Mr. 18" & the Phantom Bitches Review

Reviewed by astroknight  on  11/13/2005

The Little Details

Running Time: 79 min.

Production Date: 12 / 12 / 2001

Director: None credited

Cast: Lena Ramon, Gina Delvaux, Mia Domore, and Mr. 18 Inches

The Short Story

Initial Expectations: Gentleman’s DVDs haven’t impressed me much, but dangit, this one’s got Lena Ramon so I can’t help but give it a chance!

Initial Reaction: It’s another dud.

Who Should Watch It : Anybody who only cares about seeing a big black dick

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody wanting good sex, good technical aspects, or a big black dick that can get hard and cum

The Technical Stuff

Audio /Video Quality: The technical aspects leave plenty to be desired. The audio is fairly well balanced, but there are a few minor background noises throughout the movie. The video is not nearly as good. To start with, there’s small black bars on the top and bottom of the screen that make the presentation look more like it wasn’t treated right than it being some odd widescreen aspect ratio. It’s lit okay, but has a checkerboard look to it that made me wonder if somebody threw a piece of cheesecloth over the camera lens. Right from the start, the video is poor at best.

Music: None

Menus: The menus leave plenty to be desired. The main menu has a still and the choices. The chapter menu lets you choose a scene based on a clip of the movie that’s so small you can barely make anything out.

The Feature

Mr. 18 Inches and the Phantom Bitches collects three unrelated scenes. Okay, I guess there’s some bullshit story about him being visited by thee dominant ghosts ala Scrooge, but if you blink or cough you’ll miss all the plot.

Scene 1 - Lena Ramon and Mr. 18 Inches

Mr. 18 Inches, a middle aged black guy with glasses, starts things out kissing his way around sultry natural bodied brunette Lena’s feet as she sits back on the bed and caresses her breasticles. She stands up and lets him kiss her legs and admire her pussy from below before Lena rubs his cock with her shoe, which appears to be a little longer than his cock. She lets him move up to eat her ass from behind before sitting on his stomach. She strokes his cock with her feet and hands before sliding forward to grind her clit against it. She slides off and slides his underwear around it before seeing how much she can take in her mouth, and continues to give it some heavy stroking. Lena moves on to sixty-nine Mr. 18 Inches before finally climbing up to ride him reverse cowgirl style. She turns around to fuck him cowgirl style, and lets go with a fake squirt all over his cock. He begs her to make him cum, but instead Lena slides her panties on him and leaves.

Lena was 2/3 the reason I felt the need to watch this movie (Mia Domore was the other third), and as usual she does a very good job. She puts some nice energy into fucking Mr. 18 Inches’ big cock (which sure doesn’t look to be 18" long) and puts out some believable vocals. Unfortunately, if I had to pick one word to describe the scene it would have to be “boring”. The scene is almost a half hour long, yet the fucking doesn’t start until over twenty minutes into the scene. The camera work leaves plenty to be desired by giving the feeling that whoever was behind it wasn’t sure what the heck they wanted to capture, and seems intent on cutting off Lena’s head. Mr. 18 Inches doesn’t help anything by lying there with all the energy of a blow-up doll, and barely does more than flop his head back and forth once he gets on his back. The bigger difference is that if you bounce on a blow up toy enough you might get it to pop. Finally, there’s the editing, which could have helped this out some by trimming a bit more to keep the flow going better. Of course it doesn’t, and even though I’m a big fan of Lena I couldn’t help but get out the remote to get through some of this one. Lena does a very good job here, but everything else about the scene holds it back to a below average level.

Scene 2 - Gina Delvaux and Mr. 18 Inches

Gina, an older redhead who sounds like she has a German accent, appears in some black and white fetishy lingerie with gloves and a black mask. She walks up onto the bed and lets Mr. 18 Inches worship her shoes and feet before playing with his cock with her feet a little. She fingers her pussy and lets him taste if from her gloves before squatting down on his face. She leans forward to suck his cock a little and rub it with her shoe before sliding forward to stroke it and rub it around her pussy in a continued attempt to get Mr. 18 Inches hard. She eventually gives up and lays back so he can try to sick his limp dick in her twat, and after a bit it starts to get in and get a little hard. Finally, the scene ends without a pop or any other feeling of closure.

