Musclemen Moving Company Inc. Review

Reviewed by Joe Shaver  on  7/12/2005

If you like to see a muscleman on his knees with a cock in his mouth, or a muscle man on his back with a cock in his ass—then this one might be for you.

It begins with Derek Stone whose white hair makes him resemble the CEO of some Fortune 500 company on the phone order five muscular moving men. He gives instructions for them to come on in, as he will be in the shower. (As three scenes occur before he gets out of the shower, we tend to forget this. Perhaps the movers do too as he fails to give them either his name or address. This is just one instance of Blue Blake’s insightful dialogue.)
We cut to Robert Van Damme (the cover hunk) and Jim Slade lugging a mattress into an empty room and leaning it against the wall. The Oscar-winning dialogue is as follows:
Jim: Damn! That was heavy.
Robert: What’re you lookin’ at?
Jim: You.
Robert: Me?
They kiss. Their clothes melt (from their body heat I suppose). Robert has a nice uncut cock surmounted by only a thumbnail of pubic hair. Jim’s hair is a bit sparse in the crotch department also. Jim sucks Robert’s cock and rims his ass. Magically in this empty room, a finger-sized butt plug appears in Jim’s hand. He pushes this into Robert’s bunghole. Jim pushes the artificial digit in and out. Robert seems to like it. The next thing we see is Robert on his knees sucking Jim’s bone. He eats out Jim’s ass and fucks him. As they jack off we see white socks have suddenly reappeared on the feet of these formally naked studs. (Since body heat apparently melted them, I guess clothing starts to materialize as they cool down beginning with their feet.) I found it quite hot, however, when Robert came on Jim’s face and Jim then sucked Robert’s cummy cock.

Chad Connors and Ben Campezi are seen toting boxes. With none of our usual scintillating dialogue—in fact no dialogue at all—they lock lips. This pair doesn’t have dissolving clothes. They have to remove them. (Proof that getting there is half the fun.) Ben falls to his knees and starts sucking cock. Chad started out years ago as a cute bottom boy. When he matured and bulked up, his ass became off limits. (You can check him out as a bottoming twink in several of the Studio 2000 and Mustang films.) Ben is a handsome young Italian. He’s married and often brings his wife along to the filming. (Just sit over there, honey, and twiddle your twat.) Both have pubic hair. Chad’s proves he is a natural blond. After Ben has sucked Chad for a bit, Chad returns the favor. He then eats out Ben’s ass and fucks it.

Robert is now toting boxes with the gorgeous Jason Hawke. Once again we are treated to Blue Blake’s superb gift with dialogue:
Robert: I’ve got really sweaty balls.
Jason: My favorite kind.
They kiss. Jason is the first to drop to his knees. He loosens Robert’s pants and liberates his cock. He spit-coats Robert’s cock until it’s time for Robert to do the knee-drop. He then shoves his tongue and eventually his cock into Jason’s ass. They fuck both doggy and missionary. Jason cums and Robert sucks his spunky dick clean. Then Robert cums. Again they kiss.

Now it’s Tony Valentine and Carlos Morales as the box-toters. (It’s horribly obvious that little care was taken to insure variety in the scripting.) Tony is a narcissistic bald man. (He trumpets the fact that he’s straight and he never sucks cock.) Tony discovers a straight magazine with a close-up of a cunt. He rhapsodizes over the picture. (A raw oyster must give him an erection.) Carlos goes to his knees to relieve Tony and prove that a man’s ass can provide as much pleasure—if not more—than a pussy. Tony cums on Carlos’ face. “Eat it! Chew it! Swallow it! That’s it, Bitch!” he snarls.

Robert and Jim are our final pair of box-toters. Big Grandpa Steele descends the stairs wearing only shorts. It looks like a SUV coming down an alley. The man is big. Jim sticks around for sex.

With many films of the caliber of Cowboy and Hard as Rock, Blue Blake has shown himself to be a superb director. So, it’s very disappointing to see him so uninspired here. It’s not really bad. But it’s not really good either. Perhaps he needs to stop using the same performers over and over. He definitely needs to find a story or situation that really interests him. Then he might once again interest the viewers.