Limousine Confessions Review

Running Time: 83 min. (according to RAME since it’s hard to tell with half a time code)

Production Date: 5 / 12 / 1999

Director: Damien Michaels

Cast: Alexandra Nice, Tabitha Stevens, Brittany Andrews, Temptress, Envy, Terri Starr, Inari Vachs, Bridgette Kerkove, Coral Sands, Brick Majors, Earl Slate, Damien Michaels, and Andrew Youngman

Initial Expectations: So far, Knob Ryder has done for DVDs reputations the same thing toads did for warts several hundred years ago. Even with this great of a female cast I don’t have much hope.

Initial Reaction: I confess that after this I don’t really care if I see many more Knob / Ryder DVDs.

Who Should Watch It : Extreme fans of the stars

Who Should Avoid It: Anybody who likes good technical qualities

Audio /Video Quality: The audio is fairly clear, but has some balance problems. It also cuts out frequently for a split second. The video is slightly grainy and suffers from Knob / Ryder’s usual problems associated with using Happy Meal toy flashlights for lighting scenes. The lighting for the scenes are completely inconsistent and changes with almost every angle which did interfere with the scenes. It also flips to black and white for a few seconds which looks a lot more like somebody screwed up than somebody trying to be artistic. The black and white scenes also highly emphasize the bad lighting in the scenes, which doesn’t help anything.

Music: The music is kind of a dance style that often has lyrics. It’s normally at least a little loud and extremely repetitious.

Disc Problems / Complaints: There’s no time code in the first half of the feature, which always seems like a sign of a shoddy DVD to me. It looks even worse when the second half does have a DVD, making it look like Knob / Ryder noticed they fucked up but didn’t care enough to fix it.

Menus: The menus work fine, but look really shoddy. You’re given four boxes that look like you have a chapter menu. Instead as you move across them it lets you know that they’re to let you choose whether you want to pick a scene, see bios, or watch photos.

The Feature: Limousine Confessions uses the theme of limos to link together several otherwise unrelated sex scenes. Each scene is a story by a limo driver of something they experienced. Thankfully, porn actors played the limo drivers rather than pulling in real limo drivers.

Coral Sands and Temptress start things out with a little show for Brick Majors as a reward for driving them around. Coral starts by taking down Temptress’s dress and licking her all over, finally working down to her pussy which she gives plenty of tongue and finger attention as Temptress moans sensually. Coral finally pulls her up to let her lick her thrice pierced pussy with her pierced tongue. I couldn’t help but think of the fun of highly magnetizing one of the piercings while watching this scene, which was frequently slowed down annoyingly. They move into a 69 position next so both girls can get the pleasure of giving and receiving and then switch it around. It’s a hot scene, but we got a lot better look than Brick Majors did, since he was always behind the back of the couch.

Brick Majors gets a little fun in the next scene as he comes around the back of the house to pick up an extremely horny Envy, who was playing with a vibrator. She eagerly sucks his cock with a smile on her face while also playing with her tits and ass a little. Brick can’t resist her tits and moves his cock in for a little tit-fucking after she hangs her bikini top on his cock and in between suckings. Brick returns the favor by letting his tongue do the walking across her nicely shaved pussy and asshole. He follows it up by plunging his cock deep into Envy’s eager love slit and then fucking her pussy hard as she wraps her legs around him. Brick lets Envy take control next by hopping on for a cowgirl ride. She takes it in the pussy again before grabbing his cock and sliding it easily into her backdoor. They move things around so Brick can fuck Envy’s ass from behind while pulling her hair. Finally, Brick gives Envy a little guy goo in her mouth. It’s a hot scene that’s held back a little by some of the technical aspects and the slow motion sequences.

Earl Slate jumps into the back seat with Bridgette Kerkove next, who starts things out with a nice slow, deep blowjob. Earl returns the favor by licking Bridgette’s pussy, which we can barely see because the battery was apparently running low on the limo and it couldn’t fully power the dome light. There was barely enough light to tell that this was filmed back when Bridgette had a nice set of real knockers rather than the personal floatation devices she has now. Heck, I even started wondering if Bridgette was a racial minority in this scene. Earl fucks Bridgette’s pussy in a few different positions, no doubt trying to find something where somebody could see something, before popping his load into Bridgette’s mouth. It’s a pretty forgettable scene unless you have night vision goggles.

Brittany Andrews gets busy with Inari Vachs for her “first” lesbian experience as her boyfriend Andrew Youngman watches them while boxing the clown. Brittany starts out playing with Inari’s pussy a little before they swap tittie-licks back and forth. Inari takes the first pussy face dive as she drops her tongue deep into Brittany’s snatch before she starts fucking her with a dildo, all of which puts Inari’s spit glands into overdrive. Brittany shows Inari what she learned next, working over Inari’s pussy with her mouth and a pink dildo that she holds with both her hand and mouth. Finally, the girls work themselves over with dildos while watching Andrew jerk off watching them. They finish it off with Andrew blasting his ball batter on Inari and Brittany’s tits. It’s an okay scene, but once again, the editing and a lot of slow motion sequences stole a lot of heat from the scene.

Damien Michaels doubles his pleasure with Terri Starr and Tabitha Stevens. Terri starts off sucking on him while Tabitha trash talks her through it, and then they trade off sucking his cock. Tabitha breaks off so he can finger fuck her, followed by Damien working his tongue back and forth between Terri and Tabitha’s pussies. They move around for some nice oral stuff before Tabitha gets her lower hole stuffed as Terri sits on her face. Terri sucks Tabitha’s juices off Damien’s cock before hopping on for her own ride as Tabitha sits by and watches while fucking herself with a dildo. Tabitha hops on for another ride afterwards as Terri rubs Tabitha’s asshole and Damien’s cock. Finally, Damien gives each girl another fuck from behind before dropping a decent load on their faces. It’s another hot scene with very good chemistry. By now it should go without saying that the technical aspects were fucked up.

Finally, Brick Majors and Earl Slate take care of Alexandra Nice after they get her all worked up with their stories. Alexandra starts off with a great blowjob, working back and forth between the guys until Brick breaks off to eat her pussy and ass as Earl continues to fuck her face. After a little tongue teasing Brick finally dips his dick into her juicy twat as Alexandra continues to vigorously suck Earl’s shaft. The guys switch places after Earl gets pissy at Brick for being a pussy hog before they team up to DP Alexandra, making her even more vocal. They finish it off with a great double facial that Alexandra takes very well. Surprisingly, the technical aspects aren’t as messed up as the other scenes. It’s nice to see they saved the best for last.

Limousine Confessions is one of those very sad movies that you want to like, but the studio did all they could to screw up. There’s some hot sex in the movie, but the bad production values, that’s right, it doesn’t even rate poor, hold back every scene. There’s bad lighting, slow motion, and audio problems in every scene in the movie. If the slow motion alone were removed I’m guessing the movie would have been at least five minutes, and maybe closer to ten, shorter. It’s a great example on how stupidity and incompetence can ruin almost anything. Done right, this could have held its own against some of the best fuck flicks, but instead it’s relegated to the bottom shelf right next to Ed “Ewwwww” Powers.

Extras: Bios are included for Alexandra Nice, Tabitha Stevens, Brittany Andrews, Temptress, Envy, Terri Starr, Inari Vachs, Bridgette Kerkove, and Coral Sands. Each bio shows a large picture of the stars scene so you can easily identify her as well as a little information. The photo shoot consists of a whopping two pictures. The first allows you to select the photo gallery or the main menu, and the second holds for about three seconds before starting the movie.

Themes: Straight, lesbian, rimming (female > female), toys, tit-fucking, masturbation, spanking, and DP

Raincoat Factor: Very high

Overall: Currently, Limosine Confessions can be found online for between $10 and $23 with several stores offering it under $15. If you’re even tempted to buy this one, rent it first. Yes, it’s a cheap DVD, but there’s a reason for this. It does have some good sex scenes, but it’s almost as if somebody tried to ruin them with some bad technical aspects. The extras also lack quite a bit.

Note to Knob / Ryder: I realize that this is one of your earlier DVD releases, so I hope you’ve fixed many of your problems. If you’re still putting out DVDs like this, please stop putting out DVDs. All it does is piss off customers and make you look bad. If you insist on putting them out, and for those you already have out, please adjust your prices so that retailers can sell them for about $5.

If you have any questions or comments, please e-mail me .

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