Little White Chicks...Big Black Monster Dicks 14 Review

Little White Chicks... Big Black Monster Dicks 14
JAKE STEED'S PRODUCTIONS
Directed by TT Boy
Starring: Zsusana, Sandy, Stacy, Katerina, Daniella, Teo, others


TT Boy, for apparently it is he (rather than Jake Steed, currently MIA) who is the uncredited director, gives interracial porn a screwball comedy spin as cute Czech chicks encounter some big ugly black American men…and Teo too! The coarse sense of humour at play here demands that you take your brain out of gear quickly, because it's hard to enjoy the porn if you're still squirming in outrage at the exploitation of racial and gender stereotypes for comedic purposes. B-movies meet Benny Hill, and that's a generous description by the way, as girls squeal in mock terror as nasty monsters chase them…

Sandy
Sandy Saint (AKA Sandy Styles) is practising her tennis while looking fine in a tiny little clinging pink top and skirt, with clunky heels (an outfit I propose as the WTA tour uniform), when two surly guys come along and show an unhealthy interest in her. Pretending to be afraid, she nervously knocks up a few balls with them, but with her supply of tennis balls exhausted, she has no option but to sink to her knees and start sucking the big cocks that are pushed towards her. She spends quite a while sucking them, damn near going cross eyed as she attempts to cram the cock into her mouth. This might sound fine, but unfortunately the guys keep pulling funny "monster" faces to camera and, debatable whether it's worse, someone decided to overdub the word "monsters" repeatedly over the action, so to get something out if this movie, you'll have to get used to this so-called humour fast.

Then the chaps alternate fucking her and getting their dicks sucked, but aside from a few views of Sandy's big round ass working as she rides a dick, or her making big blue eyes at the camera, there isn't much to warm me up. Cut to an anal insertion in graphic close up, and some slow-paced anal sex - it's deep but for quite sound reasons can't go too fast - and we arrive quicker than expected at a pair of ball-blasts fired on her cute face. Sandy is then seen under a heap of rackets and balls, with the two guys insulting her - here we go again with that "bitch" bullshit once more - and shouting about "that's how you play tennis!"

Daniella
Buxom blonde Daniella is wandering through a garden when she sees some misspelled signs about animals. Curious, she goes to take a look at the two dangerous "animals" in their pit, but when she gets too near, the naked beasts - I apologise for the lack of ID but same two guys perform in every scene save Katerina's - grab her, throw her over a shoulder and take her to a handily placed towel where she immediately sinks to her knees and starts sucking cock. Lots of slurping over these big tools ensues, and then it's time for pretty Daniella to get her pussy filled up.

I am not sure whether to ascribe the lack of real excitement here to her seeming lethargy as a performer - though the guys don't help her cope with some demanding action - or to the constant "monster" mugging for the camera. It can put a fellow right off his stroke, know what I mean? Anyway, Daniella gets quite a filling from the chaps, and then the action cuts to a double penetration and further anal sex - in fairness, I can appreciate why she didn't find this too easy - before they shoot come on her face and she gives some post-come head. She's left under a pile of signs and the fellows bound off like gorillas across the lawn, so at least they can take the mickey out of themselves too. It's all very explicit and broadly entertaining, but the cheap humour is no substitute for real sexual energy.

Zsusanna
Also known as Stella del Mar, Zsusanna, along with Katerina, encounters Teo and buddies practising their basketball - they are the MBA (Monsters Basketball Association) if you will! Perhaps wisely, Katerina takes one look and runs away, while Zsusanna feigns outrage at their playful molestation of her, taking evident liberties with the rules of the game - since when was boob grabbing or bra removal allowed? Perhaps Dennis Rodman would approve. On first viewing, I thought, "At last, a piece of sexy humour that actually plays well", but at a second look it appears more than slightly dubious.