This scene sucks. Yes, once again the woman has a little potential but everything else holds it back. Gina leaves a bit to be desired in the looks department and does an okay job with her commands as she tries to dominate Mr. 18 Inches. Sadly, her job is severely impeded by him not being able to get close to hard and appearing to just want to lay there again. Once again the cameraman seems unable to figure out how to work the camera to show all of both people on the screen, and instead wants to focus on the limp cock while the editor sees how painful he can make the scene by dragging it out unnecessarily to an end that feels chopped off. This scene made me glad I had a remote.

Scene 3 - Mia Domore and Mr. 18 Inches

Mia, a hot brunette claiming to be the “Dom of the Future”, walks in wearing black fishnets, spiked heels, and a latex outfit. She lays back and shoves her heels into his cock and balls before making Mr. 18 Inches take off one of her shoes. When he goes to take her other shoe off without permission, she slaps his cock with her other foot as punishment and I couldn’t help but let go with a shout of “Hit him again! Hit him harder! Punish him for this piece of shit!”. She grabs and twists his cock in punishment for making girls cry and bleed while only being concerned about himself. She strokes him a bit while punishing him before moving down to bite his cock hard. She slaps it with her belt before sucking it, and later moves up to sit on his face. She moves back down to work on his limp cock again, and degrades him for not being able to get hard. Mia ties one of her stockings around his cock and balls and has him hold the other end in his mouth to keep pressure around his balls before moving down to suck it a little. She bounces on it a little reverse cowgirl style before having Mr. 18 Inches fuck her from behind, and finally sucks him to a supposed pop in Mia’s mouth. She spits the “cum” in her mouth, and she spits it back on his cock wondering what the hell it was.

This is easily the most enjoyable scene in the movie. Yes, the camera work, editing, and Mr. 18 Inches all leave plenty to be desired. Thankfully Mia Domore is also here and does a fantastic job punishing Mr. 18 Inches. She gets pretty rough with his cock and gives some great commands with some fantastic facial expressions. I was actually able to get into this scene a bit due to the job Mia did, and she even put a smile on my face. This is actually a pretty good scene due to Mia Domore, but sadly it has all the limitations of the rest of the movie. Yes, there’s supposedly a pop shot, but with the cut before it and how it looked around the cock I can’t help but doubt it. This is the best scene in the movie, and it makes it around the average level.

Mr. 18 Inches and the Phantom Bitches is a loser of a movie. Lena Ramon does a good job and Mia Domore does a fantastic job, but everything else about this one sucks. Mr. 18 Inches doesn’t look to be close to that long and looks lazy as can be. Combining that with his ability to get hard or pop in most of the scenes in the movie makes him more of a joke than a performer, and shows that it should take more than just a big dick to be a male performer in the adult industry. The camera work and editing are just as bad throughout the movie. The camera doesn’t seem to care much about the females in the movie and instead chooses to focus on Mr. 18 Inches’ limp dick instead while regularly chopping off the girl’s head. The editing is lazy, and makes the scenes drag on to the point that they’re almost always a bore that needs the help of the remote control. Mr. 18 Inches and the Phantom Bitches would be better used under a bottle of beer than in your DVD player.

The Extra Stuff

The slideshow lasts almost a minute with about five seconds per okay looking snapshot or full screen photo.

The Down -n- Dirty Sex Stuff

Themes: Straight, interracial, toeing, feet, rimming (male > female), B&D, and titty fucking

Raincoat Factor: High

Condom Usage: Between Lena Ramon and Mr. 18 Inches

The Bottom Line:

Currently, many of Gentleman’s DVDs can be found online for between about $9 and $20 with stores appearing to offer them at one end or the others. If you absolutely have to see this one, rent it as cheap as you can. The sex is poor, the technical aspects are pitiful, and there’s almost no effort put into the extras. This is a dud of a DVD.

Note to Gentleman’s Video: If you’re going to put out this kind of piss-poor DVDs, please adjust your pricing so that retailers can sell them for under $5.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

Other reviews by Astroknight