Lovers Caught on Tape! Review

The First Word:  Okay, anything with the "As Seen on TV" logo is crap and I shouldn't have been tempted.  But since the VHS version of this video sold like hotcakes on eBay last year (with people paying $20-30 or more), there must have been something to it, right?

What's It About?:  It's 55 minutes of people having sex and being filmed (supposedly) without their knowledge by surveillance cameras.  

"Two insurance company employees in Dallas sneak into the building's stairwell to act out their own version of 'Up The Down Staircase'" (black & white) - The scene starts out with a man & woman kissing in a stairway landing.  The guy undoes his pants and the woman starts to blow him.  The image is enlarged enough so you can make out his penis and tell that she's giving him a BJ, but the picture is so bad that it's not overtly X-rated.  They switch and the guy eats the girl out while she's standing.  They then fuck doggie style then missionary before she blows him again.  Keep in mind that there is only one static camera that's mounted 20 feet away, so there's no closeups or detail.  The clip ends with some more doggie and then the couple gets dressed and leaves.

"An executive and his secretary rendezvous in their office elevator.  Which begs the question: is anyone 'going down?'" (black & white) - This is a straightforward "woman unzips the guy's pants, gets on her knees, and sucks him for a little while" scene.  No climax and looks suspiciously set up (fake).

"In Chicago, a waitress and a cook meet in a coffee shop supply room where the man shows her that he's no 'short order' cook!" (black & white) - In another suspicious scene, a man in a full chef's uniform (including the hat) and a waitress (in a diner outfit) undress, suck, and fuck on top of some boxes in a dimly lit back room.

"Two department store co-workers in Atlanta discover that the underground parking lot is the perfect place to 'park the hot rod!'" (black & white) - This security video from a parking lot shows an interracial couple staging some sex in a parking garage on the hood of a nearby car, interrupted only by a car that parks a few feet away (forcing them to duck down and hide).

"A Phoenix husband, suspecting his wife of cheating while he was away at work, set up a hidden camera in his bedroom, only to discover that his mailman was delivering much more than the mail..." (color) - The best quality video picture is delivered in this color segment shot from a hidden spy camera.  In another suspicious setup, a young man dressed in something that supposed to look like a postal or delivery uniform comes into the bedroom with the "cheating wife."  They screw missionary style on the bed, interrupted by a quick BJ, then more missionary before they get dressed and leave.

"Two saleswomen get together for a private meeting to discuss who really is the 'head' saleswoman" (color) - Hey, I've seen pornos that start out this way: two women are in the office talking about sales figures when one brushes her foot against the other's leg.  That leads to leg rubbing, giggling, and kissing.  There's a lot of fumbling and fondling before one gets the other's g-string off and eats her out while she's sitting in a chair.  Then, inexplicably, they stop and the recipient gets dressed in a hurry while the giver rushes off.

"The manager of a restaurant and his girlfriend realize that they forgot to order dessert..." (black & white) - An older man and a younger woman make out in a deserted coffee shop, eventually fucking against the back of a booth.

"The Ultimate Ball Game" - The video closes out with about seven minutes of assorted clips of security cameras at baseball games showing some spectators doing more than just watching the game.  There's also some footage of people having sex in the Sky Dome hotel.

What I Liked: Other than the thrill of seeing people do naughty things in public places, there's not too much to like about this video.  I think anyone who enjoys the video is getting off on the "reality" of the situations rather than any of the sex that's shown.  I can see the appeal of knowing that people are really having sex, not just having sex for money, although I doubt that all of the footage is authentic.

What I Didn't Like:  Even though the producer claims that this is the real deal, even going to the trouble to put a disclaimer at the front saying that people should realize that all activity in public may be caught on tape, it just seems phony to me.  With the exception of the obviously real footage in the ballgame section, the rest could have been set up, although I'm not certain. 

DVD Extras:  None.  I don't even think this is a DVD--the text-only menus look like something you'd find on a VCD.

A/V Quality:  It sucks.  It's quite possibly the worst looking video I've ever seen.  And there's no sound except for some instrumental music piped over the silent footage.  Of course, that's because it's supposedly real security camera tape, and if you've ever seen the footage they show on the nightly news after a robbery, you'll understand that you can't expect much.  Still, if people bash on Dream Quest for a bad video image, they obviously haven't seen this one.  To make matters worse, they "electronically enhance" some of the footage, or in plain terms, they enlarge it.  Guess what happens when you take crap and make it bigger?  Yep...

The Last Word:  This is not an explicit sex video, so don't expect to get all hot and bothered over it.  It might work well as a party video to show to a bunch of drunk people (just make sure you install your own security cam ahead of time!).  Sure, it's uncensored and not for kids, but then again, you can see more explicit in an NC-17 movie (and in color and with crystal clarity)  The quality of the presentation, from the DVD to the video image, is very bad.  Not recommended, even if you can get it on sale.  And don't even think about bidding for a copy on eBay--you'll be throwing your money away.

- Saki (saki@my.adultdvdtalk.com)