Of course, some oral attention to big dicks is the inevitable result of this horseplay, and I'll readily confess a real interest in seeing Zsusanna do it. She's one of the hottest young talents around, from her long blonde hair, pretty face and super sexy body to a husky voice which hints, or more accurately boasts, of a natural interest in carnality. She eschews anal sex but otherwise she's a hot performer with a great positive attitude - you'll just have to make do with lots of views of her wonderful figure while she's sucking and riding these cocks, which ultimately leave her all messed up and giggling. It's a better scene, but still the overdone "hilarity" is a major detraction.

Katerina
The set-up for this affair is arguably the best of the lot, which isn't much of an achievement. Tall, busty, well-built Katerina takes a ride in Teo's Monster Tours bus, but soon realises something is amiss as her driver starts to dribble and make strange noises. She tries run for it, but he chases her to the grounds of the mansion, and takes her to an unfinished swimming pool where she impressively sinks to her knees and takes his cock straight into her mouth in one fluid motion. The "female in jeopardy" shtick is strictly played for laughs here, and they are soon into some hot sex that shows off Katerina's ample form extremely well. Teo still keeps up the monster act but it helps in this case to keep Katerina giggling when the sex could have become a little too demanding, for example when he tries out her deep throat ability. The location is a little bit awkward, but that doesn't stop them from going through some lively vaginal and anal sex till Teo dumps his load on her tongue.

Stacy
Sadly the gruesome humour makes a full scale return, as the trio of studs, faces daubed with ghastly monster make up, pretend to be homeless street performers, doing some body popping to make some cash. When sexy blonde Stacy stops to give them some cash, they "menacingly" encircle her, grope her and whisk her away inside the house. There, she gets into the sex quickly, dropping down to suck cock, but unfortunately the men keep up the dribbling, face-pulling monster act pretty much throughout, and in all honesty their act is total crap, even if Stacy giggles apprehensively between having dicks stuffed in her mouth. It wasn't even especially funny to begin with, but as I look at Stacy's baby blues, while she earnestly slurps away on these dicks, this is close to a complete waste of her talent. Here's this hot girl, who I am sure is going to be one of the big stars of European porn, trying to do her best at oral, vaginal, anal and DP, while these guys are more interested in showing us just how little comedic talent they have. It's a complete turn-off. Teo manages to shoot a big load on her face, but the others don't - too many scenes in too short a time, I guess - but that's beside the point.

Overall
This was the first Little White Chicks… I had watched so I don't know how it compares, but the main reason I watched this movie was for the excellent female cast whose talents are, sadly, largely wasted. All too often they are forced to play second fiddle to a grim comedy turn that is simply no alternative to hot sex with these extremely talented ladies. Not that you'd always know that from this showing.

And even if the prevalent attitude towards women leaves something to be desired, my quibble is not, as I might have expected, with the attitudes to race or gender that the box cover blurb and indeed the whole theme of the title suggests - it's much more light-hearted than I anticipated - but rather the fact that both the girls and the mainly excellent camerawork (a good, lewd mix of almost-too-revealing close-ups, body shots and head shots to get those all-important facial expressions) which captures the action are usurped by a comedy routine that five-year-olds would find immature and embarrassing. It's kind of hard to get excited when there's a leering monster mug zooming into view every few moments. But then maybe that's the idea - like the way some folks watch horror flicks. Porn to watch with your eyes closed.

Just as a pedantic but pertinent point of information, Czechoslovakia, as they refer to in the titles and on the box cover, ceased to exist on January 1, 1993.

DVD Comments
The picture quality is not great. Colours are weak and watery, there's a fair bit of blocking on shots where the performers are moving fast, which though I am certainly no expert, I'd tend to suggest is down to this movie being encoded at too low a bit-rate. There's a twenty-minute bonus scene (a passable but completely unrelated girl-girl number), photos, supposedly humorous biographies, and trailers too, but my feeling is that extras shouldn't compromise the disc space available to optimise quality on the feature.