performance with squirting.

The virtual action gives you many of the usual choices you’re used to after Cytherea gives a little talk to start things out about what she’s going to do. For foreplay, Cytherea will tease you, strip, or work herself over with her fingers, a dildo. She’ll even let you fuck her with the dildo if you choose to do so. You can have Cytherea suck ‘your’ cock or fuck her missionary, cowgirl (either regular or reverse), spooning, or doggie style. If that’s not enough, you can make her squirt (which she does on her own very well while being spooned). Finally, you can give Cytherea a pair of facials.

Throughout it all, Cytherea does a pretty good job. She’s extremely vocal and extremely energetic, which makes most of the action very nice to watch. I also didn’t doubt her squirting, which she also does extremely well at. The biggest problem I had with Cytherea’s performance was that she didn’t seem to know where to focus. She flipped back and forth between playing to the camera and playing to Brett, who you catch a glimpse of now and then and that’s about it. The focus almost seemed like an even split at times, and started to throw me out of the scene a few times.

The pop shots are okay and yet odd. On the plus side, the pop shot is real. There was never even an inkling of doubt that they were faked, and Cytherea handles them both extremely well. The problem is that with the way the disc is handled, they often come one after another. It isn’t broken up so that there’s one pop with the blowjob and one with the sex. Instead it’s two at the very end of the feature, both of which are facials, and almost seem tacked on. They’re nice pops, it’s just that once again the sex is held back by somebody not seeming like they have the knowledge or resources to do the job right.

The big problem, and it’s the same problem that’s been in every installment of this series I’ve watched, is that the virtual mechanism seems like it was outdated about the time that General ‘Black Jack’ Pershing retired from active duty. The mechanism is just a glorified chapter menu wrapped around the picture after it’s been chopped to roughly a 1.85:1 aspect ratio. You watch the scene just like you would your normal porno, and if you want to see something different you can select it from around the movie rather than having to go back to the chapter menu. Whooooooooooopieeeeeeeeeeeee! All this really does is take away from the job Cytherea and Brett did. As is, it runs like a porno that was given to a chef at a Japanese steakhouse who did his best slice-and-dice job on it and then somebody else put together the pieces they could find with little labels on them. When I watch a title like this I expect the girl to do what I tell her to. If I want to watch her suck cock for thirty eight and a half minutes, she’s going to do that until I tell her to do something else and I’m not going to have to touch a single button. Here if you see something you like and want to keep watching it you have to constantly hit buttons to replay the section you want to watch. It’s like somebody wanted to try to solve the looping problems so many companies had when virtual sex titles first came out and then decided that rather than empty out the bank account trying to do it right, they should empty it out by going out and buying a pack of smokes and a six pack and let the scene keep going. It’s the same feeling you get for their multiple angle claim where the angles are edited together like a regular movie rather than giving you multiple angles you can choose from.

In My Virtual Cytherea, Anarchy once again makes me wonder if they have post-it notes stuck around their offices to remind them that girls are the ones with the vaginas while a bunch of guys walk around kinda funny. They have an idea of what’s going on here, and have made another fine selection in the girl to head things up. Cytherea does a nicely energetic and nicely vocal job that’s a joy to watch. Unfortunately the virtual sex aspect is so laughable that I put its interactive capabilities as just slightly more advanced than a VHS tape. Three or four years ago this might have been acceptable, but with the technology that’s out now the virtual aspect here just makes Anarchy look bad. They look even worse with every release like this they put out as they don’t appear to be able to learn how to improve or correct their problems and keep making the same bullshit claims on their covers on what you can find inside. My Virtual Cytherea had a lot of potential, but sadly it all stopped with the performers.

The Extra Stuff

The photo gallery contains just over twenty very nice looking snapshots and good looking full screen photos. Trailers are included for seven of Anarchy’s other movies. There’s also a bonus scene, bloopers, and mail order and website info.

The blooper reel lasts almost two minutes. More than anything the blooper reel is just Cytherea working with Jon Yuma to get the shots he wants. There’s a few minor sexual bloopers, but nothing too entertaining. It’s a very forgettable featurette.

Bonus Scene - Cytherea and John West

When Cytherea finds out that John’s girlfriend just left him, she decides to try to help him feel better. He lays down on his back so that she can give him a massage, and lets her straddle him while rubbing her hands all over his body. Moments later they’re pants are gone and John’s unit is in Cytherea’s mouth, and it doesn’t take much longer for the rest of their clothes to disappear. John returns the oral favors, and works Cytherea over with his tongue and fingers until she lets go with a couple squirts which looks more like pissing due to the color. Cytherea lays back for John to take her missionary style and squirts again. She also lets John take her from behind as well as on her side before finishing things up with a nice facial.

This is a pretty good scene. I love Cytherea’s energy as well as her trash talking. She really puts a lot into this scene and raises it up past some of the weaknesses the technical aspects and camera work try to burden it with. The biggest problem here is that the cover advertises this as a POV scene, which it isn’t. It’s not a really great scene, but it is a pretty good scene with a lot going for it. This is a very nice extra and would be better if it weren’t advertised as something it wasn’t on the cover.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, masturbation, toys, spanking, and squirting

Raincoat Factor: Very high

Condom Usage: None

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many episodes in Anarchy’s My Virtual series can be found online for between about $10 and $20 with many stores offering them for around $15. If you’re a fan of Cytherea this one’s probably worth the low end, but I wouldn’t go much beyond that. The sex is hot but the virtual action leaves plenty to be desired. The technical aspects are barely above average, but there is a little effort put into the extras.

Note to Anarchy Films: I know consistency is supposed to be a good thing, but the consistent job you’re doing on your covers isn’t. Nobody likes a liar, and the really sad thing is that you do show some nice potential. You’ve cried wolf on your covers so much that when you honestly say that you’ve done something right there’s a lot of people who are going to bypass you because you’ve bullshitted them too much in the past.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight